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chuck norris uses duck tape, with actual ducks.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage

chuck norris makes the chicken cross the road.

Chuck Norris Counted to infinity, Twice

Chuck Norris never loses, that's why Bono isn't in the spot light anymore.

The first rule of Chuck Norris is you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

Jesus can walk on water.
CHUCK NORRIS CAN SWIM ON LAND

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing

Chuck Norris doesn't kill for fun, he kills for laughs.

Chuck Norris once invited all of the other bad-asses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme bad-ass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.

MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris is so fast he can stop a speeding bullet, after he shot if off.

it was said that Hitler shot himself, its not true Chuck Norris threw up a bullet and roundhouse kicked it from Texas to Europe.

There's no such thing as kamikaze's, its just random Iranians that blow up from the pure essence of Awesomeness that is chuck Norris.

when chuck Norris knocks on your door, don't say "whose there" because you better know it's chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can hit an ant's whiskers, at 3 solar systems away with one roundhouse kick.