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Grandma Barb: Dead or Alive (My Book)

Posted Jul 30, '10 at 7:36pm

The904

The904

74 posts

I just entered this in the Make a Movie contest and I thought i did a pretty good job. This is the first chapter of my book. Please feel free to give me constructive critisism. Thanks.

Chapter One: The Finding

Jason, Anna, and their father were getting ready to go on their traditional monthly trip to the cemetery to visit Grandma Barb. They live in Brooklyn and the cemetery is in Times Square. So it isn't very far away.

        "I'll be ready in about twenty minutes!" said Anna. "She always takes forever, doesn't she dad." said Jason. " Why yes she does, but its a girl thing." said dad.

         As they were pulling into the parking lot, Dad was already getting choked up, not a big fan of coming to visit his mom. It gets him every time. But because Anna took so long getting ready, it was already getting dark outside. "I have to pee, ill be right back." said Jason. "Okay son, don't be long." dad said. When Jason turned the corner to enter the bathroom, he heard a noise, "Jaaasssooonnn" coming from the palmetto bush on the edge of the sidewalk. "Hello? Anyone there?" he said. But no reply. He went to the bathroom, but when he came out, he heard it again.. "Jaaasssoooonnn". He had had enough. Jason decided to check it out. But when he looked around the bush.. There she was. There was Grandma Barb. "Grandma? This cant be possible....

 

Posted Jul 30, '10 at 7:42pm

The904

The904

74 posts

Chapter 2 will only come if people want it.

 

Posted Jul 30, '10 at 8:05pm

OperationNilo

OperationNilo

2,044 posts

Chapter 2 will only come if people want it.

You can't expect someone to post in six minutes.

This looks interesting, a chapter 2 would be nice. Chapter 2 can be longer?

 

Posted Jul 30, '10 at 8:12pm

The904

The904

74 posts

You can't expect someone to post in six minutes.

I was meaning to put that in the first post. Sorry.

And yes, It will be longer. I will work on it.

 

Posted Jul 30, '10 at 8:17pm

OperationNilo

OperationNilo

2,044 posts

I was meaning to put that in the first post. Sorry.

The accidental post thing is becoming way to high.

And yes, It will be longer. I will work on it.

Thanks.

 

Posted Jul 31, '10 at 9:16am

The904

The904

74 posts

The accidental post thing is becoming way to high.

It honestly was. Calm down.

 

Posted Jul 31, '10 at 10:51am

CenationAA

CenationAA

27 posts

I think you should make a 2nd chapter the first was very interesting

 

Posted Jul 31, '10 at 11:58am

The904

The904

74 posts

I think you should make a 2nd chapter the first was very interesting

Thank you. I am working on it now.

 

Posted Aug 1, '10 at 4:37pm

Drink

Drink

1,542 posts

make as many chapters as you want even ethier people dont want it or maybe they do want it shouldnt stop you if you want to..

 

Posted Aug 4, '10 at 2:40pm

Google567

Google567

3,678 posts

Thats a pretty good story, nice climax so far.

 
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