ForumsArt, Music, and WritingLamentations

278 56000
Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,815 posts
1,030

Well, if you know me, then you know that this would be my third thread for my writings. If you don't know me, as in your a new(er) user, than this is my third thread for my writings. This is a fairly akward situation, so I feel the need to explain:

I am making this final thread (and yes, final), because I realised something during my Hiatus. When I 'quit' AG, I was fairly discusted with my works. I absolutely loathed them. And after a while, I realized something: that it didn't matter. Who cares what I thought about them. What matters is what OTHERs think about them. I wouldn't be able to grow as a writer if my angst over my own works led people to assume that they WERE bad.

While some of them genuinely reeked, there were others that were genuinely good. And as I looked back over my first writings, I realized another thing too: that I had gotten better. That my works had gone from a slipshod, unbalanced affair to a generarrly more organized shipshod affair.

So I am not making this thread to be unique in having *3* threads about my work, or for vanity, or anything like that. I am making it so that you, the reader, will look at my works, and will hopefully tell me how to get better.

Sincerely, Mav

  • 278 Replies
jeol
offline
jeol
3,845 posts
6,080

You write excellent haikus and poems. Keep it up!

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,815 posts
1,030

You write excellent haikus and poems. Keep it up!


Glad you like them. Thanks m8.
Alexistigerspice
offline
Alexistigerspice
1,498 posts
1,165

A maverick is a type of cow right? and nice poems, seriously

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,815 posts
1,030

A maverick is a type of cow right?


A 'maverick' is an unbranded cow of any gender.

and nice poems, seriously


Thanks a lot, seriously.
MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,391 posts
1,445

Well well well Mav.
You should try to write another poem. I miss them D:
Your haikus are breath taking as usual ">,>
You really do have a talent for taking three small lines and transforming them into something beautiful.

Paarfam
offline
Paarfam
1,563 posts
0

Your last one was pretty good. That last metaphor (Or w/e they're called) weighed out the poem, better or worse I'm not sure. If better, I wouldn't be surprised if you took home the gold.

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,815 posts
1,030

You should try to write another poem. I miss them D:


I'm actually working on a free verse for the poetry contest. Should be done either tonight or tomorrow.

Your haikus are breath taking as usual ">,>
You really do have a talent for taking three small lines and transforming them into something beautiful.


Thanks, though I've had a lot of practice.

Your last one was pretty good. That last metaphor (Or w/e they're called) weighed out the poem, better or worse I'm not sure. If better, I wouldn't be surprised if you took home the gold.


Theres a lot of good haiku's in the contest, so I'd say its anyone's game right now. And thanks for the compliment.
MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,391 posts
1,445

I'm actually working on a free verse for the poetry contest. Should be done either tonight or tomorrow.

Give me a ring on my profile to check it out, mkay?

Thanks, though I've had a lot of practice.

Just from competing in the Haiku contest or elsewhere? Because even people that practice for years couldn't really define things the way you have an ability to do.
Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,815 posts
1,030

Give me a ring on my profile to check it out, mkay?


I will do that.

Just from competing in the Haiku contest or elsewhere? Because even people that practice for years couldn't really define things the way you have an ability to do.


I read a ton, so I'm in near constant contact with quality literature (Dante, Robert Frost, Maya Angelou, Gary Soto, Poe, O. Henry, and Emily Dickinson are some of my favorite poetsand authors), so I read a lot of styles and poetry in general. And I jot down a lot of poems, though I don't ussualy post them up here because I don't think there very good.

I also write a lot for practice, about 30 minutes to an hour, just writing whatever comes to mind. I ussualy get some time in on AG just typing up stuff.

With the Haikus, they just come to me. I dunno really, I just think and it suddenly appears. And I google image other topics just to get an idea of what people think when they see 'Fire and Ice'. Ussualy, obvious stuff comes up, but sometimes something really interesting turns up.
MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,391 posts
1,445

The fact that those haikus just come to you is even more amazing. Even though you have read some of the best poets out there, doesn't subtract from this natural ability of yours. I'm awaiting your free verse poem, and really you should just upload everything you write. Doesn't matter if you think it is good or bad, it is here for us to look at and tell you what could be better, so you can improve

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,815 posts
1,030

Why I Write

As I sit here now,
Pen in hand, paper before me,
The remenents of past works
Flutter across my desk
And stop short at my hands.

I stare at these creations,
My rampant words amuck
With clouds of ink and dust,
Staining the pages of time.
Looking, I sit here and wonder
As to why I write.

Words are useless without
A device to transport them.
Despite the open ears of the masses,
No one can hear me if my words don't attract,
Don't ignite, a small spark of interest...
A flame.

I write to stir up emotions
Within the hardened heart,
And to teach it how to feel again;
To throw off those bonds of granite
And know once more what it means
To live.

But not all would give me
A chance. Already, those who seek
Continued control over all shut me down.
They entomb all emotions, all feelings:
They are death, and they come.

Cold hands clutch at my face
And attempt to arrest movement
Of my tongue. And they grip
My hands, and force them to stop;
To disobey their master.

But my words come forth!
They dispell those tendrils of ice
That creep up my legs and frost
My vision. The cold of the night,
Of the world, has been vanquished by

A million lights
Of sun.

Paarfam
offline
Paarfam
1,563 posts
0

^^^ What is this? ^^^
You may be new, but um, what?

MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,391 posts
1,445

*ignores that idiot above paarfam*

I really like this one, mav. It starts out rather slow, and rushes in the end, keeps you on your toes, I likelikelikelove it.
Time for major critique nao.
(Don't hate me)
When you say device, the reader doesn't think of the mouth to speak the words, they think something like a computer or that. Try to change that up a bit, because it is better safe then sorry to assume the reader is rather not smart. Especially if you are trying to evoke emotion. Emotion is simple to write, you need not a large vocabulary to do it. Now when you get to the end, it rushes the suspense, and if your goal was to focus on the suspense, you slightly failed.
Let me give you your poem in a.... form that will make it clearer how the suspense went.

He walked down the road, the beautiful road filled with endless trees trimming the sides, flowers and other plants lining up beside the trees. But what is this? The road ends! Oh no! Wait. It was just a turn in the road. All is well again!

See? Its like a happy story with a happy ending. The twist wasn't held long enough for it to take full effect.

But I still like it

Maverick4
offline
Maverick4
6,815 posts
1,030

When you say device, the reader doesn't think of the mouth to speak the words, they think something like a computer or that. Try to change that up a bit, because it is better safe then sorry to assume the reader is rather not smart. Especially if you are trying to evoke emotion. Emotion is simple to write, you need not a large vocabulary to do it. Now when you get to the end, it rushes the suspense, and if your goal was to focus on the suspense, you slightly failed.


My goal was that the 'fire' are my words and the 'ice' is the world. Similar to how ice melts very quickly in a fire, so to are the problems resolved when you give 'fire' (words) a chance to work out the problems.

It seems that I've forgotten to explain my poem again. :/ Always forget to do that...
MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,391 posts
1,445

Well now that you give the explination it makes a looooooooooot more sense.
And you shouldn't feel the need to explain things, just let it floooooooooooow

Showing 61-75 of 278