Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Yet another Story Idea -MoonFairy Inspired by Exit Path
My elemental ninjas are coming soon people, don't fret. But The new game, Exit path, is so aweomse, ima going to base a little story or book from it. Fo shizzle.
"T46 9015! It is your chance for Freedom! Come, Show us that you deserve it! Pass through our tests and you will be free!" The Voice said from the Speaker. I looked around as they called my name. All of us, just pawns in a cruel game of cat and mouse. We all knew it, but we didn't want to face it. A few of the new Runners gave me looks of envy. If only they new that they would die if their name got called. I rose from my seat, and with an emotionless face, walked through the door.
I was greeted by a machine. Another emotionless thing, but not alive as we runners were. How I envied it.
"T46 9015, please continue into the stadium. I am sure that you will be the one to win and be set free! Good Luck and do your best!" The cold silver machine said. All of us in waiting had heard the excact same thing as the others left. We could hear it through the door way, and we knew it was Death, bekoning for us.
I walked through the next door, where a bright light was shined on my pale blue face, and I heard thousands laughing, screaming, clapping, whistling. It was not cheerful. It was cold and cruel. I stood before them, on a platform, and I refused to show any emotion. The platform started moving towards another platform, and I knew I was to see hundreds more. I looked behind me, at the door, and I saw the grim faces of my fellow people looking at me as I left.
The platform quit moving as it reached the other one, and not too far, I saw the spikes and axes. But I showed no fear. I don't think I ever will again. Don't give them a reason to suspect you. F49 1506 told me. It is possible to leave, just never let them see that you have feelings, and they will let you pass, then you must run faster than you ever have before
How much hope is there? He was the One that left. He got out somehow. Who knows what he had to face. When the Humans carried him back through the door, he yelled it to everyone.
The Humans procceded to dump him on the floor and withouht mercy, one of the Humans beat him till he quit trying to stand. "This is a bad runner. Do not listen to him, he speaks lies to you all. You can be freed as long as you finish through the stadium! Then you must complete a last test and you are free to go wherever you want!" The Human said. He had cold blue eyes and shaggy black hair.
But the other Human I was more interested in. He had soft green eyes with brown streaks. Like the eyes of my People. He had golden hair, with darker streaks. As my child self looked at him, and he looked at me, I saw a struggle in his heart. His eyes faltered and he looked away. "Zhe shekai sei?" I questioned the man. The blue eyed Human looked at me, and took out his knife. I ran to the corner of the room and curled in a ball. "Nei! Nei! Shoni baiya!" I screamed.
The Human grabbed my arm and sliced downward. "Zhe Uaimaiga!" I yelled at the man.
"Rhe shika bai nei sie." The Human spat at me. I stared at the other Human and gave him a pleading look. "Was that neccesary Sean?" The Human asked.
"Oh, so now you have pity for them John? God Damn!" The Human named Sean told the other Human.
"Lets just go. Get rid of F49 1506, and we are done." The Human named John said.
John looked at me and handed me a bandage as Sean took out a gun. "Zhe shekai di John?" I asked. "Hai. Zhe shekai di..?" John asked. I smiled and said "Daiyama." John smiled back at me and helped wrapped my bandage. "Daiyama, Yaloe." John said when he finished. "Yaloe." I responded. He looked over his shoulder then covered my ears. I heard a muffled gunshot and looked at my old friend. His name wasnt F49 1506, it was Sheimagya. But the Humans didn't care about that. I ran to him and yelled "Sheimagya! Nei!" But John pulled me away. "Sh sh. Go back now Daiyama." He whispered.
I looked at the nicest Human I had ever met as the other Human sean walked away. John waved at me, and I looked at him through tears. I tried to wave back, but I couldn't. I ran back to Sheimagya and his eyes fluttered for a moment. In our language he told me "They always forget our hearts are on the other side." He told me with a weak grin.
SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?! I hope this isn't stealing... I will ask the Real John on his profile if it is alright that I use his idea. Yeah so I just typed this up out of nowhere. No editing, no nothing. This is PURE Storyline. What do ya think? I will update whe I type my elemental ninja story later next week. Please be honest. (but not mean)
- 43 Replies
OH translation for the Language my bad, I forgot to add it.
"Zhe shekai sei?"
You have name?
"Nei! Nei! Shoni baiya!"
No, no please don't.
You (wordy dird)
"Rhe shika bai nei sie."
He has no name
"Zhe shekai di John?"
(supposed to be Uhe) Your name is John?
"Hai. Zhe shekai di..?"
Yes. (supposed to be Uhe my bad) Your name is..?
The words are pronounced kind of how they sound.
and you can make it up from there
CMON PEOPLE?! NO ONE IS GONNA READ IT?!?!?! REALLY?!
I read it. And I think it's a really good start to the story. I suspect that this 'John' character will become very important in the main character's life. And I wonder what this 'last test' is. I haven't played Exit Path BTW, so don't make me feel stupid by saying stuff you think I should know from playing it, 'cause I haven't.
Aha! Yes! ONE person has read it! and y ou should play it. it is amazing. DDD I wouldn't write a sotry about nothing I didn't like XP
Really good . I hope to see more stories like this.
Hey, I read and I could've sworn I posted a review...
I liked it, quite entertaining.... I was wondering how long it would take for someone to come up with a story based on it.
Well, I would update it, but now I don't know how to top it off. T_T
I got the last sentence from Ninja Assasin. That movie was beast. anyways, I might do an update if my mom doesn't make me go to bed soon.
And for my Ninja thing, I started typing it on my house computer, and forgot to save it on a flash drive, so it will have to wait for a week or two.
This is good, yet you haven't finish what happened when he entered the "Stadium" thing.
And is that language Japanese? Korean? It sounds Asian.
Haha nah I just made it up in my head. What I imagined.
Think of Avatar mixed with futurisic age. XD
It was good
My try my hand at writing it with a different spin; that is if you don't mind.
whaddya mean? O.o
I think I might update it now.... Don't expect anything lengthly
I looked at the scar on my forearm, and remembered John. He never came back, but Sheimagya told me not to get too attached to the Humans. That they were all evil. So I didn't think about John or the other one, Sean, much. Only when a few months later, the Humans found Sheimagya and took him away, and he never came back. Then I thought about John coming and saving Sheimagya and returning him to us. But he didn't.
"Ladies And Gentlemen! T46 9015 will now compete for free life for your entertainment! Lets enjoy the sight of survival instinct and see if it may pass through the treacherous Stadium! First stop, Stage 1!" a Voice said. I looked down at my legs and thought to myself, Might as well try to be free.
The first obstacle didn't look too hard, just a few jumps. I completed them effortlessly and stood upon the next platform.
"Ah, lets see if he can try something harder! STAGE 2!" The Voice said. The next stage didn't look as easy as the first one was, because I saw spikes sitting below, waiting for me to plumet to my death. I would not allow the Humans to have the satisfaction of my death. They would be amusued, and I could not let my life go to such a waste.
I ran throught the jumps and past the spikes almost as easily as I had the first level.
"T46 9015 seems to be promising! We will take it up a notch and send him PAST a few levels. Lets now begin with Stage 10!" The Voice said, obviously annoyed by my success. I was determined to finish the Stadium. I wanted to be Free.
As I stepped off the last platform, I saw axes, four to be exact, and they were all going different directions and different speeds. I stood there for a while, and timed the axes, then when I was prepared, I ran so fast, all you could see was a blur. It was invigorating, the energy that flowed through my body. I felt like I could run into anything and not be hurt at all. But just when I though the stage was over, I saw the lasers. And most of my hope drained.
Most of the ones that never left the Stadium alive, had died by lasers. As a child I had seen so many dead Runners coming back through the door with their arms or legs cut apart, sliced so thinly, you knew it was the lasers. I gathered all of my hope, and tried to dodge the lasers, and ducked underneath a block. Suprisingly, the laser didn't penetrate the block into smithereens, so I was a bit more hopeful that I would come out alive.
I dashed from the laser as soon as it faced the other direction, and leaped over the last remaining block that kept me from my destination. "Alright, now the games really begin! Take it to level 20!" The Voice said. you could hear it was on the verge of rage, and it sent a hush over the crowd.
The platform I was standing on suddenly jerked away and sped over to what I assumed was Stage 20. Before me laid the final level. What seperated me from my freedom. There was no way that I was going to fail. The first obstacle, a series of spikes and axes were set in front of me, obviously this was the hardest stage, and it would take all of my strength. I gathered my energy, and I felt the power surging through me. I cleared the platforms and landed very close to a spike. I jumped lightly over it, and spat on it. This sent waves of shock and humor into the crowd, and they roared in laughter.
I saw lasers and more spikes. But there was something peculiar about the spikes, every time something moved below it, they smashed to the ground. I waited for them all to go back up, and tried to call that energetic feeling again, but somehow I couldn't. I had to rely on my instinct for this one. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, and I slid through the tight space after it. My leg was an inch away from the last spike when I finished sliding. My heart was pumping a million beats a minute.
I walked to the room that was labled "Freedom this way".
"NO! Don't go that way!" A farmiliar voice said.
I turned around and saw the one and only John.
This is all I can do for now people! sorry! I gotta get some sleep (if I can) G'NITE!
Bravo! I like it, if only the levels hadn't been skipped. You could have said, I worked through levels increasing in difficult dodging axes, lasers, spikes, and more as I continued my journey to freedom." Just a suggestion.
Well, I finally played Exit Path. And I suck at the Multiplayer, mostly because of my super sucky and laggy computer. However, since I've played, I am even more into the story. But I will go with what Kyouzou said also, you should have put more levels in.
I guess I will make a alternate middle part when I'm done. This is only a short story though, so It will be finished in a few more updates. I'm glad that everyone likes this. It makes me think that I don't suck at writing after all XD
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