Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → The Writings of SupaLegit
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I am going to post the poems ant etc I make here. A critique and feedback would be appreciated!
The first one:
It
It lurks in the shadows;
Hides from the light.
So evil it turns meadows
Into nothing more than a horrible sight!
Dark and grim,
Gruesome and deadly
It is horrid and turns everything dim!
Children please, promise me,
That thee do not go
Outside alone!
It will shred you to pieces,
Eat your insides,
Drink your blood,
And feast on thy!
As It is dark and grim,
Gruesome and deadly,
Turns everything depressing and dim.
You have reached a crossroads,
Have a choice to make,
What will it be?
Choose wrong and the
Last thing we may hear from you
Is a blood curdling shriek that pierces the night!
So promise me children that thee
Do not go outside alone.
For It is lurking, and waiting for YOU!
- 103 Replies
I really like these, Legit.
I like the ended crisis one the most, but maybe I just didn't read into the other ones as well. D:
I really like these, Legit.
Thanks Tacky
my favorite poem that you have written is probably drowning.
That is my personal favorite too :O
I love all of you r word choice and, and how you organize things...nice legit
Thank you, thank you, I do try! :P
My Tanka entry for the Tanka contest! Tanka is like a Haiku, it form is 5-7-5-7-7. (syllables)
Crossroads
Oh, what shall I do?
I have come to a crossroads;
Must make up my mind.
So much pressure on my soul;
Choose wrong and I shall regret!
Thanks to Tacky for the theme of this poem, hope you enjoy!
Shattered Hopes
High hopes, heart beating ferociously.
Overwhelmed, ecstatic, insane
With immensely power emotions.
Hopes' sky high, heart is nearly
Beating through my heavy chest.
Then it strikes, full force,
Killing my hopes and killing
My precious thoughts of joy;
Disappointment is a deadly killer.
Heart slows down tremendously,
Hopes shatter like a dropped bottle.
A lone tear paves a road on my face;
Please don't cry, please don't cry.
Please this can't be the truth!
All I wanted was for something,
Anything, to go my way for once.
But no, you must thrust a knife
Through my shattered heart
And kill me, from inside out!
My heart stops beating I've lose it.
Desperately grasping any traces of joy.
My actions were done in vain,
Then many more tears sting my face
As I cry my song of depression.
Savage Inferno
It was a dark, silent night;
The stars twinkling bright.
A tiny spark lit up the dark,
A tiny glow in the park.
The spark fell gracefully to
The ground, simmering out.
Or so I had thought...
A dry path of grass caught
The spark, cradling it tight.
The dry patch of grass blew up
Into merciless flames of hatred.
The whole hill became a forest;
A forest of fury, a forest of flame.
The Inferno fled down the hillside,
Engulfing all who oppose its wrath.
The dark became light,
The cold receded.
Tress cast their shadows,
Wildlife flee the brush,
Birds soar from their nests,
And on the Inferno rages.
So hot, so bright, so smokey.
Sweat poured down my forehead,
My eyes scarred from the light,
My lungs stinging, savagely.
Suddenly I find myself engulfed;
My flesh searing with pain,
'Till I become no more than ash.
Through my shattered heart
I'm being really, really, really picky here, but why is your heart already shattered before it's stabbed?
Was the Savage inferno supposed to rhyme? It started out rhyming, but then it didn't continue...
I really liked the Shattered Hopes one.
but why is your heart already shattered before it's stabbed?
Well, you can look at it as my heart being shattered by the broken hopes and then add the pain of a knife going through you...
Also, I used shattered as opposed to something else, like battered, because the Poem is about things shattering.
Was the Savage inferno supposed to rhyme? It started out rhyming, but then it didn't continue...
Actually, at first I was not aware that is was rhyming. After the line ending in dark, I needed something for the last line of the stanza,and I decided to make it rhyme with dark... Thus the couplet'd stanza.
I really liked the Shattered Hopes one.
Good, it was meant to be enjoyed lol ;P
You're going to write an epic? Write one about a man searching for the sun. That would be awesome. Or a man searching for happiness.
OR a valiant battle that was actually just a metaphor for something deep.
I can't think of any ideas for my Raven attempt though.
OR a valiant battle that was actually just a metaphor for something deep.
Oh my god tacky!!! Brilliant idea! An epic in extended metaphor...would be awesome!
Hm... This might just be my big project as of now... Maybe true epic form, but I doubt I would write a several page long poem... Maybe extended metaphor in a large poem, not sure about EPIC lol...
You owe me one for the idea. :P
Where is the epic? I'm waaaaiiittinngggg
I dunno, where is it?
Oh yeah, it and 5 other versions (Not completed... I'm not insane enough to write an epic 6 times; it was only like a few stanzas...) are in my trash can...
Hope you are patient and/or forgetful, it may be a while :P
Falling
Above all else, king of the land!
Laugh at the puny ants below me.
At times above the balls of cotton,
Other times in their shadows.
Suddenly, the air runs away from me,
Buffeting my face, punching my body.
The ants below me grow larger,
The fluffy balls of cotton laugh
At me as the descend above my head.
The world below me is so large now;
The ants now half my size!
Time seems to slow down,
Everything is in slow motion.
The ants scream and point at me,
Have I done something wrong?
I decide to simply wave hello.
Then, just then, the air got
Knocked right out of my chest.
Head bursts with pain, my brain
Screams out within my broken mind,
Limbs go numb, and I can feel nothing,
And then my heartbeats no more?
My world dims out, gone, forevermore.
Such a pity to go out with a loud thud
Right at the front door of your kingdom!
I like it, but I don't know what it's supposed to mean..I'd like to apologize for being stupid. Could you explain it please? Because it sounds good, but it sort of sucks when I don't know what it is.
And also...FOUR NEW POEMS CHECK IT CHECK IT CHECK IT OUTTTT. XD
Wow, writing frenzy? Anyways, its about suicide, I think the rest is explanatory...
I'm experimenting with Terza rimas now, I hope you like it!
Seasons
The cool breath of Autumn chills my bare flesh,
Only to be engulfed by Winter's death.
Yet to come is the heat and Summer's dear fresh.
Why not give you guys a Idyll too; I need to find different styles anyway!
English Countryside
A cool, breezy day
On the English countryside:
Birds chirp over head,
In the breeze the wheat sways.
The heat seems to hide,
As get out of our bed.
On a picnic we go,
Heat decided not to show.
Alas the sun sets, magnificent colors bloom.
Under the willow tree I was asked to be a groom.
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