It started 2+ years ago,in the land called "PERFECT INFECTED".its about the infected (not related off of hallo-halo reach)in a science lab,but the infected are traped in the science lab.trying to get out.but order to get out of there will be trecheris,painfull,and deadly traps,torrets and bosses that they have to defeat.
the next chapter will all of the people that want to help me in the comming new chapter that might unfold right under youre eyes!
ok,I beleve you ABarOfSoap but not the person above you ok.
If you were referring to Strop you're guite a rash person! As for the last few posts; utter spamzies where's the modmobile!!
My critic stays the same; work on your grammar, and as someone previously mentionned, don't jump from an ide to another so quickly. You really need to work on your text's cohesion.
It started 2 years ago in a land called Perfect Infected. It is about a group of creatures (also known as the infected) in a science lab. The infected are trapped in the science lab being experimented on. They are trying to break out, but the only way would be going through treacherous, painful, and deadly traps. The next chapter might unfold right under your eyes!
I corrected your story a bit, I did not want to change it too much but atleast I fixed the spelling errors.
If you were referring to Cen you're guite a rash person!
Fixed that for ya.
ok,I beleve you ABarOfSoap but not the person above you ok.
Your own loss, since he said I was right. Must be that blue text and being a mod that makes me so hard to believe.
As for the "What post?" "Idk" "D:" thing: I deleted that post, most likely because it was as much spam as your "ositive" "okay, sure" "errr, okay" and your "what post" from before. Seriously, if you have nothing to say than that, don't bother.
I assume you are asking me, and that you mean the text. Yes, I can get the general meaning out of it. But it is pretty much like looking up a word in the dictionary and not get the definition of the word. Or reading the back of a book and conclude you have read the book now. The feel of the story is not only chopped up and thick, it is near impossible to get any atmosphere out of. There is a clear difference between understanding the general meaning of a text, and understanding the story. Without proper care, all you do is write words, instead of telling a story. If you just want to write words, then sure, do so. But don't get mad when people tell you they don't understand your story, or that it could be better.
I do understand you might be inexperienced with writing stories at large, and that you haven't found your style yet, but should that excuse that what you have written is more like a jumbled train of thoughts than anything else?
The difference between "And then he walked out the door bomb explode scream death" and "He walked out the door. Barely outside he hear a shrieking sound, but before he could turn around to see where it came from, a major explosion occurred, flinging him forward [...]" or even "He took at step forward, hesitantly. There was something nagging him, something odd about something he couldn't figure out what was. He shrugged, and walked outside, into the fresh air and cool light of the autumn sun[...]"
The first one doesn't tell us anything but the basics. There is a story somewhere in there, but as it is, it is just words. The next is an actual story that can be followed by other people, and not just the person who wrote it. You don't need much to get past the jumbled words to the story, we are just asking that you try. Take a moment, a deep breath and write down what you want to tell carefully, instead of running a wild race to get done. That way I am sure not only your stories would improve, but people would be interesting in what you have to tell, and not how you tell it.
T_T Change that armatar Cen, or I'll keep calling you Strop forever. Imagine I get used to it and start calling strop Cen?
And if you lock this up,you will make my gole that much sweeter.
I frowned an eyebrow too when I read this awkward post. It's as if he's doing this on purpose to stir a conflict or something, either ways, it's a strange thing to say.
