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Tackeh's 10,000 Etchings

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 6:52pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!

 

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 6:53pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

War

Grayness clouds the eyes,
of a man fading from life,
Such sorrow and broken hope,
Such horror and strife.
His arm falls limply to his side,
His sword falls from his hand,
This is what war does to us
Death of the memories of man

 

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 6:54pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

Regrets and Sorrow

Drowning in your tears,
That fall sparkling from your eyes,
The sorrow fills the empty room,
And swells towards the skies,
I find myself trying to swim,
But your regrets bog me down,
I'm falling through your broken dreams,
I'm not afraid to drown.

 

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 6:55pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

Sounds

A repetitive noise,
A buzzing beep,
A loudly clanging
herd of sheep,
A bashing, banging
waterfall,
A bouncing, crashing,
falling ball,
A slurping, groaning
choir of hounds,
A howling growling
noise resounds.

 

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 6:59pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

A Life Unseen

I'd like to live a life unseen,
Melting into night,
I'd like to stay in a dream,
Hiding from the light.
Quiet, living in the cracks
of a land unknown,
I'd like to follow Earheart's tracks
And disappear all alone.

 

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 8:35pm

LivingToDie

LivingToDie

313 posts

I'd like to follow Earheart's tracks


Loved that line!

Brilliant work TNT, keep it up.
Told ya people would read it.
 

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 9:05pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

Thanks, you guys.
Your comments made me very, very happy.

 

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 9:13pm

jeol

jeol

3,987 posts

"A Life Unseen" is really good!
Just a couple of things...
I'd like to stay within a dream,
and
And disappear () alone.
I think it would make it flow easier. But still, really really good poem.

 

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 9:14pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

I'll try to submit a poem every day. Though that'll probably be pretty darn difficult...

 

Posted Mar 26, '11 at 9:15pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

Thanks, jeol! That does make it flow a lot better.

 
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