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Posted Sep 2, '09 at 6:48pm
fluffybunny422
415 posts
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Sry I forgot my haiku,
The fruit-filled branches,
Holding me from my demise,
I check the branch, snap.
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Posted Sep 2, '09 at 6:54pm
Owen135731
1,811 posts
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Total randomness
The fruit tree grows fruit,
But what is that in the ground?
Oh, its a carrot
Like it? :p
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Posted Sep 2, '09 at 8:12pm
Maverick4
3,355 posts
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Owen, that was so random.
Fluffy, I'm glad you entered again. Your last haiku was great, but it didnt meet the sylabul requirements, so you got DQ'd. Or you would have placed m8.
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Posted Sep 2, '09 at 8:56pm
yielee
583 posts
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Triple Pond Play
(5)Ponds with tadpoles are (7)really interestingly (5)wonderful places
(5)where children can learn (7)about life's development (5)outside the classroom. (5)Show your kids a pond (7)where tadpoles swim all day long (5)before they grow up.
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Posted Sep 2, '09 at 9:03pm
Bronze
2,180 posts
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Umm, yeilee, your structure confuses me and we are already past ponds :/
Don't know what else to say.
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Posted Sep 2, '09 at 9:38pm
yielee
583 posts
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what is the topic? my style is haiku-prose.
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Posted Sep 2, '09 at 10:37pm
Moabarmorgamer
2,253 posts
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Life giver to all,
a wise elder among us,
Plentiful and kind
By Manta
Well, you got the syllables and lines right. That's definitely a plus in your favor. My first haiku went more along the lines of
"The leaves fell to the ground and went plop"
And I thought that was a haiku. Ok, that's exaggerated, but still.
Pretty good, although it's a bit difficult to tell it's about an apple tree. But other than that, very good. Nature-related, and that's always a big element of master haikus.
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Posted Sep 2, '09 at 11:08pm
yielee
583 posts
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Ode to Shel
(5)He sold her apples,(7)and built a home from her wood...(5)now sits on her stump.
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Posted Sep 3, '09 at 12:06am
shayneii
2,419 posts
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You might want to structure your haiku like this:
He sold her apples,
and built a home from her wood...
now sits on her stump.
Nice btw :P
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Posted Sep 3, '09 at 10:09am
sourwhatup2
3,161 posts
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@Meverick4:
I would try and signify the whole 'Fruit' thing.
Danger Lurks Inside is the actual fruit Lol..
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