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[old] A key that unlocks there death!!!!

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Posted Sep 22, '10 at 6:31pm

darkwolf1

darkwolf1

160 posts

just add gunpowder and a thing that you put tnt in it.as you go into a building with the explosive,it will get harder and harder into the building because of the security is in there.after excuse after excuse,you will finaly get to that point.and you put in that key,A key that unlocks there death!!!!

 

Posted Sep 22, '10 at 6:38pm

EnterOrion

EnterOrion

3,615 posts

...

Que?

No seriously, what?

 

Posted Sep 22, '10 at 6:43pm

jezz

jezz

1,447 posts

Was that supposed to be an attempt at prose? Bit short..

It sounds more like a 'kill the person above you' game :/

 

Posted Sep 22, '10 at 6:47pm

darkwolf1

darkwolf1

160 posts

I am still trying ti strech it and such,kk.I am still trying to inprove it.

 

Posted Sep 22, '10 at 6:48pm

darkwolf1

darkwolf1

160 posts

trying I mean.

 

Posted Sep 22, '10 at 6:50pm

jezz

jezz

1,447 posts

To be honest, it needs a lot of improving. Maybe give it a plot, correct your grammar and spelling, don't use phrases like ''add gunpowder and a thing that you put tnt in''..?

 

Posted Sep 22, '10 at 6:59pm

ZeroComp

ZeroComp

372 posts

...What is this?

 

Posted Sep 22, '10 at 7:01pm

darkwolf1

darkwolf1

160 posts

thats why I said I am still trying to improve it!!!!

 

Posted Sep 22, '10 at 7:02pm

EnterOrion

EnterOrion

3,615 posts

You should work on the grammar. And maybe next time, have something to actually post. This doesn't look like you put much, if any, work into it.

 

Posted Sep 22, '10 at 7:03pm

Hypermnestra

Hypermnestra

1,283 posts

Uhmmm...

just add gunpowder and a thing that you put tnt in it.

Are you thinking of nitroglycerine?

as you go into a building with the explosive,it will get harder and harder into the building because of the security is in there.after excuse after excuse,you will finaly get to that point.and you put in that key,A key that unlocks there death!!!!

This seems more like a forum game than anything else...are you sure it belongs in the AMW?
Or will it be a story? If so...wow, it really needs improvement. Most stories have, at least these elements.
-Plot
-Characters.
Uh...your "story" lacks both of those. At the moment, this seems like the tagline for a B action movie.