'Sup guys, just stopping by to spill some head contents since, well, there isn't really any of my friends whom I'd single out to talk about such with (it's just weird to bring up), and anyone who steps into this thread already knows what the general topic is. And thoughts need airing.
Right.
So there's this person. We met online - in an mmo, specifically - about a year ago. Had joined the same guild around the same time. (Note that the majority of my social life happens online and I like it that way. I do have local friends and acquaintances too, I just spend less time on them.)
Anyway.
Slowly a friendship grew and we extended our ability to stay in touch. More communicating, closer bond. The trust grew enough that I ended up being the first person she came out to. After a bit over half a year, with a confession that she "is not actually, at present, female".
Now, me being me, I was largely unfazed by this. Even now that we've had skype calls going a few times, that male voice she's striving to change doesn't actually shake my perception of her as a, well, her. It doesn't exactly make anything simpler, though.
After said coming out our communication frequency spiked, partially because there was now this huge thing in her life that she didn't have to hide. Not that it became all we talked about. There's been plenty of random chittering, plenty of fun and plenty of friendly debate on serious topics too. And with the frequent communication came more relying on each other. It's been working out well as a very solid friendship and it's a wonderful thing to have, really.
Then a few months ago (late August/early September) I kinda had to realise I'd developed a crush on her. There was some denial. Then some "but we'd be an awful match anyway" from me in a feeble attempt to shun the feelings before they took hold. She kind of countered that, though, so it really didn't take long at all for me to just accept it.
So that's nice. There's a lot of closeness and trustbetween us. Sadly there's also an atlantic ocean and a solid stretch of land.
The distance is a glaring issue.
Another issue is that she's largely asexual, so while there's mutual affection aplenty and I'd never question that she means it when she says she loves me, she isn't really capable of the "falling" part of falling in love. That might sound weird. This whole thing might. It is kind of awkward.
Blah.
It's a complex situation and I needed to air it, particularly after a conversation we had about it the other day. I haven't really been able to get my thoughts straight - if anyone who noticed I've been back wondered why I went off the AG radar again for a few days, this is most of the reason.
