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Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

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Posted Sep 2, '09 at 6:42pm

fluffybunny422

fluffybunny422

1,237 posts

Awww my didn't haiku didn't get judged :3

 

Posted Sep 2, '09 at 6:48pm

fluffybunny422

fluffybunny422

1,237 posts

Sry I forgot my haiku,


The fruit-filled branches,
Holding me from my demise,
I check the branch, snap.

 

Posted Sep 2, '09 at 6:54pm

Owen135731

Owen135731

2,193 posts

Total randomness

The fruit tree grows fruit,
But what is that in the ground?
Oh, its a carrot


Like it?

 

Posted Sep 2, '09 at 8:12pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,889 posts

Owen, that was so random.

Fluffy, I'm glad you entered again. Your last haiku was great, but it didnt meet the sylabul requirements, so you got DQ'd. Or you would have placed m8.

 

Posted Sep 2, '09 at 8:56pm

yielee

yielee

613 posts

Triple Pond Play

(5)Ponds with tadpoles are (7)really interestingly (5)wonderful places
(5)where children can learn (7)about life's development (5)outside the classroom. (5)Show your kids a pond (7)where tadpoles swim all day long (5)before they grow up.

 

Posted Sep 2, '09 at 9:03pm

Bronze

Bronze

2,454 posts

Umm, yeilee, your structure confuses me and we are already past ponds :/

Don't know what else to say.

 

Posted Sep 2, '09 at 9:38pm

yielee

yielee

613 posts

what is the topic? my style is haiku-prose.

 

Posted Sep 2, '09 at 10:37pm

Moabarmorgamer

Moabarmorgamer

8,674 posts

Life giver to all,
a wise elder among us,
Plentiful and kind

By Manta

Well, you got the syllables and lines right. That's definitely a plus in your favor. My first haiku went more along the lines of
"The leaves fell to the ground and went plop"
And I thought that was a haiku. Ok, that's exaggerated, but still.

Pretty good, although it's a bit difficult to tell it's about an apple tree. But other than that, very good. Nature-related, and that's always a big element of master haikus.
 

Posted Sep 2, '09 at 11:08pm

yielee

yielee

613 posts

Ode to Shel
(5)He sold her apples,(7)and built a home from her wood...(5)now sits on her stump.

 

Posted Sep 3, '09 at 12:06am

shayneii

shayneii

2,688 posts

You might want to structure your haiku like this:

He sold her apples,
and built a home from her wood...
now sits on her stump.


Nice btw :P