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Tackeh's 10,000 Etchings

Posted Mar 30, '11 at 5:28pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,630 posts

Ah, I see.

The beasts clench their straining jaws,
steady their feet upon the floor,
Don't move an inch, won't bend at all,
Won't give up what they're fighting for

Then the raging fire swiftly quells,
As a single tear falls from her eyes
The moment passed, the beasts are gone,
The hate dissipates towards the skies.

I don't really like the ending...sorry guys. :P

 

Posted Mar 30, '11 at 5:35pm

sasquatchcarrot

sasquatchcarrot

146 posts

uh ya... pretty good, ya.. hmm, ya uhh.. uhh, ya... NEEDS MORE COWBELL!!! or at least have like an audio were a sweet little old grandmamer is reading the poems, still good though. see you later sticky-tack.

 

Posted Mar 30, '11 at 5:44pm

VastEvilness

VastEvilness

33 posts

These are pretty decent, Tacky.
The ending on the last one was fine, the flow to it is great!
Stay writing, can't wait to see more from you.

 

Posted Mar 30, '11 at 5:53pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,630 posts

Only decent????!?!?!111/1/1//??
Just kidding.
Thanks, for the feedback, VEvil! (That's what I'm going to call you from now on)

And Veggie, I will work on the cowbell. SNL hahaha.

 

Posted Mar 30, '11 at 6:15pm

VastEvilness

VastEvilness

33 posts

VEvil! (That's what I'm going to call you from now on)

Alright, that's pretty great, has a nice ring to it.
I'm going to call you Crazy from now on. :D

 

Posted Mar 30, '11 at 6:27pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,630 posts

Nope, sorry, name's Tacky.

 

Posted Mar 30, '11 at 6:28pm

VastEvilness

VastEvilness

33 posts

Not for me, your name is Crazy, this is why you call me Evil. ;)

 

Posted Mar 30, '11 at 6:30pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,630 posts

Then I'm not responding, because Crazy is not my name.

 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 6:27pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,630 posts

I think I'll make a haiku. Or perhaps a set, depending on my mood. :D

Waiting

I'm waiting here still,
Breathing in the icy air
Waiting all alone.

 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 9:26pm

jeol

jeol

3,565 posts

I haven't had much experience with haikus, but this is pretty good.

 
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