Community

CommunityArt, Music, and Writing

Haiku Contest - Broken Bond (page 531, due: Feb 2)

Thread Locked

Posted Oct 15, '12 at 7:53pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,355 posts

I'll be judging this round, in accordance with Acmed's resignation. As it was I who put him in charge of the contest, I'd like to personally apologize for this. Unfortunately there wasn't much  anyone could have done, since a rather crucial piece of information was missing. But that was yesterday, and lets spend today looking to tomorrow. And merits. Always the merits.

And now, the judging. Fortunately, everybody submitted a haiku that could qualify for winning, so I think everyone can pat themselves on the back for that. Unfortunately, many people had a lack of punctuation (those funny dquiggles that appear when you hit the shift key). Punctuation plays an important role in haiku, since an individual has only three lines and seventeen syllables to work with. Thus, punctuation allows a person to put a sort of rhythm into their piece, and allows emphasis to be added or removed from a cetain line or phrase. Coupled with enjabment Google), it can turn a bland haiku into a good one. So because of that, the plethora of haikus was chopped down into just a few. So here are the top five. If your haiku wasn't critiqued,  feel free to message it to me on my profile:

waluigi

A melodic riff;
sound of the azure mollusk,
cowbell fills the air.

This had better be a reference to a Monty Python skit. Because if not, you are one lucky man. Everyone should watch the Salmon Mousse skit.

But for capitalization, this would have done better. Of course, thats rather dependent upon the judge getting the joke. Heres a glass of water. Knock yourself out.

4) Jess

Death's faithful servants,
Take us in a ghostly haze,
And it is gentle.

After my spiel about punctuation, it might been seen as hypocritical to make the next statement: the comma at the end of the first line throws off the flow. The phrase 'too much of a good thing' might come to mind. It causes an unnatural jolt to erupt into the poem, which makes it odd to speak aloud.

But you paint a good picture, and one that can resonate with many people. The only thing more fearful than death is the motion of a bunch of them running around. So congratulations, here's a free bus token, there's the door.

3) jeol

Silent, courageous,
Did he stand before them - his
Heart shivered with dread.

A different take on the theme: something other than the obvious choice of death is the object of fear. You do a good job overall, and a 'shivering heart' is a rather nice piece of imagery. This is a solid haiku; I have no complaints. Have a puppy! Or a picture of one, anyways. Good day.

2) jdoggparty

Black garbs, swift movement
Run, but do not be afraid
For he takes them all

A very classic take on the theme, with the stereotypical relay of Mr. Grim himself. But it works out in this case, as you go on to describe his actions after describing his physical appearance. Another solid haiku, except that I think you forgot to type a period at the end! The consolation prize is a dictionary. Exiting, I know.

1) Nicho

Massive death payloads,
Shatters our innocent lives,
Watch them flee far now.

First and foremost, I disagree with your politics. But this is neither the place nor the time for that debate. This haiku wins first today since you both deliver a strong message and yet sacrifices none of the poetical quality of the haiku. A very creative take on the theme means you earned the spot well and truly. Heres a coupon for a merit, but I think it expired two months ago. Oh well.

If I am permitted to say it, the theme for the next round will be Uprising, and will be due on the 25th of October. Should you lack inspiration, give the song by Muse a listen to; it's also called Uprising, if you didn't pick up on that.

 

Posted Oct 15, '12 at 7:56pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,355 posts

Pretty please? :3

Parsat has got the Poetry contest locked down it seems. And I wouldn't want to usurp Emp and dudeguy of their positions.

But oh, would you look at the theme... >:D

 

Posted Oct 15, '12 at 8:44pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,125 posts

Nicho's poem will be proudly displayed in the about of the account HaikuContestWinners, at least until an official archive is made.

If I am permitted to say it, the theme for the next round will be Uprising, and will be due on the 25th of October.

This will remain in effect unless dudeguy shows up before Thursday. If he shows up during or after Thursday, the theme remains in effect, but he'll be judging it. If he doesn't show up by Monday, then I'll be judging this round for sure. Fair enough?

 

Posted Oct 16, '12 at 12:33am

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,125 posts

Dudeguy has announced that he relinquished his judging duties for this round. The current theme stands. I'll be judging.

 

Posted Oct 16, '12 at 5:24pm

jezz

jezz

1,414 posts

Well done Nicho :)

Parsat has got the Poetry contest locked down it seems. And I wouldn't want to usurp Emp and dudeguy of their positions.

I'm not sure if Parsat said he wanted the position permanently, but.. You just be on standby, okay?

Should you lack inspiration, give the song by Muse a listen to

That song was the first thing that came into my head when I saw the theme :D

The current theme stands. I'll be judging.

Well I'm glad we have a bit more competent judge at the moment. I mean I know I haven't been participating in this thread for a very long while but I have been secretly keeping up with the judging so I have grounds to say that :P

 

Posted Oct 16, '12 at 6:23pm

kevin8ye

kevin8ye

514 posts

Darkness fills the world
Invaders destroy the city
All that's left is death

 

Posted Oct 16, '12 at 8:43pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,355 posts

I'm not sure if Parsat said he wanted the position permanently, but.. You just be on standby, okay?

Sir! I will maintain my present position unto further orders are received, sir! *salutes*

That song was the first thing that came into my head when I saw the theme :D

+1 Internetz.

 

Posted Oct 16, '12 at 9:26pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

4,125 posts

Invaders destroy the city

8 syllables.

 

Posted Oct 16, '12 at 10:40pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,351 posts

When I first saw the title, I was going to do a joke one with Muse lyrics ("lolz I'm so clever" I thought to myself...)
Then I read and realized Mav already mentioned them.

Dang you, Mav. Dang you.

 

Posted Oct 17, '12 at 5:24am

The_Gentlemen

The_Gentlemen

45 posts

"Rise! For freedom!"
Why? Why should we crumble tyrants?
For new ones to rise...?