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Parsat
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Parsat
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Vol. 1, Issue 1

Parsat's note: First line poetry has proven more interesting to read than I thought. It's interesting to see what spontaneous thoughts arise...in choosing poetry for this digest I don't look so intently at form as many of you are accustomed to me doing. Rather, I chose poems I thought displayed a real germ of thought and feeling. Included as always is a little critique; after all, I expect to give away something more substantial than bragging rights.

I mean no disrespect by reposting your poem here; I do it in the same regard in the same way that poems are reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit.

If it seems a few poets are mentioned more than others, consider that it was because they wrote more. If the poem's good, it goes here; I'm not a fan on putting caps on people's participation.

Poems:

Moonfairy


The mournful winter releases life
From its duty for a season,
Some view it as death,
But I view it as with a reason.


An excellent take on a great line by EnterOrion. There's a refreshing open-endedness in that last line that I really enjoy. Rather than insisting on explaining the paradoxical first line, it simply leaves one with the thought and then nothing else.

thisisnotanalt

hoping against a ninja here,
my motives and chances still unclear.
will I survive, and live in calm?
or be crushed by my fate as a ticking time bomb?

hoping against a ninja here,
it's coming down to my worst fear.
grab for the problem, try and try
but when you lose, don't sit and cry.


Fail line selection turned out win poem. Somehow it reminded me of the Ninja Kami point and click game. Good rhyme, and a freestyle flow to boot, something that's hard to do but is unmistakably alt.

pHacon

The tile reflected what I knew
For all I knew, trouble would brew.
Seeing myself, that aged reflection,
I realized what it was to find perfection.


I laughed after reading those last two lines: They flowed quite well for a first line, and it's a good spin on the old "Too smart for your own good".

aknerd

Would we put the weapon down?
And bow before the traitor's Crown?
Or raise our shield and brandish our sword
A new army for the true lord?

If only the choice was ours
And not left to the hateful stars.
For all our pride had long been drown
And so we lay the weapon down.


A polished poem (excepting the grammar error in the second to last line)...I'm still trying to figure out what belief this poem is espousing. Theism? Deism? Atheism? All these elements seem to be mixed until the last two lines.

Moonfairy

But why me?
I have always asked myself
What crime did I commit,
That would make me deserve this?

I was always true
To you
And then you left me out of the blue
Tears ran down my face
My heart was ripped in two

So here I am wondering
What Did I Do Wrong?
Trying to figure out
Why my life
Is a heart break song.


Simply worded, and using a cliche or two, but that last stanza really hits to the heart of anyone who's had their heart broken. That second-to-last short line in particular really builds up to that last line.

pHacon

Fields of Green
Stretching on forever
Like the joy of my heart,
They sing.

Skies of Blue
So high yet so deep
Where do you lead?
To happiness.


I picture Louis Armstrong's grovelly voice belting out "What a Wonderful World" while reading this poem. The ends of each stanza are especially comforting. Is it their length or their directness that make it so?

Avorne

Days passed
Under the sun
Your smooth touch
Upon my skin

Years passed
In the rain
I no longer
Feel your touch


Each line in each stanza is the complete opposite of each other. It only makes it all the more striking.

MoonFairy

Atop a cliff
I wonder
Staring down into the water
What it would feel like,
Those few seconds of free falling

Fear?
Adrenaline?
Terror?
Thrill?

I might just take the jump
To find out.


That finality in those last lines really does convey the feel of the jump...in those words, I think, all four of those emotions appear. Very well writ.

aknerd

As the bird chirps
Millions are massacred
As the wolf howls
Billions are born
As the Whale sings
Multitudes will mourn
As the Eagle shrieks
Legions will laugh

But as a baby cries
None will notice
As Silence falls
All will arise
Humanity is Always
Last to listen
Our voice obscured
Our ears extinguished


In Scandinavian and Old English poetry, the predominant style of poetry was actually alliterative...and this poem certainly has that feel. I've fixed a spelling error or two, but that last stanza is chilling.

pHacon

Starry skies,
The beauty of the cosmos.
How does it feel
To look back in time?


Short poem is short, but short poem is big too.

slayguy8

It was the slow death of a million papercuts
the next one hurt more than the last
the feeling of slowly bleeding out
you didnt picture this to end this way
all because of a million papercuts


A poem about death by a million papercuts...I simply marvel at how grave and how flippant this poem is at the same time. I know that's not a skill I have.

Gantic

Help us escape
Cardboard prisons
We've grown too big
Please help, children


Before I continue, for all you AG poets that have just joined us, Gantic is probably the most versatile poet around these parts. Go consult him for what is good poetry. As for this poem, it reminded me of Calvin and Hobbes when they use corrugated cardboard boxes as tools of imagination...what do we do when we lose it though?

CommanderDude7

I glimpsed a burst of happiness
As my oppenent thought he had victory
I glanced at my cards
And wondered what he had
Whatever it was
Could it beat a full house?


A good twist to pull on a good line. An excellent rendition of putting thoughts into words.

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Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread.
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