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Tackeh's 10,000 Etchings

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 9:31pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

Thanks, jeol! What do you think of the anger one?

 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 9:41pm

jeol

jeol

3,987 posts

It was pretty good! I like how it ended sort of like it was a dream. (:))

 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 9:42pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

Waiting

It's snowing, all white
I can see my breath, frosted,
The people walking.

I'm waiting here still,
Breathing in the icy air
Waiting all alone.

The bench is like ice,
Chilled under my fingertips,
And the snow still falls.

The snow coats my hair,
Like puffs of powdery clouds...
It's getting so dark.

I'll sit forever,
An unmoving silhouette
Frozen on a bench.

Waiting for you.

 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 9:58pm

jeol

jeol

3,987 posts

Wow. Like! (Can't wait for AG3) It's like a series of haikus :D

 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 10:38pm

SupaLegit

SupaLegit

670 posts

It's like a series of haikus

It is, excluding

Waiting for you.


I think it would have been great to turn that line into Haiku form, making that the last line.
 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 10:53pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

How about this?

I'll watch time pass by,
The years and months stretch too long,
Waiting, still, for you.

 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 10:58pm

SupaLegit

SupaLegit

670 posts

Didn't like the wording in the middle line... How about:

I'll watch time pass on,
The years and months stretching by;
Waiting, still, for you.

 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 11:32pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

Ah...that does sound better. :P
And that is why you are more awesome than me.
Thanks, Supa! :)

 

Posted Mar 31, '11 at 11:36pm

SupaLegit

SupaLegit

670 posts

No problem, I just ask I can use those lines I made in a future poem sometime ^^
Oh and thanks much for the compliment, much appreciated hehe!

 

Posted Apr 1, '11 at 3:32pm

TackyCrazyTNT

TackyCrazyTNT

1,955 posts

Nice. I wrote a poem. It's totally mine.

IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY....
SOMETHINGSOMETHINGSOMETHING
WE WE WE SO EXCITED...WE SO EXCITE...

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

I'm working on yet another haiku. Maybe I'll even use the haiku for what it's intended for, to write about nature.

 
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