ForumsArt, Music, and WritingMy attempt of a story..

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Joey6855
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Joey6855
197 posts
Nomad

To all of the readers of this. I'm aware of the fact that this isn't a masterpiece but please don't bash my first attempt at this. I just wrote it a few minutes ago. So please if you would provide nice, constructive replies. I hope one of you enjoy this.



Prologue

The two guards passed each other in the hallway, nodding as the went their separate patrols. 15 minutes had passed when they were supposed to pass again only one guard turned down the hall. He raised his AK and quietly walked down the hall, he saw a shadow, silently creeping behind a crate. Then as he approached the crate a hand slipped down and covered his mouth and he felt the cold steel of a blade at his throat. And from the shadow he previously seen emerged a man in a full black combat suit, night-vision goggles, and a balaclava. The man reached out taking the mans AK and laying it down without the slightest clink.
The man then pulled his own blade and spun the guard around only to see another man,dressed the same, drop from a overhead pipe. The men lead the guard to a empty room and tied him to a chair. They spoke in muffled voices.
âHow would you go by shutting down this factory?â
The guard sat in silence only to be punched in the jaw by the second man.
âI believe I asked how to shut down the factory. Where are the fuel lines for the machines?â
âI..I..I do not know. Please don't hurt me!â
âWell a guard like you must know something, so tell me before my friend here cleans out your intestines.â
âUm..the bomb..it was picked up today by these group of men. The buyer, he was bald and had a southern American accent.â
The second man now speaking, âWhat was the bomb for?â
âIt...it was for a assassination plot.â
âA assassination of who?â
âThe president of the United States.â
âJohn, we got what we need. Have fun killing him.â

The first man leaves the room pulling of his goggles and balaclava. The guards screams can be heard followed by the muffled sound of a suppressed handgun being fired. Then nothing but silence.

  • 24 Replies
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Shepherd

Your welcome I like to edit stories, so I am willing to help anyone really.

To help, I think it should start as Chapter One. You always give a glimpse of what happens, then you start back before that ever happened.

So let's say that There is the group planning the assasination of the Prez. Why don't you start at the assasins headquarters? You would introduce the bad guys, getting that out of the way, then after that you can make room for the good guys. (Johnson and Kennedy)

Tossing some ideas around.....
Let's say the top bad guy, is George. The assasination group is called MONKEY. He has a second in command, Steve. And then there is the assasin, Bob. We can start off from Steve telling Bob what George wants to happen. Set it in a place, (France for now), then a time (July 7th), and now a dialouge.
This is just an idea, you don't have to use it. lulz.

Chapter One.
MONKEY Headquarters, July 7th, 5:32 P.M



"Now Bob, you know that the boss doesn't like questions. You don't need to know anything, just the target to kill. We have a set date, time, and we are figuring out where to get supplies. You just have to kill him. Is that simple enough for an idiot like you to understand?" a heavy French accent scolded.
"I get it George! I get it! Just send me there and it will be done." Bob said.
"Your price is very high. It better be worth it. Or else He will be very mad with you. He will find you if you mess up. So don't." George said, the tone threatening.
"Speaking of him, where is he? I want to know who I am working for. Tell him that I must meet him, face to face, or else the deal is off."
"You do not make the calls, we do. We have enough evidence on you to pin you to 5 different assasinations. You have nothing to hold us down. So you will kill him, without questions, and come back here to recieve your payment. Got it?"
"Fine. You better be happy I like money more than I care for arguing."


___

"He is in, George. He asked to meet you, what nerve!" Steve said, talking to a hooded figure.
"Good, good. It is all going as planned. Have you located a safe dealer for our supplies yet, Steve?" The hooded figure said, with a perfect english accent.
"We are trying to, but it seems we might have to steal it if we don't want the middle man. I have a few locations you could choose from, sir." George said, wary.
"That dissapoints me. But if it the only way, then we must procced. Tell me, what places do you have in mind?"
The two men walked away, discussing their evil plans.

___


alrighty yeah that was kinda lame, but that is just an idea lol. Hope it helps.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Shepherd

OOPS. MAJOR MISTAKE. Bob is talking to Steve, Not george lol. XD

fail.

Joey6855
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Joey6855
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Nomad

Haha thanks I guess XD. I just sent a e-mail to you containing the first part of chapter one. :P

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

sent it back. you can post it here now

Joey6855
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Joey6855
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Nomad

are you sure u did? I still have yet to receive it.

Joey6855
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Joey6855
197 posts
Nomad

Okay everyone here's Chapter One. It's actually the first peice of it and I'm still working on the other part(s). Thanks to Moon for editing it as usual.


Chapter One-Escape
(Part One of three)


Johnson had just entered the hallway and was already asking questions.

âDo you think he was telling the truth, Ken?â

Kennedy replied with a look of disgust on his face, âOkay âJohnnyâ. One: What did I tell you about calling me that? Two: I have no idea but we've interrogated almost everyone in the facility and they all had the same theory, so yes he probably was.â

Kennedy started walking down the hallway, not seemingly worried about any potential dangers. Johnson had just begun jogging after him when an explosion knocked them both to the floor. All Johnson could hear was ringing. A blinding flash of white took over his sight.

âWhat the hell was that!?â he yelled, but he couldn't even hear himself speak so no use asking Kennedy. Deep down he knew exactly what had happened, they had both let their guard down without thinking of a possible counter-attack from anyone in the facility.

âI'm about to die in the coldest part of the world,â Johnson thought, âand I had just gotten engaged last week.â Images of him and his fiancé flashed throughout his brain, blackness eventually taking over.

Joey6855
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Joey6855
197 posts
Nomad

Ok i have no idea what happened this time because I posted it from notepad...so sorry for the symbols.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

XD here ya go people. Without squares.
I will check my email later tonight.. My mom is home now T_T

Chapter One-Escape
(Part One of three)

Johnson had just entered the hallway and was already asking questions.
"Do you think he was telling the truth, Ken?"
Kennedy replied with a look of disgust on his face, "Okay 'Johnny'". One: What did I tell you about calling me that? Two: I have no idea but we've interrogated almost everyone in the facility and they all had the same theory, so yes he probably was.�
Kennedy started walking down the hallway, not seemingly worried about any potential dangers. Johnson had just begun jogging after him when an explosion knocked them both to the floor. All Johnson could hear was ringing. A blinding flash of white took over his sight.
"What the hell was that!?" he yelled, but he couldn't even hear himself speak so no use asking Kennedy. Deep down he knew exactly what had happened, they had both let their guard down without thinking of a possible counter-attack from anyone in the facility.

"I'm about to die in the coldest part of the world," Johnson thought, "and I had just gotten engaged last week. Images of him and his fiance flashed throughout his brain, blackness eventually taking over.

artemishunt0
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artemishunt0
185 posts
Nomad

hey well joey your story is great with a capital everything and moon fairy i was wondering if you could help me with my poorly made story by a poor writer

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