ForumsArt, Music, and WritingThe Fire Rekindled

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CommanderDude7
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CommanderDude7
4,689 posts
Nomad

Ok so its time for my first short story. I may continue with this bit or maybe write a different one but suggestions and comments are welcome.

"This is not what I imangined when I signed up for this sarge" said Private Jones as he walked up to Sargent Springfield. " Well what did you expect Jones? As soon as they gave you your gun you would go and crush the rebellion singlehandly?" said Sgt. Springfield. "Well no" said Pvt. Jones, " But I expected more than just marching around without seeing a single rebel". Does this kid have an off switch ,thought Sgt. Springfield, Hes only been with us for a week and Im already tired of him. Is this the kind of solidiers we have to stop the rebellion with? "Hey quiet down back there!" shouted Lieutenat Perkins. " YOu want every rebel to hear you and start taking potshots at us before we even get to the town?" "No sir I dont want them taking any potshots at us" said Pvt. Jones. This got a bit of a laugh from the rest of the solidiers as they marched onward to the little hamlet of Spatsville. "I got another question sarge" said Pvt. Jones. "yeah you got a question big surprise" said Sgt. Springfield. "How soon are we gonna get those new reavtive armor suits? You know the kind that are made of the same armor as a combat suit and are supposed to stop direct hits from these" he said as he hefted his regulation automatic energy rifle. "Probably when pigs fly" muttered springfield. "What was that sir?" asked Jones. "Probably when these rebels stop ambushing imperial supply lines so dont hold your breath kid." said Springfield. "But how could rebel get behind-" Suddenly the harsh noise of enegry rifles began to fill the air as the column came under fire. "Get that private down now Springfield!" shouted Perkins as he dived to cover. "Yes sir!" shouted Springfield as he tackled Jones behind a large boulder. "First time in combat kid?" asked Springfield. "Uh yeah sir how did you know?" asked Jones. Probably because anyone one with sense gets down when people start shooting at them though Springfield. "I just know these things Jones" said Springfield. " oh okay sir"said Jones still rattled by the tackle. The firefight did not last ong just enough to inflict a few minor casualties and tie up the whole column. "Come on move it men! We have to get moving and secure that town!" shouted Perkins. "Why sir shouldn't we pursue those snipers?" asked Jones. "Where do you think they came from private? Spatsville is the only town for thiry miles. If we are going to find them anywhere they will be there." said Perkins. "Heh he really got you on that one kid" said Springfield with a laugh. " I guess so sarge" said Jones bashfully as the other solidiers joined in the laughter. Only about 5 more miles ,thought Springfield as the laughter died down and the march continued, then I can finally get some rest. Maybe the kid will find someone else to bother too, he thought as he moved up a rise in the road. The sargent would have to deal with JOnes for a bit longer as his next question popped into his head and who better to ask then the sarge?

  • 92 Replies
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

Nice job. I like it. But space it out more....

Kind of like this, so that way you can see a break in the idea when you are done. I am just going to continue writing this pointless stuff just so I can get it to a decent size.... Next I will be adding Dialouge. Aren't you just so happy? You should be! Don't worry........Be happy. DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY NOW! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"So do you get it now?" Moon Fairy asked the Commander.
"I think so. I guess I can't really think for myslef right now because technically it isn't me. I think." Commander replied, confused.
"I used my lunar powers and took over your mind! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dance my little Puppet! Dance!" Moon Fairy revealed, commanding the Commander with an evil laugh.
"WTF, " screamed the Commander as his feet started moving spastically, "I can't stop them! Why me?!?!?!?!"
Moon Fairy laughed darkly and walked away from the Commander, leaving him to his poor fate. Little did he know that there was a video camera in there, taping the whole thing, as it was to be posted on YouTube the following day. The world had to know about the Commander inability to dance.
They must laugh at him. Maybe I will do a live feed! Moon thought to herself. she could hear the Commander's echoing screams as the disco music played faintly in the background.

TO BE CONTINUED.

lmfao. Get it? Just space out the dialouges and you are good to go. Keep it up.

CommanderDude7
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CommanderDude7
4,689 posts
Nomad

lol thats a good one moonfairy. Too bad for you that I am an amazing dancer and putting on youtube would make me famous. =P
Thanks for the tip btw Ill try and put it into the story when I return on monday.

vinster132
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vinster132
5,881 posts
Jester

Do it vinster! YOu could make it about TSPO or about your battle over that sword with that guy in Legend_beast's story.

Okay okay, I'm working on it... I'm starting the Chapter. =D
cowmaster1
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cowmaster1
676 posts
Shepherd

Hurray! Now i don't have to be bothered by what TSPO means! Really good story.

CommanderDude7
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CommanderDude7
4,689 posts
Nomad

Im back! Expect the next part of the story on tuesday when we see Sgt. Springfield in the town of Spatsville.

OperationNilo
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OperationNilo
3,937 posts
Shepherd

Hurry up! Hurry up! We need to know the story about spatsville!

CommanderDude7
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CommanderDude7
4,689 posts
Nomad

Lol just wait till tomorrow nilo.
(Hint theres a bar brawl)

vinster132
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vinster132
5,881 posts
Jester

I haven't checked this thread awhile, heh...

Psst...I'm working on a story about the TSPO (DSN).

CommanderDude7
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CommanderDude7
4,689 posts
Nomad

Ok after a rather long break here is the first part of chapter two. Sgt. Springfield is on patrol in Spatsville when things heat up in the town.

"Hey sarge can we just kill people here if they cause trouble?" asked Pvt. Jones hefting his rifle as he Sgt. Springfield and several other soilidiers were on patrol around the town of Spatsville.
Boy this kid really doesn't shut up, thought Springfield, even after he had some combat experience. "Yeah you could kill them. Pretty sure the captain would come down on you like a combat suit if he thought you were stirring up the locals. Our orders are to make sure that this town doesn't erupt into open rebellion not give them a reason." said Springfield as he marched along.
"Huh didn't think of that" said Jones sheepishly as he marched forward in silence for another block.
Of course you didn't, thought Springfield, your only a private. Course Im only a sargent, thought Springfield ruefully. As the solidiers turned around another corner they saw they were in the part of town with all the bars. Springfield ordered the marched increased so that the temptation to get a drink instead of look for trouble wouldn't overcome the men.
"Ah come on sarge just one drink?" said one of the solidiers wistfully.
Springfield mulled it over. On the one hand a quick drink probably wouldn't hurt. On the other the Empire probably wouldn't fall apart while they got a drink. "Alright lets go" said Springfield as the solidiers cheered and moved to the nearest bar. Inside it was pretty full with guys,and girls, having a good time. When the solidiers entered that all abrubtly cut short as all eyes moved toward them. Springfield decided to defuse the situation by ordering a round on him. That got the party atmosphere back and everyone returned to their business as the soildiers moved to an empty booth.
"Its alright Lee. Im sure you can get another job" said a man in the booth next to the solidiers.
"Maybe Mike." said the other man knocking back another drink with a sigh. "I just cant stand that Vox fired me for being late. Damn Imperial thinks hes the Emperor."
"Hey what you say about the Emperor?" said one of Springfields solidiers turning around to look at the two men.
"I said nothing about the Emperor. But hes a tyrant just like my boss." said the smaller man standing a little unsteadily.
"Why you little Schizantican savage. Im gonna arrest you for treason" said the solidier as several of his companions, including Jones, got up and moved toward the two men. Suddenly the smaller man threw a mug right in one of their faces where it shattered. As the man fell like a rock the others jumped and attacked knocking over tables in their wake.
"Oh boy" said Springfield as others began to get into the brawl that soon swept up the whole bar. Springfield got up causally avoiding a man thrown through the window he was in front of. Working his way toward the exit with a few well placed punches he was able to call for backup that soon arrived and waded into the fighting with stun sticks smacking everyone. After the fight was ended Springfield noticed the two men who began it were gone. "Damn. Wish he could have got what was coming to him" said Springfield as he gathered up his squad. "Cmon get moving. Its your own fault for rushing them. Now lets go back to base."
"Sure sarge" said Jones holding his head where a table leg had smashed against his helmet. After a couple of blocks they turned to see the garrison at the end of the road. However Springfield also saw the man from the bar walking toward them. "Hey you stop" shouted sPringfield running after the man when suddenly the noise of an explosion ripped through the night the force of it sending Springfield sprawling.
"Schizantica will be free!" shouted the man from the bar as he ran onwards into the night. Looking back Springfield saw with horror that the entire garrison had exploded taking several nearby buildings with it.
"Sarge what happened?" said Jones picking himself up with the other members of the squad.
"What happened is that we suddenly became the last bit of military might in this town. It means that guy was part of the Shining Hand. It means alot of trouble for us." said Springfield.
"You mean that um ... Lee guy did this?" said Jones disbelievingly. Springfield only nodded as he moved toward the former garrison to try and search for survivors and supplies.
"Cmon maybe theres some stuff we can use." said Springfield. We sure are going to need them now thought Springfield planning what he would do to this Lee person when he found him.
"We need to show this town you cant mess with us." said Jones. Huh , thought Springfield, thats the first smart thing Ive heard that kid say.

cowmaster1
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cowmaster1
676 posts
Shepherd

It's not a true bar brawl unless someone gets thrown out a window

OperationNilo
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OperationNilo
3,937 posts
Shepherd

Yes, that's true. When will the next chapter come?

CommanderDude7
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CommanderDude7
4,689 posts
Nomad

Well sorry for the wait and all but the next part should be out next week. Tuesday at the eariliest.

sirmed1
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sirmed1
56 posts
Farmer

nice story, you have alot of talent in writing, but you need to learn a bit more (such as paragraphs and how you make people talk)

CommanderDude7
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CommanderDude7
4,689 posts
Nomad

Eh its a work in progress. Any suggestions on the talking and paragraph issues?

sirmed1
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sirmed1
56 posts
Farmer

actually, i didn't get to read the second chapter, and you seem to have resolved most of your problems. (that i've seen anyway) keep up the good work, in only about 400 words you've hooked me as a reader, i'll keep coming back to read your story!

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