I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!
Grayness clouds the eyes, of a man fading from life, Such sorrow and broken hope, Such horror and strife. His arm falls limply to his side, His sword falls from his hand, This is what war does to us Death of the memories of man
Drowning in your tears, That fall sparkling from your eyes, The sorrow fills the empty room, And swells towards the skies, I find myself trying to swim, But your regrets bog me down, I'm falling through your broken dreams, I'm not afraid to drown.
A repetitive noise, A buzzing beep, A loudly clanging herd of sheep, A bashing, banging waterfall, A bouncing, crashing, falling ball, A slurping, groaning choir of hounds, A howling growling noise resounds.
I'd like to live a life unseen, Melting into night, I'd like to stay in a dream, Hiding from the light. Quiet, living in the cracks of a land unknown, I'd like to follow Earheart's tracks And disappear all alone.
I'd like to live a life unseen, Melting into night, I'd like to stay in a dream, Hiding from the light. Quiet, living in the cracks of a land unknown, I'd like to follow Earheart's tracks And disappear all alone.
This poem was magnificent TNT! Truly amazing. I do agree with jeol in terms of making it flow better, plus the within just... needs to be there, makes more sense. The poem has a nice meaning behind it as well.
In "War" the last line could be changed to make it sound better, but it too is remarkable. Oh one tiny mistake capitalize the o in Of ;P
I tried to not rhyme in this one. Tell me how you like it!
Unfortunate Acts
We can never control ourselves, We do as we please, Fighting the authority Because we are bored, Stealing from the poor Though we have all we need, Committing acts We wish we could take back. And making mistakes That haunt our minds forever.
