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Vol. 1, Issue 1
Parsat's note: First line poetry has proven more interesting to read than I thought. It's interesting to see what spontaneous thoughts arise...in choosing poetry for this digest I don't look so intently at form as many of you are accustomed to me doing. Rather, I chose poems I thought displayed a real germ of thought and feeling. Included as always is a little critique; after all, I expect to give away something more substantial than bragging rights.
I mean no disrespect by reposting your poem here; I do it in the same regard in the same way that poems are reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit.
If it seems a few poets are mentioned more than others, consider that it was because they wrote more. If the poem's good, it goes here; I'm not a fan on putting caps on people's participation.
Poems:
Moonfairy
The mournful winter releases life
From its duty for a season,
Some view it as death,
But I view it as with a reason.
An excellent take on a great line by EnterOrion. There's a refreshing open-endedness in that last line that I really enjoy. Rather than insisting on explaining the paradoxical first line, it simply leaves one with the thought and then nothing else.
thisisnotanalt
hoping against a ninja here,
my motives and chances still unclear.
will I survive, and live in calm?
or be crushed by my fate as a ticking time bomb?
hoping against a ninja here,
it's coming down to my worst fear.
grab for the problem, try and try
but when you lose, don't sit and cry.
Fail line selection turned out win poem. Somehow it reminded me of the Ninja Kami point and click game. Good rhyme, and a freestyle flow to boot, something that's hard to do but is unmistakably alt.
pHacon
The tile reflected what I knew
For all I knew, trouble would brew.
Seeing myself, that aged reflection,
I realized what it was to find perfection.
I laughed after reading those last two lines: They flowed quite well for a first line, and it's a good spin on the old "Too smart for your own good".
aknerd
Would we put the weapon down?
And bow before the traitor's Crown?
Or raise our shield and brandish our sword
A new army for the true lord?
If only the choice was ours
And not left to the hateful stars.
For all our pride had long been drown
And so we lay the weapon down.
A polished poem (excepting the grammar error in the second to last line)...I'm still trying to figure out what belief this poem is espousing. Theism? Deism? Atheism? All these elements seem to be mixed until the last two lines.
Moonfairy
But why me?
I have always asked myself
What crime did I commit,
That would make me deserve this?
I was always true
To you
And then you left me out of the blue
Tears ran down my face
My heart was ripped in two
So here I am wondering
What Did I Do Wrong?
Trying to figure out
Why my life
Is a heart break song.
Simply worded, and using a cliche or two, but that last stanza really hits to the heart of anyone who's had their heart broken. That second-to-last short line in particular really builds up to that last line.
pHacon
Fields of Green
Stretching on forever
Like the joy of my heart,
They sing.
Skies of Blue
So high yet so deep
Where do you lead?
To happiness.
I picture Louis Armstrong's grovelly voice belting out "What a Wonderful World" while reading this poem. The ends of each stanza are especially comforting. Is it their length or their directness that make it so?
Avorne
Days passed
Under the sun
Your smooth touch
Upon my skin
Years passed
In the rain
I no longer
Feel your touch
Each line in each stanza is the complete opposite of each other. It only makes it all the more striking.
MoonFairy
Atop a cliff
I wonder
Staring down into the water
What it would feel like,
Those few seconds of free falling
Fear?
Adrenaline?
Terror?
Thrill?
I might just take the jump
To find out.
That finality in those last lines really does convey the feel of the jump...in those words, I think, all four of those emotions appear. Very well writ.
aknerd
As the bird chirps
Millions are massacred
As the wolf howls
Billions are born
As the Whale sings
Multitudes will mourn
As the Eagle shrieks
Legions will laugh
But as a baby cries
None will notice
As Silence falls
All will arise
Humanity is Always
Last to listen
Our voice obscured
Our ears extinguished
In Scandinavian and Old English poetry, the predominant style of poetry was actually alliterative...and this poem certainly has that feel. I've fixed a spelling error or two, but that last stanza is chilling.
pHacon
Starry skies,
The beauty of the cosmos.
How does it feel
To look back in time?
Short poem is short, but short poem is big too.
slayguy8
It was the slow death of a million papercuts
the next one hurt more than the last
the feeling of slowly bleeding out
you didnt picture this to end this way
all because of a million papercuts
A poem about death by a million papercuts...I simply marvel at how grave and how flippant this poem is at the same time. I know that's not a skill I have.
Gantic
Help us escape
Cardboard prisons
We've grown too big
Please help, children
Before I continue, for all you AG poets that have just joined us, Gantic is probably the most versatile poet around these parts. Go consult him for what is good poetry. As for this poem, it reminded me of Calvin and Hobbes when they use corrugated cardboard boxes as tools of imagination...what do we do when we lose it though?
CommanderDude7
I glimpsed a burst of happiness
As my oppenent thought he had victory
I glanced at my cards
And wondered what he had
Whatever it was
Could it beat a full house?
A good twist to pull on a good line. An excellent rendition of putting thoughts into words.
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Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread.
- 89 Replies
I'd like to thank you for putting the time and effort into making this.
I am glad that you like them. All of the poems that everyone wrote were pretty awesome.
I second Avorne lol
I am given way too much credit than I deserve because I was totally thinking "Hey, this reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes." while writing and rewriting it. And I'm not exactly "rolific" in any sense with regard to poetry.
How often will these digests be posted?
An excellent take on a great line by EnterOrion.
I got mentioned, surprisingly. Thanks for that.
I posted one poem in there. Didn't give the thread much thought, seems I made a mistake there. Some excellent poetry.
I might go write some more in there sometime.
Gantic: Assuming the continued popularity of the FLP thread, every 10 pages. Might be shortened in the future, but I don't plan on making a digest when there aren't at least 10 poems to feature.
Volume 1, Issue 2
Parsat's note: Another ten pages of poetry, another issue! It's been great to see the spontaneous thoughts that arise from our fellow poets, it really is quite illuminating.
Disclaimer: I repost poetry in the same regard as a poem would be reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your own intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit. If you hold objection with me reposting your poetry, please contact me in my comments. Thank you.
Poems:
aknerd
XD lmfao
Culture reaches new low
LOL
has to be much worse than hell
:0 OMG
The internet's not for me
^^ jkjk
I'd take reality anyday
Pazx says: "Poor sucker who has to create a poem out of an emote and an acronym." I'd say he's absolutely write, but aknerd pulls it off with aplomb and a healthy dose of sarcasm. MoonFairy gets the "WTFOMGBBQ line" award for giving this first line.
Xzeno
It's a bloody business!
Signing papers, nothing more.
It's a bloody business!
There's nothing to abhor.
It's a bloody business!
People do it every day.
It's a bloody business!
We have to live some kind of way.
It's just a bloody business.
Said the spider to the fly.
It's a bloody business,
where good men go to die.
This poem was followed by a good amount of self-castigation...but my reply is that cliches are cliches for a reason. They represent something that speaks to many people regardless of their situation, and your poem speaks. Great control of meter too, you do me justice.
aknerd
What you see is not me - I have died
I do not notice those who cried
Or who kept dry with pride
Or my now-never-bride
Or mom at my side.
To death I ride
My life denied
Wish I'd
tried.
I've always thought concrete poetry is difficult to find around AG (i.e. a poem that has a shape). However, the well-placed rhymes make it so that you can even hear it as concrete poetry, running from the top of this inverted pyramid to the point. Truly impressive.
samy
But I never did;
Express the love I had for you
Tell you what you were to me
Explain that you were my life;
My love
My soul
And now I never will.
Its openendedness is the source of its power. Is it between a man and a maiden? A man and his God? A man and himself? Or something completely different? Whatever the subject, it really got me thinking.
MoonFairy
Staring into the Night
I see
How amazing dark can be.
Stars are glistening
People asleep
Looking into the water
You can't tell how deep
All is quiet
You are alone
To ponder the thoughts
Of places unknown
Streaks of soft light begin to show
Light clouds caress the sky
The night begins to fade, although
You will see such beauty when the day says good bye.
This poem is one of a bunch here that illustrates MoonFairy's poetic strengths in introspective description and simple but effective diction. Keep it up!
Avorne
Lay a flower
Upon your grave
Symbol of life
It slowly fades
Just as you
Faded from life
The poem is quick, but at the same time it seems to fade just as life and the flower did. It is futile, short, and perhaps in true Hobbesian fashion, a bit brutish in its honesty.
DarkestNite
The dew upon morning grass
Makes the world seem so pretend
Like shining gold or brass
As if nothing can hurt it in the end
Blink and it disappears
Like shimmering salty tears
It won't last long
Enjoy Memory's song
The moral is familiar, the figurative language is familiar, the rhymes sound familiar, but when you look at this poem in the sum of its parts, it feels much more than just familiar. Our memories are invariably rooted in the Earth, it seems, and we don't know when both will vanish all of a sudden.
aknerd
In the evening sky
Lies the unknown
A mystery to me
I traded sunset baseball
A yellow ball bouncing
in the cul de sac
For closing duties
A vacuum and a mop
The evening sky
Must be meant for others
For the young, old, and homeless
I wonder if they still play
Does the yellow ball still bounce
Or was it thown away with my memories
It's the familiar theme of the loss of childhood and innocence, but explored in a haunting new way. One comes to think that this yellow ball is not just the baseball soaring through the air, but the answer to every trouble, or the source of all power, or an opportunity foregone.
Kyouzou
Forever Falling
Overcome by chaos
Realizing a rocky landing
Even dying
Venues of greatness; unreached
Ever so many things to do
Realizing the end has come
I get an image as I look at the progression of this poem. I think of those old Looney Tunes cartoons where the cartoon character suspends in midair for a bit and gravity kicks in a second after they realize they're not on land. That instant of realization is embodied in the alliterative first lines, as they become comically suspended in denial, before they plummet. That's the event symbolized in that very middle line, and as they fall their life rushes past their eyes.
CommanderDude7
Ha. I get it.
I feel so proud.
I wear my smile smugly.
I walk taller than before.
I cant be defeated.
I rock.
I don't think I've seen a poem that emphasizes the simple-minded nature of self-absorbed folly so simply and so effectively.
EnterOrion
There is a land,
Inside our heads,
Across the sea,
Where insanity spreads.
Once within,
There is no escape,
Gripped by death,
Your mind lost shape.
Given the time,
You'd feel alone,
Yet there is someone there,
Someone made of stone.
If a poem could be misty and mysterious, this would be it. Who can fathom the depths of the mind? There's an outline here...tentatively.
pHacon & Kyouzou
The girl screamed
The sounds of time,
Life passing us by
Things ever changing
A baby's cry
New life begins,
A world of nothing
Pens him in.
A child's whine
Shattering peace,
Seeking not
but attention.
A young man's song
Courtship starts,
The cycle
Starting ever again.
The girl screamed
Hulking shadows surrounded her
Tears now; pouring from her eyes
Footsteps echo, another shadow
Shots fire, A man steps forward
A last minute rescue?
No, another assailant.
In this case, Kyouzou got ninja'd by pHacon, but both were so good and so different that I wanted to double feature them in the same spot. One talks of life and one of death; one is abstract, and the other is a physical description. That's the awesome thing about First Line Poetry...it's quite open ended, and all dependent on the poet.
Kyouzou
Day's glory has come
A blazing sun peeks over
The horizon's orange rim
Soft rays of light
warm the cold earth
Drops of dew evaporate
to reappear another day
An excellent depiction of a sunrise. A good example of a poem that is more than the sum of its parts.
slayguy8
I love the smell of asphalt in the rain
The sharp sting in your nose
with the pitter patter of the rain
with the wind in your hair
you have everything to gain
you breathe it in
you let everything go
I love the smell of asphalt in the rain
I have the same feelings too whenever I smell asphalt in the rain...it might not be the greatest poem from a technical point, but it serves as a good example for what we look for in first line poetry.
MRWalker82
Left me with questions
and a longing to learn
what was that song
that my heart heard
answers which may ne'er be gleaned
for whom was she singing
what did the melody mean
my heart left pounding
and my mind awash with dreams
From the standpoint of my religion, Proverbs 1:20 is the verse I thought of. Wisdom sings, but few heed its call.
EnterOrion
I lie down for a long time,
For several minutes,
For several hours,
Wait for the bells' chime.
I lie down to sleep,
To lay awake,
To die in pain,
For my life to weep.
I lie down to dream,
Of golden wheat fields,
Of pharmaceuticals,
To cry a stream.
I pray not to die,
For this is my last,
The end has come,
An eternal lie.
I lie down to sleep,
To sleep forever,
To dream forever,
What I have sown I shall reap.
And now I die.
The ending is totally different than what I expected from the first stanza. It's the finality of death that echoes in a strangely hollow fashion in this poem, and it rattles the bones. Nice ABCA rhyme scheme too.
aknerd
No greater band of brothers have I met
Than Barry, Brandon, Bob and Bret.
Every day to work they went
Every night at bars they spent
Time together, until the sun set
When Bret was taken by his heart (too weak)
The three mourned for a week
At work his shoes they filled
At bars his drink they spilled
But they still missed a brother, unique
Then Bob was destroyed (smashed by a truck)
The two aware of their fading luck
Hurt too much, work did not rebound
Into their drinks they drowned
The last half sunk into muck.
Brandon took too many chances (shot by a dealer)
The one lost his only healer
Now he's alone, homeless
Drinking liquor in excess
His wife leaves, never again to feel her
Last of all, Barry removes himself (a rope)
The rest dead, he couldn't cope
In their office, a plaque reminds
In the bar, stools miss their behinds
A fragile fraternity, never any hope.
The word that comes to mind is "virtuosic." Well, perhaps the limerick meter and rhyme is wonky in places, but the point remains that it really goes beyond what you would expect from the realms of FLP. Very well done!
Kyouzou
The ruins of a golden age long gone
Glimmering in the light of a sunrise
Evidences of long gone world at war
Peace, harmony, progress, happiness
All destroyed in one fell swoop
How fragile is this delicate peace?
Normally I'm not such a fan of free verse, but this poem really hit to the center with me. Who knows what empire this could have been describing? Or will an archaeologist a thousand years from now think these thoughts when they see the ruins of our civilization?
aknerd
Have you been where I have been?
Caught in a time between was and will, existing right now,
right here, free of the needless, groundless, dispensible
redundancies that sting us like so many needles, needing
only what exists right now, right here, watching as all
the excess exits, and I become an exile unto myself, my
own floating isle interjected into the present, the aisle
inserted, implanted, and embedded where no shoppers can
find it except me, a free radical finding another to live
in, becoming inseperable, growing unified with this present
from the eternal Now, a drop joining another until I am
where and when I am, a single entity, a place but a person,
the past and future no longer falling, no longer
collaspsing for they have crashed long ago, no longer
anything to fall from, for I am unattached from all but
this Now, no longer watching the falling past, the
regressing future, for my drop, my now, my self, completes
my vision.
I am where all I can see is me.
Have... have you been there?
This is definitely an example of performance poetry...that long run-on sentence in the mouth of a talented orator could be a powerful statement of being in control of yourself and yourself only. And we have all been there, but rarely have we had the faculties to describe a feeling in which we experience only with our presence.
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Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread. Hope to catch you for the next issue!
I glimpsed a burst of happiness
As my oppenent thought he had victory
I glanced at my cards
And wondered what he had
Whatever it was
Could it beat a full house?
Ha. I get it.
I feel so proud.
I wear my smile smugly.
I walk taller than before.
I cant be defeated.
I rock.
Woot two of my poems got in! Now I have the urge to make some more!
Wow I got one in! Then again, I posted alot less on the second go round. But that is okay. lol.
I got two. My favorite ones I did at that.
Anyways, thanks for that.
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