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TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!

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TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Will it work??? Will it?
This is how I'd like to look. Notice I'm wearing knee-protection, due to the fact that I roller-blade. Yes, I have a dagger. Yes, I have bunny ears, a reference to my exit path avatar.

http://img710.imageshack.us/i/scan0001.pdf/

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Here's a Tanka I wrote for Moon's Tanka contest. Zombies FTW.

The terrified shrieks
Of those fleeing from the dead,
Echo in the night air.
But help will not arrive now,
And the world will be ravaged.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

And here is something I wrote for the Nonet contest. Fun stuff.

Your smiling face is my only bliss.
Your heart is my secret treasure.
A grin from you lights my world.
As long as I'm with you,
Nothing can hurt me.
And I will smile,
I will laugh.
You're my
joy.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

And last but not least, here's a poem I wrote for the General Poetry Competition.

First they were so eager,
Their eyes were bright and sharp,
They headed off to the front,
With excitement in their hearts

They drummed out a marching beat,
Their feet pounding the ground,
Then the warriors begin to fall,
A heavy, muffled sound.

Death descends upon them all,
And whisks their dreams away,
Their figures are left there alone,
And the horrid sight remains.

The saddening tales of the fallen,
the fallen and the true,
Let their stories find your heart
And their dreams fall onto you.

tegan190
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tegan190
783 posts
Nomad

I love the last 2 lines!!!!!!!! It was a perfect ending to this peom. I really liked how you began optomistic then you ending on a sorrowfull note. Good poems!

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

You know I love your poems Tacky, but lets switch roles.
You go emotional.
I'd like to see that.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Is my haiku on page five or something not emotional enough? No? Oh, all right.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I erased my whole first stanza... T.T
This will be the first in a series of poems in which I will try to be emotional. Experimenting FTW! I will probably fail, but OH WELL.
I also may or may not have been influenced by my newest idol E.E. Cumming's odd writing style.

Nothing

I have never

Felt such
P-a-i-n.
Never
Felt such
Bliss.
Breathing in your
Chilled breath.
Sharing in your
Smothered life.

I am nothing

But your
puppet.
I am [ ]
apart from
you.
I am but your
Dark shadow,
Echo-ing.

And how

you use your words
As daggers,
Sharpened
at the
tip

Piercing me at the
heart.
Searing my
narrow veins.

But I won't cry
and I won't stray.
From/for
you
are my
only
Light.

You are
Indescribable

Your love is
Intangible

and

Your words are
Indelible

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
*mind blown*

THAT WAS AWESOME TACKY.
You had me hanging on your every word.

The side effect would be,
I WANT MORE.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Thanks, to the both of ya!
I'm not sure I'll be able to duplicate the effect, however. :P
I'm also considering posting a short story of sorts. That way I'll have covered poetry, visual art, and prose.
Tell me wgat you think!

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

Wgat I thing....
Well, a short story is always difficult, at least it has been for me. I have to make it longer, so I just gave up xD
Got any themes for this story of yours?

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I'm writing on a touchpad so it's more difficult. xD
Themes? Obviously I want to do something simple, so it's not going to be a murder mystery or anything. Maybe it will be fantasy, maybe it'll be realistic fiction. All shall be revealed tommorrow.....

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

You want unicorns in it? Oh, all right. XD
Just kidding, of course. I think I shall try to write something....philosophical? Maybe?

SupaLegit
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SupaLegit
644 posts
Nomad

Tacky, try to hide a feeling on something underneath the story ;D

Like main idea covered up by alternate sub-emotions.
That would be epic, I love writing like that, but I'm to lazy to copy one of my works to my thread... For I wrote it for school, on paper. I'd have to find it, then either try to figure out how to use my photo scanner, or type it >.>

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Here goes nothing....

Part One

I have yet to see the light. Call me a depressed and ungrateful child, but to me, there is no purpose. Weâre born. we live, we die. Thereâs nothing else to it. There is no meaning of life. Of course, some might say âOh, but you create a better place for future generations to come! Everyone is important!â That may be true for the rest of you, but Iâm not. I donât do anything. Whatâs the point, if I canât? I hold the little bottle of pills up to the light. I can see the outlines of the capsules, smooth and round. Ending it wouldnât be so bad, really-
A jarring screech tears its way through my thoughts. I peer out the window angrily, wondering who dared to interrupt my suicidal thoughts. Suicidal. The word scares me a little, actually. I decide to find another adjective for my way of thinking. Another screech echoes through the roads, causing me to drop the bottle, letting it clatter to the floor. Opening the window, I look around, and am suddenly face to face with a mangy looking boy and a large moving truck. We lock eyes for a moment, and a wide grin spreads across his face. Oh, right. I remember with a jolt. The new neighbors were moving in today. I sigh like the moody teen I am, and lean down to grab the bottle of pills. When I look back through the window, the boy is still there.

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