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Lamentations

Posted Apr 30, '11 at 7:35pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,891 posts

Haiku

Rising from the ground,
Steel structures emulate the
Trees I used to know.
__________
Submitted to the Haiku Contest, and the theme was 'Jungle'. Inspired by the statement, 'The Urban Jungle', so I think that makes it obvious what the 'Steel Structures' are.

 

Posted May 3, '11 at 9:10pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,891 posts

The Artist

Hurry! All the colors are starting to fade!
See them bleed and run off my page.
Heres what goes when mistakes get out of hand:
It'll all disappear without change.
I see the crowd as they beckon me on:
They say 'Artist, you need to move on.'

 

Posted May 10, '11 at 4:59pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,417 posts

*coughI'mherecough*
:P
Okay well, my brain is too fuddled to comprehend your HUGE post on page 5, but not fuddled to where I can't say something about The Artist.
I loved it. But.
It has a whole rhythm thing going for it until the fourth line and then using on and on.
But. I still loved it.
*coughI'mgonecough*

 

Posted May 12, '11 at 5:08pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,891 posts

Haiku

Eternal I gaze,
As stars and snow blend and fall
On my frost-white tomb.

 

Posted May 13, '11 at 11:46am

DustyLee

DustyLee

218 posts

its ok stuff.....

 

Posted May 15, '11 at 10:23am

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,891 posts

its ok stuff.....


I will work harder.
 

Posted May 16, '11 at 4:53pm

Quirinus1

Quirinus1

158 posts

Haiku

Eternal I gaze,
As stars and snow blend and fall
On my frost-white tomb.



I like it! I imagine the grave of a viking warrior...
Yet allow me to have some criticism, which is perhaps out of place: in your second line you write
As stars and snow blend and fall
. These are all very short sounds, yet snow falls very gently and slow. Stars are eternal, and therefore very slow too. I think it was better described with much lower and slower sounds.
 

Posted May 16, '11 at 5:00pm

1337Player

1337Player

1,805 posts

Eternal I gaze,
As stars and snow blend and fall
On my frost-white tomb.

I imagine this scenery being the place where Dumbledore rests. Haikus are short but the reflect so much. Well done.
 

Posted May 20, '11 at 8:32am

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,891 posts

The Artist
(Lyrics)

Hurry! All the colors are starting to fade!
See them bleed and run off my page.
Heres what goes when mistakes get out of hand:
It will all dissapear without change.
I see the crowd as they beckon me on:
They say 'Artist, you need to go home.'
__________
I feel the need to 'duo' this again. See what I did there? Eh? Eh?

 

Posted May 21, '11 at 7:46pm

Maverick4

Maverick4

6,891 posts

Haiku

On top of the world,
Light-headed euphoria.
Crystal are the skies
__________
Wrote for the Haiku contest. The theme was 'Oxygen'. I wrote this while imagining what it'd be like to stand atop of Mt. Everest.

 
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