Forums → The Tavern → General Relationship Thread
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I've noticed the increase in threads being made about problems with relationships and dating. Now, I have no problem with the subject matter. No, my problem is with the amount of threads people are creating about it.
Judging by all these threads being made about the same thing, it's safe to say it's inevitable for these questions to be asked; and since the answers to these relationship/dating questions are generally very similar, putting all the questions in one thread saves time and posting.
No, this is not a thread where you specifically ask me for advice; I don't know very much about this subject. I'm simply the guy who has created the thread so you can post your questions for anybody to answer.
So if you have a question about dating or relationships, or anything along those lines, ask it here, wait for someone to reply here, and don't make a new thread about it!
- 2,106 Replies
I wouldn't go for a girl that I can't meet physically most days though.
True, but I have never felt this way about any other girl before, at least not for this long of a time.
So uh, hypothetically, how weird would it be to ask a girl out that you have not seen in about 6 years? I would ask her out in person when I visit where she lives but would it still be too weird?
No necessarily, re-acquaint yourself with her. This makes the question seem a little less awkward. I'd say talk to her for maybe 1 month as frequently as possible. She has to make the decision that she is interested in you too.
We talk through text a bunch.
Gahhhhh, no! Common mistake most guys make, don't do this. At least, don't do this unless you also talk to her alot irl, or meet her, or she'll start to associate you with only texting, hiding behind a wall of words.
I agree with nichodemus, it creates a hypothetical veil between you two cutting of emotion on a very high level. Human interaction is the best way to understand someone, so if you wish to ask her out, you need to spend time with her. As a personal suggestion, create a "rototype date". Create a friendly chat session between you two (like talking at the park, school, etc..) and talk about you're interests and interact with humor or the way you'd act normally. That way, when you ask her later, she will have a reference as to how the date may turn out.
Plus, you need that "face to face" communication. A connection between people can be immensely different between text conversations and real life conversations.
Exactly, if you only know someone through texting in real life it can be very awkward.
Since you know, I just have the time and money to fly halfway across the country just to talk in person to her.
THAT would be a statement!
I moved after 7th grade. Personally I think that 7th grade is too young to start dating.
I agree, but it varies per person.
Darn, I was totally just going to start the conversation with "Hi, how have you been? Want to go out?'
I can tell you are doing this for the first time, aren't you?
True, but I have never felt this way about any other girl before, at least not for this long of a time.
If you truly feel that way you need to adapt to the standard norm dating requires, one of which being, getting to know her. From there you know what to do. But if you continue to text, the further away from that person you become.
No necessarily, re-acquaint yourself with her. This makes the question seem a little less awkward. I'd say talk to her for maybe 1 month as frequently as possible. She has to make the decision that she is interested in you too.
I have heard of people just asking each other out, out of the blue after quite a significant period of time, with positive results, but those shouldn't be taken as the median. Mino is right, get to rekindle your relationship first before doing anything.
I can tell you are doing this for the first time, aren't you?
No cheesy, ''witty'' pick up lines, but don't be so upfront about it. Remember, most girls generally like guys who are confident, have a plan, and aren't vague, or have no idea of what to do.
If you truly feel that way you need to adapt to the standard norm dating requires, one of which being, getting to know her. From there you know what to do. But if you continue to text, the further away from that person you become.
YES. If she's back for good, then it's alright. Proceed like with any other girl.
Lol, in the bag already, but normally if you were old enough, I would suggest escalating it to another level just to nail it.
Since it was to me..
I'm not that young I'll have you know..but I'm not asking her out to just "nail it"..I don't like the idea of such a thing. I like taking things relatively slow..have the relationship mean something.
Anyways..unless something happens..we have plans to grab a quick bite to eat and then go to the movies after school tomorrow. We would do the date this weekend..but I'll be in Kansas City (anyone a KC resident and want to meet pang? =D)
I'll let y'all know how it goes (the date..maybe KC too)
but I'll be in Kansas City (anyone a KC resident and want to meet pang? =D)
Yankees
Of course, KC will be great if the Yanks win. And if they dont break Moe again.
Where am... O! GRT. OK. Ya. I remember this place.
Just die already!
But uh yeah. I agree with the other peoples. Texting/Facebook is ok every now and then, but it kills any chance you have if you use it too much. Face to face is best, and if you cant do that I think something like skype or a phone call would be better than texting.
I'm not that young I'll have you know..but I'm not asking her out to just "nail it"..I don't like the idea of such a thing. I like taking things relatively slow..have the relationship mean something.
Oh no not that, the nail it here has no sexual connotations to it. The word escalate does though. Nail it as in seal the deal, and ensure she gets with you.
What can someone do about someone he wants to get with but refuses to stay with him even though she likes him alot and has told him even wal in a relationship with someone else.
Nothing. If she blatantly says she wants a relationship with someone else, why bother.
Problem is she doesn't want a relationship, she wont stay with anyone I'm really trying to figuire her out more than anything
she wont stay with anyone
Might as well just be friends then. If she's got commitment issues or something, it's not worth the hastle.
Problem is she doesn't want a relationship,
With you, or with anyone?
Not staying with someone doesn't mean anything, especially if you're still a minor, or for any other reason. More details for more advice.
Well long time no talk people.
not really looking for advice, just an update, but if you have advice, go ahead and share it.
Well after i stopped talking and stopped liking that girl that had sex with her boyfriend, they broke up.
Mean while i finally got to guts to ask this girl i have had a crush on since 6th grade to the eighth grade dance, but was rejected. a week later on a band trip in new york, another guy asked her out and she said yes. This guy is PERFECT. School president, #1 in school for grades, captain of basketball team, leader of his band section, etc. He is also a good person, nice, respectful, funny, etc.
So in between me asking her and him asking her, she talked to me about how she doesnt want to waste a middle school fling with me over maturity. If we dated now, it would sputter out sooner based on lack of responsibility and maturity. Also neither of us have had too many dating experiences(besides her being sexually assaulted at knife point by her boyfriend last year), so she said that we need to explore other people and make mistakes.
Basically we said that in 11th-12th grade, if we still liked each other, we would try it as a more longterm thing rather than a short term fling.
Personally i truly believe i was friendzoned.
But lately we have gotten in some fights and have boycotted each other in both speech and acknowledgment of each others presence(which is hard because we are neighbors and carpool).
All she freaking does is talk about her new boyfriend and how perfect he is. Also, she made me give a speech of recommendation about her new boyfriend to her dad.
Either i am just sensitive to this because i am jealous, or she is being a b****
theres my rant.
This guy is PERFECT. School president, #1 in school for grades, captain of basketball team, leader of his band section, etc. He is also a good person, nice, respectful, funny, etc.
Are you writing a movie? This guy just sounds like the epitome of cliche
she talked to me about how she doesnt want to waste a middle school fling with me over maturity. If we dated now, it would sputter out sooner based on lack of responsibility and maturity. Also neither of us have had too many dating experiences, so she said that we need to explore other people and make mistakes.
Insanely good advice. It may absolutely suck and not be a fun thing to hear..but it is something to adhere to.
I've been in a relationship that started in 8th grade. It lasted for 3 years. It had some really good times.
It was also miserable.
Also neither of us have had too many dating experiences(besides her being sexually assaulted at knife point by her boyfriend last year)
Oh...well that sounds nice. Seems like quite the romantic.
She's getting therapy for this..right?
And how much of it do you know is true? Has she told anyone else about it? Is she the only one that can attest for it? (for these two questions..in other words..did she tell her parents and the proper authorities?)
Basically we said that in 11th-12th grade, if we still liked each other, we would try it as a more longterm thing rather than a short term fling.
Did you just say this..or make it like a pact thing?
In other words..will she/you remember this deal by then?
Personally i truly believe i was friendzoned.
Depends on how much she meant it..which you can't say for sure.
Case in point..my best friend. If she and I made a pact as such..we'd **** sure follow it..but not everyone is like that.
All she freaking does is talk about her new boyfriend and how perfect he is.
"Honeymoon phase" of relationship. Plus..she is in middle school..of course she will. It's a new and joyful experience, and it's heightened because she is young and (admittedly) immature.
It'll take a dive-bomb in due time. I'd put my money on it.
Either i am just sensitive to this because i am jealous
Understandably.
she is being a b****
I wouldn't call her that..she is just young
theres my rant.
Well..that was quite the calm rant. Just one cuss word.
1/10
Ok answers.
she told authorities and her parents. The same kid attempted to to do it to other girls. so its true.
Yeah it was a pact. I sure as hell will remember and adhere to it. I dont know about her. i think she will.
yes all that is true about the guy
If we dated now, it would sputter out sooner based on lack of responsibility and maturity. Also neither of us have had too many dating experiences(besides her being sexually assaulted at knife point by her boyfriend last year), so she said that we need to explore other people and make mistakes.
Basically we said that in 11th-12th grade, if we still liked each other, we would try it as a more longterm thing rather than a short term fling.
I'm going to break some hard truths here, but yes, at least you realised:
Personally i truly believe i was friendzoned.
The fact that she accepted a date with someone else might not mean anything, since one-off dates don't mean anything, provided that when you meant ''ask out'', it was a solitary date. She accepted a date. That speaks volumes. It shows that at least she's interested.
I personally think that the ''act'' is nothing more than a pacifier for you. Girls won't outright reject you most of the time. Most are nicer creatures than we give them credit for, and they would at least want a diplomatic way of ending things, which is what she did. If she's forcing you to wait at least a couple of years, face it, you've been friendzoned. Girls might back out of starting a relationship and still like you, but in this case, she clearly has other interests, upon whom she somehow is not going to use the maturity card against.
If a woman likes you enough to respect you, she will not go out with other people. If a woman likes you enough to want a future relationship, and is not ready now, she would make it obvious to you that she will be available, by not going out almost immediately with another guy.
But lately we have gotten in some fights and have boycotted each other in both speech and acknowledgment of each others presence(which is hard because we are neighbors and carpool).
All she freaking does is talk about her new boyfriend and how perfect he is. Also, she made me give a speech of recommendation about her new boyfriend to her dad.
Big big signs of friendzone ok? Firstly, the fact that you fight like a couple without being one, means you're a friend. Secondly, if she talks about other guys, in a way that shows she likes him, forget it! It's alright if she talks about guys that she can't get (Liking that sports star, that movie star!), but if she moans about her boyfriend, you're insanely friendzoned.
Either i am just sensitive to this because i am jealous, or she is being a b****
She just doesn't like you enough mate. Honestly to sum up, most of the time, if a girl likes you, she will give off signs, perhaps subtle ones, but enough for you to pick up. She won't date another guy right in front of you, and continue talking to you all the time, making you hang on. Even if she does like you, honestly, would you want a girl that hangs onto several guys at the same time, weighing her options? A girl who likes you can and might make you wait, which girl does not have her insecurities and qualms, even if she really is interested? But a girl who makes herself available to others, and not to you, is not worth it.
Take the next part with a pinch of salt:
But look, if you really want to get her, which might not be the case after a few more years, then do some things. Don't ever show your jealousies, your immense liking for her, or she'll know that she has you on the line. You lost the power game, and the ball is in her court to do whatever she wants. Cool the interest, show her that you have other options. It drives a woman crazy, even an attached girl who liked you a smidgen, to know she's not the only one. It shows her you're independent, have your own life (which I trust you do, but you know what I mean).
Does this work? Not all the time. But it does work. A few years back, I was in your situation. I like a girl crazily. I showed her that, and it played right into her hand. I was getting nowhere, but deeper into jealousy and friendzoning.
So, I learnt my lesson, and moved on. Went out with other girls. Lost my interest in her, which was an unforeseen effect from cooling my interest and contact with her. What happened? Now she's begging me weekly to go out with her. Turn the chase and attraction around. You want to at least have the leading part in the relationship most of the time right? Play your cards right.
We've all had our embarrassing and painful memories and experiences with the opposite sex. But the faster we learn what to do right, the more effective we get our dates. So, good luck, post more if you need in the future.
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