ForumsArt, Music, and WritingTackeh's 10,000 Etchings

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TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
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I decided I'd try and post some of my poems on here, since I liked the first line poem thread so much. I would really like some advice on how to improve. Thanks!

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TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
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Thanks Star, for the compliments!
And also *<:0)
clown.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
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I tried to not rhyme in this one. Tell me how you like it!

Unfortunate Acts

We can never control ourselves,
We do as we please,
Fighting the authority
Because we are bored,
Stealing from the poor
Though we have all we need,
Committing acts
We wish we could take back.
And making mistakes
That haunt our minds forever.

TruthfulLiar
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These are pretty decent poems, Tacky.
Sometimes not rhyming in a poem sounds much better to me than a poem that rhymes, good work!

jeol
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jeol
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Sometimes not rhyming in a poem sounds much better to me than a poem that rhymes, good work!

Yeah, if you try to rhyme usually it doesn't come out right. It's best to let it flow. Good poem, TNT.
TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
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Which poem had bad flow? I want to try and fix it.

jeol
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jeol
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Which poem had bad flow? I want to try and fix it.

I don't know. I didn't write them. I was just saying that writing the first thing that comes to mind is [usually] the best thing to write.
TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
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Oh, I see. Thanks for the feedback!
I'm busy studying for a test today, so no uploads for today! I am working on a free verse one though.

jeol
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jeol
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I'm busy studying for a test today, so no uploads for today! I am working on a free verse one though.

Write a poem about your test?
TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
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I tried that, but I got really mad and the entire poem ended up sounding really corny. Like:
Heart pounding, beating
Like a bouncing ball,
TESTS SUCK

I may have changed the ending slightly.

Also, PANDA.

jeol
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jeol
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TESTS SUCK

I may have changed the ending slightly.

Also, PANDA.

Haha. That's hilarious. And we all know that Panda's are waay smarter than humans.
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Aw. Tacky, you went from newb to fellow poet.
~eyes shine~
I enjoy them all except for Sounds.
I have a difficult time trying not to rhyme.
It comes naturally and without it, it just doesn't feel the same.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
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Thanks so much, MoonFairy!
And Starcutie, go for it!
Jeol, I'm glad you liked my poem. :P

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
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Anger

The tension tears the room apart,
and the silence stretches far too thin.
The spiteful, hating pairs of eyes,
Reveal the snarling beasts within.

Not sure if I should add another stanza or not. And as you can see, I'm not very creative with poem names.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Poems don't need names.
Another stanza would add on, and it needs to bee added on to.
Get it?

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
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Ah, I see.

The beasts clench their straining jaws,
steady their feet upon the floor,
Don't move an inch, won't bend at all,
Won't give up what they're fighting for

Then the raging fire swiftly quells,
As a single tear falls from her eyes
The moment passed, the beasts are gone,
The hate dissipates towards the skies.

I don't really like the ending...sorry guys. :P

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