ForumsArt, Music, and WritingLamentations

278 121277
Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

Well, if you know me, then you know that this would be my third thread for my writings. If you don't know me, as in your a new(er) user, than this is my third thread for my writings. This is a fairly akward situation, so I feel the need to explain:

I am making this final thread (and yes, final), because I realised something during my Hiatus. When I 'quit' AG, I was fairly discusted with my works. I absolutely loathed them. And after a while, I realized something: that it didn't matter. Who cares what I thought about them. What matters is what OTHERs think about them. I wouldn't be able to grow as a writer if my angst over my own works led people to assume that they WERE bad.

While some of them genuinely reeked, there were others that were genuinely good. And as I looked back over my first writings, I realized another thing too: that I had gotten better. That my works had gone from a slipshod, unbalanced affair to a generarrly more organized shipshod affair.

So I am not making this thread to be unique in having *3* threads about my work, or for vanity, or anything like that. I am making it so that you, the reader, will look at my works, and will hopefully tell me how to get better.

Sincerely, Mav

  • 278 Replies
anderwold1
offline
anderwold1
41 posts
Shepherd

To made this story super interesting, you should involve aspects of classic Armorgames games. Like having the hero fight sonny or have him crush a castle etc.

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

To made this story super interesting, you should involve aspects of classic Armorgames games. Like having the hero fight sonny or have him crush a castle etc.


You mean its not interesting already?

Just wait m8, just wait. *devious grin*
Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

'You have no idea of what I'm capable of!'
I scream to those that lie above.
And soon lust after my sweet revenge,
Just like a drunkard without his binge.

And so begins my epic tale,
Of furies strength, a roaring gale.
Perilous journeys throughout this land;
Blood soaking into the golden sand.

I track down those who did me wrong,
Actions ring louder than a gong.
Most of them I put to flight,
Others I take without a fight.

Attrocities flow from my works,
And bodies give their final jerks.
And as I set the world ablaze,
My solemn stare remains unfazed.

And soon my story comes to an end;
A river must have its final bend.
But I showed those who hid above,
Just what things I'm cap'ble of.
__________
Wrote for the first line poetry contest. Made a few slight changes though.

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

The Good Ship, WoadShip

There once was a good ship, WoadShip,
She was painted, all a blue.
She sailed around the coastal lands,
And to places no one knew.

She traversed across the mighty seas,
And many tales She spawned.
And when She happend 'cross a port,
A fresh new coat She donned.

Sadly, the good times could not last,
The final hour had come.
Dawn soon cast her morning light
On a harbor, filled with scum.

The mob soon reached her beryl sides,
And climbed up her bowsprit.
With their axes biting into her,
She was reduced to bits.

The people mourned, and gnashed their teeth.
As her peaces floated 'round.
Men went out to collect the bones,
And dragged them to dry ground.

The race was on to save the wood,
And soon the task was done.
Stacked about in neatened piles,
And baked dry by the sun.

Carpenters came from near and far,
And took what they saw fit.
They loaded carts up to the brim,
And were gone, lickety-split.

The wood was used for many things,
Like beds and shelves and beams.
A figure was cheif among the works,
Decreed by fate, it seems.

Carved from the ribs of WoadShip,
Stood a maiden, fair and lithe.
Her eyes gazed out to the unknown,
And her face was free from strife.

The People carried Her among the streets,
Until they reached the ship.
Then carried her up to the bowsprit,
And attached Her at the hip.

And now She sails out to the sun,
And through the great beyond.
And though the WoadShip is no more,
They share a special bond.
__________
Wrote for the 10-Day Poetry Contest. Topic was 'New Beginnings'.

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

I'm an official AG Character now. Is that a good thing?

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

3. A Forgotten Name

Who Am I?

I could be Henry.
Shocking the crowd
With a surprise ending.

Or I could be Dickinson,
Keeping my words locked away
From all society.

Or may be I am Poe?
Works darker than the space
Behind a bricked up chasm.*

Who Am I?
__________
*Reference to 'The Cask of Amontillado'

The first stanza is talking about O. Henry. Henry was famous for his short stories (I write them aswell, but there only slightly less famous :P), and surprise endings. Seeing as no one outside of AG knows I write, it would be a bit of a shocker for them.

The Middle Stanza is a reference to Emily Dickinson. Among other things, she was famous for being a recluse, or staying locked up inside all day. Again, I only share my works on AG, or when no one else would know I wrote them.

The Last Stanza would be about Edgar Allen Poe. This is probaly the simplest, as the overall theme of my works would be sadness, darkness, or some other grim tale. Poe was famous for his works of the maqabrue, so it fits well.

Funny, I'm more willing to share my words with complete strangers than those closest to me...

Parsat
offline
Parsat
2,180 posts
Blacksmith

I love O. Henry to death, as well as Poe. I don't like Dickinson at all, although she is a structural poet like me.

Apart from that, this poem was quite charming to me. I think the effect could have been more complete if you actually imitated the styles of these famous writers, but I won't demand too much. Poe's stanza in particular really stands out as a beautiful one...I thought O. Henry's was actually a bit weak.

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

I think the effect could have been more complete if you actually imitated the styles of these famous writers, but I won't demand too much.


I couldn't imitate their styles: I'd screw it up, then it would be literary blasphemy.

Poe's stanza in particular really stands out as a beautiful one...I thought O. Henry's was actually a bit weak.


I'll possibly edit it. I really wrote it to get rid of some of the writer's block, so...
Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

3. A Forgotten Name
(edited)

Who Am I?

I could be Henry.
Giving my words
Like Gifts from the Magi.*

Or I could be Dickinson,
Only telling my works
To an aspiring Bog.**

Or may be I am Poe?
Works darker than the space
Behind a bricked up chasm.***

Who Am I?
__________
* Reference to the Poem 'The Gift of The Magi'
** Reference to the Poem 'I'm Nobody. Are you nobody too?'
*** Reference to the Short Story 'The Cask of Amontillado'

The first stanza is talking about O. Henry. Henry was famous for his short stories (I write them aswell, but there only slightly less famous :P), and surprise endings. Seeing as no one outside of AG knows I write, it would be a bit of a shocker for them.

The Middle Stanza is a reference to Emily Dickinson. Among other things, she was famous for being a recluse, or staying locked up inside all day. Again, I only share my works on AG, or when no one else would know I wrote them.

The Last Stanza would be about Edgar Allen Poe. This is probaly the simplest, as the overall theme of my works would be sadness, darkness, or some other grim tale. Poe was famous for his works of the maqabrue, so it fits well.

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

"The eye sees all:
He's watching YOU."
Reads the poster on the wall.

Can even see what you think,
In the solitude of minds.
Gazing, without a blink.

I am free, but a Slave;
Shackled in my chains,
I'll take them to the grave.

I am Ignorant, yet Strong;
My hear beats within me
Right where we belong.

I am Angry, though at Peace;
Through the effects of my crimes,
Inevitably come the Police.

Up on the wall, there sits the eye.
Ever gazing, the vigilante.
Watching, watching, till we die.
__________
Wrote this for 'First Line Poetry'. Its my tribute to George Orwell, and 1984.

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

Chapter 2: Home Coming

"I can haz cheezeburger?"

I stopped in my tracks, stunned at what I had heard.

"I can haz cheezeburger?"

The words rang out again, and this time, much closer. I was shocked. My trip to ArmorCity would take about 5 hours of walking, and I shouldn't see anybody until I got closer to the City. I had barely been walking for 30 minutes. What was this guy doing out this far from the City?

The User grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. I couldn't hurt him, 'cause well, he was from AG... He yelled in my face and spoke his line a third time:

"I CAN HAZ CHEEZEBURGER?"

'No!' I screamed, before slipping out of his grasp and running away. In a normal situation, I wouldn't have let a possibly dangerous person get that close to me, but I still couldn't figure out why anybody was out this far from the City. Was I lost? Had I lost track of time? Had giants come and moved the City 30 miles closer?

After running with a few ideas, I reached epiphany. Armor Games had gotten bigger. A lot bigger, judgeing by the sounds around me. As ArmorCity had grown, people had to spread out. Which meant, I would meet a lot more people, and sooner. Even if there were more people out here, only the flamers, spammers, and trolls hung out this far, and I needed to stay away from them.

I really had been gone a long time...

I lept over the shallow ditch running next to the path that I was on, and finished my journey by walking a few hundred feet parallel to the path.

I reached the City Gates without any further problems. After I gained admittance to the city, I went to the Community Hall. I had a few things there to take care of, which included seeing if anybody I knew what there. I met most of my friends here, so it made since that they'd still be there.

As I stood outside the Community Hall, a thought occured to me. 'Hey, guys? You should probaly hide. I don't want anybody who can see you, wind up seeing you. I'd rather not explain that...'

"Sure thing!" Said Ama, followed by Tsu's own comment:

"You're embaressed by us..."

'Eh... not at all!' I whispered into my shirt, though rather half hartedly. I found it odd that I had 'imaginary friends', especially when no one else had them. However, they both slid down and wrapped around my upper arm, looking like just another fold in my shirt.

I walked in, and saw the poetry contest in its ussual corner. I noted the theme, and jotted down a quick poem. I reached my hand out to put my poem in the stack entitled 'Entries Here' when someone gripped my arm.

I tensed, and my free hand flicked to my waste, where I kept my knife. I looked up to see who it was, and a vague recognition flashed in my eyes.

"Maverick, isn't it?"

I realised who it was. It was 'FallenSky' or 'Fallen' to his friends, which was a lot of people.

I nodded my head, before I spoke: 'Fallen, right? Nice to see you.'

"Yeah, you too." He glanced at my poem, which was still in my hand. "May I?"

I answered by giving him the poem, and watched as he read it. It wasn't long before he spoke again:

"This is quite nice" He spoke as he handed me the poem back "Talk about a smashing comeback. Well, I gotta go. Good luck."

I mumbled my thanks as I put my poem on the 'Entries' stack, and made my way back to the door. As I opened it, I saw someone else I knew: Parsat.

Parsat was a little shorter than me, and a little older than me as well. He was a great writer, though (rather ironically) he carried an ancient sword passed down through his family. He looked just a little surprised to see me, though he covered it up.

"Hey, welcome back Mav"

"Thanks mate. Look, I got a little bit of a problem, think you can help?"

Parsat shared my interest in flight with me, though he wasn't as fanatical over it as I was.

"Hmmm... I'll take a look."

I laid my drawings of my flying machine on a near by table, and Parsat began to gaze at them.

After what seemed an eternity, he begain to make subtle changes to the design; shortening a rope here, adding one there, and so on.

"Over all, its looks pretty good. I think you may be on to something here. You'll just have to test it though. Oh, I have to be somewhere. Look, I'll see you around, alright?"

He was calling out the last bit as he dissapered into the crowd. I raised my arm in affirmation, before heading out the door.

"Alright" I whispered into my cloak "Looks like we're back in business. I'll just have to buy a few more things, and with the stuff thats in storage, we might have a working aeroplane on our hands."

Ama poked her head out. "May be this time, eh?"

Tsu cut in. "Like I've said before, it will NEVER work. Ever."

"... Sure" I replied to both at them, which was often the key to avoiding arguments, both between me and them. "Well, it looks like were going shopping." I grimaced; I hated shopping with a vengence.

"Gah. I hate shopping. A lot."

I didn't have to ask who said it.
_________
Sorry its a little late. I lost the original, and gave up trying to find it, so I wrote from memory. I'll try and post a new chapter every week or so.

Parsat
offline
Parsat
2,180 posts
Blacksmith

Pretty accurate characterization of me, I suppose. Looking forward to the next chapter!

Although I'm sure you could do worse than "i can haz cheezburger," unless you were really trolled with that. :P

IcyIndia
offline
IcyIndia
1,344 posts
Nomad

It's always exciting to see armorgames users in stories.
Definitely anticipating the next chapter.

Efan
offline
Efan
3,086 posts
Nomad

It's good so far
I hope uyou see me somwhere!

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,804 posts
Peasant

Pretty accurate characterization of me, I suppose.


I agree, it could have been better. I assumed you were into flying; you've been in both of my Flyboy RPGs.

Although I'm sure you could do worse than "i can haz cheezburger," unless you were really trolled with that. :P


No comment.

It's always exciting to see armorgames users in stories.
Definitely anticipating the next chapter.


Thanks. I'll try and release a new segment weekly, though that is subject to change, of course.

It's good so far
I hope uyou see me somwhere!


Thanks. Basically, if your a frequenter of the AMW, you'll *probally* be in it. I'm saying *probally*, because I don't want to feel obligated to put people in. Then, the story may change from where I want it to go, and well...
Showing 16-30 of 278