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Lamentations

Posted Dec 9, '10 at 6:52pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

Well, if you know me, then you know that this would be my third thread for my writings. If you don't know me, as in your a new(er) user, than this is my third thread for my writings. This is a fairly akward situation, so I feel the need to explain:

I am making this final thread (and yes, final), because I realised something during my Hiatus. When I 'quit' AG, I was fairly discusted with my works. I absolutely loathed them. And after a while, I realized something: that it didn't matter. Who cares what I thought about them. What matters is what OTHERs think about them. I wouldn't be able to grow as a writer if my angst over my own works led people to assume that they WERE bad.

While some of them genuinely reeked, there were others that were genuinely good. And as I looked back over my first writings, I realized another thing too: that I had gotten better. That my works had gone from a slipshod, unbalanced affair to a generarrly more organized shipshod affair.

So I am not making this thread to be unique in having *3* threads about my work, or for vanity, or anything like that. I am making it so that you, the reader, will look at my works, and will hopefully tell me how to get better.

Sincerely, Mav

 

Posted Dec 9, '10 at 7:37pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

First thing I wrote when I came back to AG. Entered into the Poetry Contest - Theme: Benches.
__________

Untitled

Crackiling cold; burning iron,
Wooden slats frosted white.
Cigar embers, burning hot
Ashes floating to the ground

Overcoats pulled tight
Seat leeching cold
from his body, atache
at his side.

Shuffling over, stamping
heavy boots, the weight
of the world carried.
On his back.

A short exchange; a brief
murmering.
Atache in hand.
Gone.

 

Posted Dec 9, '10 at 7:50pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

8. Falling Into the Abyss

Refuse, broken; cast
Away; forgotten. Roaring
Past my ears. A cry.

Wrote this for the 50 Themes challenge, and the topic is the title. I became inspired for this haiku after looking down the garbage disposal, and imagined the perspective of falling down it.

 

Posted Dec 9, '10 at 8:12pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

17. Self Hatred

Sucked into myself; enlightened
Evils within, corrupting me
Martyred for the cause
I set myself free

Born again on the rising tide
Of my soul, erupting into
a thousand suns
destroying it all

Out of the ashes
Black and white
Floating on the breeze
Sinking in the water

Painted blue; berserk
Non Compos Mentis
Loving some, crushing all
Two-faced lies

Into the abyssal
Nether reagions of my mind
There is no peace
There is no war

A single flame
In the brightest black
A moth to fire
Igniting me

All for love; 4 is 5
Doubting myself
Wreathed, a wraith
Entombed in chains

Trapped inside; forever free
Never tiring; seeking sleep
Finally submitting
Ending it all
__________
I also wrote this for the 50 Themes Challenge, and again, the topic is the title. Its about a person who continually searches their soul. They hate themself because they always end up seeing/finding dichotomic selves, hence the obvious placing of opposites throughout the poem:

There is no peace
There is no war

It also says that said person feels betrayed by themself in that they can't figure their very person out, causing further hate. I linked this in through a reference to Big Brother (George Orwell) and the Ministry of Love (irony on purpose):

All for love; 4 is 5
Doubting myself

All in all, its a somewhat depressing tale that ends in a uplifting/further depressing ending. Did the person find peace? Did they end it all with suicide? I leave that for you to ponder.

 

Posted Dec 10, '10 at 8:30pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

46. Someone Who Lives to Watch the World Burn

A Bavarian Waltz
Plays in her head, though
People never hear the tune.

Calmly she walks
Amung burned-out hulks
And facades leaning over the street.

Chic heels click loudly
On the cracked and charred
Cobbled stones of the avenue.

Ash rains down, swirling
Amid the breeze, buzzing
With her anticipation.

It begins to rain,
The overcast sky reflecting
How the world feels right now.

Sizzling, it falls
With Plinks! and Plops!
Cooling the wreckage, once ablaze.

Endorphines filled with
Pleasure flutter through
Her warped and twisted mind.

A match flares up, in
The greyness like a
Beacon for non-existent hope.

Through her fingers
It slips; twisting through
the air, it flares up.

Flames hungrily devour,
Setting the Whole World
Ablaze.
__________
I wrote this also for the 50 Theme Challenge. Just a typical descriptive poem, but I wrote the last line of each stanze with more sylabuls. This is to add to the effect of only having one word in the last line.

 

Posted Dec 10, '10 at 10:16pm

DeadlyVelociraptor

DeadlyVelociraptor

421 posts

nice poetry man, try making a rhyming poem, not that it is better, im just the sort of person who likes rhyming...

 

Posted Dec 11, '10 at 12:39pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

14. Nightmare

When I am asleep:
Shadows flit in-between,
Causing havoc and despair.

When I am awake:
Crossing over into
My life; recking everything.

When I am asleep:
Scenes warped out of control
Tantalizingly surreal.

When I am awake:
Showing on the outside
Turmoil burns my belly.

When I am asleep:
My insides filled with dread
Pain forcing my eyes open.

When I am awake:
Fear is my compainion
Can't take it anymore.
__________
Just cossing over a nightmare into how I feel asleep and awake. Inspired from real life, and also a Japanese Poem called 'Choka', where you start out with two similar sounds/words.

 

Posted Dec 11, '10 at 1:01pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

nice poetry man, try making a rhyming poem, not that it is better, im just the sort of person who likes rhyming...

I tend to touch rhyming with a 10-foot pole, if you know what I mean. I gues I'm more of a modernist when it comes to the poetry. I'll give it a shot though.

 

Posted Dec 11, '10 at 10:43pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

3,707 posts

26. Daydreams

I'm just one wing away.
Still, I can't outfly the day.
Won't you come with me, and stay,
We might reach there, to-day.

Woah-oooh-oooh-oh
Woah-oooh-oooh-oh
Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ah
Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ah

Won't you come with me, and fly,
And we can soar, up high.
Just wave the ground, good-bye.
So come and kiss, the sky.

Woah-oooh-oooh-oh
Woah-oooh-oooh-oh
Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ah
Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ah
__________
Wrote this for the 50 Themes Challenge. Its about flying, and I stuck it under 'daydream', 'cause well... thats what I daydream about. The first line kept popping up in my head, and I ran with it. Sorta turned into a song, I guess...

 

Posted Dec 11, '10 at 11:36pm

Nurvana

Nurvana

2,182 posts

Good work man but why Skunkworks?

 
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