ForumsArt, Music, and WritingTackeh's 10,000 Etchings

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TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!

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TruthfulLiar
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TruthfulLiar
13 posts
Nomad

These are pretty decent poems, Tacky.
Sometimes not rhyming in a poem sounds much better to me than a poem that rhymes, good work!

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Which poem had bad flow? I want to try and fix it.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Oh, I see. Thanks for the feedback!
I'm busy studying for a test today, so no uploads for today! I am working on a free verse one though.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I tried that, but I got really mad and the entire poem ended up sounding really corny. Like:
Heart pounding, beating
Like a bouncing ball,
TESTS SUCK

I may have changed the ending slightly.

Also, PANDA.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

Aw. Tacky, you went from newb to fellow poet.
~eyes shine~
I enjoy them all except for Sounds.
I have a difficult time trying not to rhyme.
It comes naturally and without it, it just doesn't feel the same.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Thanks so much, MoonFairy!
And Starcutie, go for it!
Jeol, I'm glad you liked my poem. :P

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Anger

The tension tears the room apart,
and the silence stretches far too thin.
The spiteful, hating pairs of eyes,
Reveal the snarling beasts within.

Not sure if I should add another stanza or not. And as you can see, I'm not very creative with poem names.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,390 posts
Shepherd

Poems don't need names.
Another stanza would add on, and it needs to bee added on to.
Get it?

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Ah, I see.

The beasts clench their straining jaws,
steady their feet upon the floor,
Don't move an inch, won't bend at all,
Won't give up what they're fighting for

Then the raging fire swiftly quells,
As a single tear falls from her eyes
The moment passed, the beasts are gone,
The hate dissipates towards the skies.

I don't really like the ending...sorry guys. :P

sasquatchcarrot
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sasquatchcarrot
189 posts
Nomad

uh ya... pretty good, ya.. hmm, ya uhh.. uhh, ya... NEEDS MORE COWBELL!!! or at least have like an audio were a sweet little old grandmamer is reading the poems, still good though. see you later sticky-tack.

VastEvilness
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VastEvilness
33 posts
Nomad

These are pretty decent, Tacky.
The ending on the last one was fine, the flow to it is great!
Stay writing, can't wait to see more from you.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Only decent????!?!?!111/1/1//??
Just kidding.
Thanks, for the feedback, VEvil! (That's what I'm going to call you from now on)

And Veggie, I will work on the cowbell. SNL hahaha.

VastEvilness
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VastEvilness
33 posts
Nomad

VEvil! (That's what I'm going to call you from now on)


Alright, that's pretty great, has a nice ring to it.
I'm going to call you Crazy from now on.
TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Nope, sorry, name's Tacky.

VastEvilness
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VastEvilness
33 posts
Nomad

Not for me, your name is Crazy, this is why you call me Evil.

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