ForumsArt, Music, and WritingThe things in Neef's head.

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Neef
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Neef
149 posts
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Hello people,

This is my thread, Thanks to Icy for the encouragement, and I'll post poems here, and you guys can do whatever. I mean, like you don't have to say anything, but it'd be nice to be critiqued once in a while. Since I'll post whenever...
T.T

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Neef
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Neef
149 posts
60

If you would have me,
Then I would not be so sad,
but you won't, so there.

I call that, Pathetic.
I can't get any insapration right now...

Neef
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Neef
149 posts
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Since i can't get inspiration,
I'll just write a poem 'bout the nothings in my head.

My thoughts,
are just floating,
waiting for the nothing to come,
and watching the nothings that pass.

a vast wasteland,
full of lacking,
Waiting for somthing,
That won't happen.

You could wait for seconds,
or hours or days,
you'd get nothin' I reckon',
as I'd be in a daze.

I ate air for breakfast,
Nibbled on some nitrogen,
and chewed on the carbon
and I gulped it all down,
with a few sips of oxygen.

Neef
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Neef
149 posts
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The emptyness,
Mocks me,
Blankness,
Tempting thee,
To fill it.
But i can't,
When i set my fingers,
Nothing comes to mind,
So I feel like a slate wiped clean,
Nothing occupying me.

my thoughts and my feelings,
have ran away,
leaving me deserted,
with nothing but more nothing.

Neef
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Neef
149 posts
60

Who knew my inspiration would be my lack of insparation?

Neef
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Neef
149 posts
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When you leave and don't come back for a while,
There is a missing piece inside of me,
Nothing will fill it but your words and your smile.
I need you to be here so that i can be happy.

Neef
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Neef
149 posts
60

Morning!
well, morning for me because i just woke up. by the looks of it, It is afternoon. and now a poem.

When you don't want to let go,
It is easier not to say goodbye,
But to say hello.
Good night Vinod.

SecretNinjaPineapple
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SecretNinjaPineapple
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wow, great poems!
I loved the, "I ate air for breakfast,
Nibbled on some nitrogen,
and chewed on the carbon
and I gulped it all down,
with a few sips of oxygen" poem the best, but that could be 'coz I'm studying for a Chem test.. :P
and the poems about the nothings in your head were kinda cool too

Neef
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Neef
149 posts
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(After getting over the shock...
"People actually read my poems?"...)

Thanks... I guess i was kinda bored, so i just wrote some stuff down? Does that sound right? eh, whatever... Thanks I didn't have an idea what my poems would look like to other people (Maybe annoying?) so it's good to know.
Darn... out of inspiraton again. Oh well.

You led me to the end of my rope,
And kept me going with the promise of hope.
I couldn't believe that you were real,
I thought that this was all too surreal.
I have been alone for so long,
And I desperetley wanted to be wrong.

Neef
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Neef
149 posts
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This cold, barren wasteland,
Is the beginnings of your heart,
Bathed in the blood of man,
Frozen over from the very start.

daniel1570
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daniel1570
65 posts
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yo dude your poems are like awesome!!!

LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
305 posts
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This cold, barren wasteland,
Is the beginnings of your heart,
Bathed in the blood of man,
Frozen over from the very start.


My favorite one of yours so far.
It just made me go into deep thought while reading it.
Nice work, man.
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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I like the last one as well.
But what nags me is you used real then surreal in the other.

Neef
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Neef
149 posts
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[/quote]what nags me is you used real then surreal in the other[quote]

Heh, ya, I couldn't think of anything else.

LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
305 posts
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You led me to the end of my rope,
And kept me going with the promise of hope.
I couldn't believe that you were real,
I thought that this was all too surreal.
I have been alone for so long,
And I desperetley wanted to be wrong.


It seems that you forced it to rhyme too much, poems are meant to have a good flow, that seemed a little thrown together.
Neef
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Neef
149 posts
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Eh! I made it go backwards TToTT

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