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Inferior

Posted Jul 1, '10 at 6:50am

Secretmapper

Secretmapper

740 posts

Hi guys! This is a prologue to my new story

My name is Li Kun. But you could call me Li.

    People assume I got it all. That I have a Great family and a Great life. I'm confident, maybe over-confident. Still, that is what they think.

    My surname is "Li". That is what makes the world press down on my shoulder. My clan, magic runs throught their veins. Everyone of them, except me.

    What makes it harder is that I'm the only boy in our family, and I'm considered to be a DIRECT descendant from the inventor and teacher of magic. That means I have to keep the family's name in glory, and that is the only reason they have not yet completely banished me.

.........But how could I do that If I don't have magic?

    Everytime, I felt like I was nobody. Like I'm the odd one out. "Kun" means universe. Perhaps I'm alone in my own universe.

   
    I don't have any magical powers. I'm not like them...I'm...different. It never seemed quite fair. The only time I would feel close to my family was with pretending magic. Shooting a rock at a bale of hay and it catches fire. Of course I knew it was my father.

    My family would always not let me go to social gatherings. They say "I'm too special". But deep inside I do know that they are only ashamed of me. They are too ashamed of their own son.

    I covered up how I felt. I acted arrogant because I was afraid the others would sense my feelings and look at them as weaknesses. I wasn't like that all the time; sometimes I really did feel confident. Sometimes I just overlooked it and tried not to think about it...sometimes I was jealous, but after seeing how my family just rolled their eyes, I tried not to. I didn't want them to look down on me.

    Now that I'm 10, My family is sending me to Japan, so that I can spend my "enlightment" there. It is our family tradition for a ten year old boy to finally receive all of the magic that he meant to have. They said that I should spend it in Japan just to "see something new". But I know they just want that to happen so that our relatives don't see how weak I am.

 

Posted Jul 1, '10 at 11:13am

CommanderDude7

CommanderDude7

2,408 posts

I like this story too. Hope you continue it.

 

Posted Jul 1, '10 at 5:54pm

whimsyboy

whimsyboy

540 posts

Just saying, there's already a published book name The Inferior by Peadar O'Guilin.
It looks good so far, except for some minor spelling and grammar details.

 

Posted Jul 1, '10 at 8:59pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

Nice job. I like that you gave a back story to it, now I want to know what is next. So this served its purpose. Keep it up :)

 

Posted Jul 1, '10 at 9:05pm

Trumpetfury

Trumpetfury

408 posts

Good story, dont have much to say about it... lol, hope to read more! :)

 

Posted Jul 2, '10 at 1:06pm

Secretmapper

Secretmapper

740 posts

CHAPTER I: The start of a dream (or nightmare)

       "You will go to Japan tomorrow" My mother said with her sweet but faking voice. I still can't get it out off my head.

       It wasn't long really, I didn't realize that we were already in Japan. As I step out the plane, I breathe for the first time the air in this country. Even though my family travels a lot, we haven't traveled to Japan yet, so I completely do not know anything here. The only people I know here are myself and my personal attendant, Chang. He has been with me since I was a kid, and I feel much more emotionally linked to him than to my own family.

       "Master, have you gone day dreaming again?" I heard an old voice passing through my right ears.

     "Oh sorry Chang, where was I?" I asked to him. But I received no response from him, but only rather movements of the hand toward the computer monitor.

       I looked at the monitor, and realized that I was actually talking to my mother.

(Will try to update more)

 

Posted Jul 3, '10 at 3:11am

Secretmapper

Secretmapper

740 posts

CHAPTER I: Continuation

      "Oh mother where were we?" I asked, trying to hide my disgust.

      "Li you were only there for five hours and you already miss us? Look at you, your frowning. Don't worry you will have a great time there I promise. Oh and so you can be happy there we arranged you to go to school there." She said

      "What!" I shouted, even though I tried to stop myself.

      "Oh! Look at that, you are already excited. Don't worry, your going there tomorrow!" She said with her sweet voice again, disgusting.

      " Why do I even bother... " I mumbled to myself.

      "Excuse me son? Are you saying anything?"

      "None, Don't worry about it. Ahhm.... mom, I still need to unpack my things. so I need to be going now. Bye!"

       "Bye Li kun!"
       
       "Bye"

       I closed my computer and kicked the wall so that my computer chair would slide away from it. I asked Chang to make a detailed explanation of the school.

       "Yes master!"

       "Oh and Chang, close the lights."

       "Do you really have to sleep on the chair master?"

       "I'm tired, just close it please."

       "Of course master."

Chang closed the lights, and I doozed off at the chair.

        "Master, Master, your late for school." Chang said as he is tapping my shoulder.

       "What, so my mother was serious, I'll attend it today?"

       "Yes master. The school is just around the corner, I've pinpointed it on your PDA master."

       "Oh thank you. What time is it?"

       "6:30 master"

       "HUH! really? Oversleeping was never an issue for me."

       "Master you should get going now."

       "Oh okay"

So I went to the bathroom. Chang is really a great attendant. He prepared everything in a way just like I feel at home. I should really thank him for all he has done for me.
   
I opened the shower, and my face looking at ...Oh s***!

   "Master! Master" Chang knocked and shouted.

   "Oh its nothing, I never thought the water here is hot."

   "Oh I'm sorry master, It was my fault, I..."

   "Don't worry chang. Its okay. Anyways is my uniform ready? Could you fetch it for me?"

    So after a few minutes I was dressed, and went for school. I didn't want to take the limo, but Chang insisted.

    "Oh so your the new student! My name is Yuu, I'll be your new teacher. Call me Yuu-sensei."

    The teacher directed me to the classroom, where he asked me to stay outside. Then he called my name, and I opened the sliding door and entered the room......

 

Posted Jul 3, '10 at 3:17am

Strop

Strop

10,823 posts

Moderator

You know, I wonder whether your prologue should be more of a synopsis and not actually published as part of the story. Because I can see the basis of a good story in it but it... well it pretty much tells me everything that a novel should cover in an exposition. You could write several thousand words fleshing out the basis behind Li Kun's character, and it would make for excellent reading.

 

Posted Jul 3, '10 at 4:47am

Secretmapper

Secretmapper

740 posts

You know, I wonder whether your prologue should be more of a synopsis and not actually published as part of the story. Because I can see the basis of a good story in it but it... well it pretty much tells me everything that a novel should cover in an exposition. You could write several thousand words fleshing out the basis behind Li Kun's character, and it would make for excellent reading.

Can you please rephrase this Strop? PLEASE PLEASE PLEAsE??????? I can't understand the half of it. I'm just so stupid.

 

Posted Jul 3, '10 at 10:37am

CommanderDude7

CommanderDude7

2,408 posts

I like his attendent chang. Kinda the butler that everyone likes. Keep it up.

 
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