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General Relationship Thread

Posted Nov 7, '12 at 6:33pm

pickpocket

pickpocket

5,880 posts

Honestly Ace, if you want to be more social with people then you have to start by using AG less. I don't know how much you use it but if you use it less then you will probably be more social overall.

I say that doesn't matter. If anything, more might help. If you can act like this on the Internet, then you are perfectly capable of acting like this irl. You are just afraid. You just need to break your shell and talk.

And since you are the "loner", the first step is find a group. Merge with some guys. It doesn't have to be the popular group, but just a group. Preferably not the "geeky nerds". You getting good friends is the second step.

Then you will be more confidant and be able to talk with girls easier.
---
pickpocket - I'm going to be blunt about it....just do it. Do you have her number? If so...start texting her more...ask how her day was/is...what is going on with her...ask stuff about her. Also...if she ever seems angry or upset with something (like school, parents, etc)...let her know that you are a person she can confide in or vent to. Let her know you are a trustworthy person....and actually pay attention to what she says. If you don't have her number...then get it..then do what I just said

Trust me, if I had her number I wouldn't need your help right now. I'm in that awkward "middle stage" if you will. Like, we have talked a few times in the past but only a little bit of a real conversation. By that I mean we called one of my (and hers) friends a d*** and have only talked about school stuff for the most part. And that really hasn't been that much.
Anywho, she wasn't in today. Nothing I could do about that.
 

Posted Nov 7, '12 at 7:37pm

Ernie15

Ernie15

13,302 posts

Knight

Oh...and guess who joined AG!


Evidently, someone who doesn't know when not to use apostrophes.
 

Posted Nov 8, '12 at 3:57am

Zophia

Zophia

9,535 posts

Moderator

'Sup guys, just stopping by to spill some head contents since, well, there isn't really any of my friends whom I'd single out to talk about such with (it's just weird to bring up), and anyone who steps into this thread already knows what the general topic is. And thoughts need airing.

Right.

So there's this person. We met online - in an mmo, specifically - about a year ago. Had joined the same guild around the same time. (Note that the majority of my social life happens online and I like it that way. I do have local friends and acquaintances too, I just spend less time on them.)
Anyway.

Slowly a friendship grew and we extended our ability to stay in touch. More communicating, closer bond. The trust grew enough that I ended up being the first person she came out to. After a bit over half a year, with a confession that she "is not actually, at present, female".
Now, me being me, I was largely unfazed by this. Even now that we've had skype calls going a few times, that male voice she's striving to change doesn't actually shake my perception of her as a, well, her. It doesn't exactly make anything simpler, though.

After said coming out our communication frequency spiked, partially because there was now this huge thing in her life that she didn't have to hide. Not that it became all we talked about. There's been plenty of random chittering, plenty of fun and plenty of friendly debate on serious topics too. And with the frequent communication came more relying on each other. It's been working out well as a very solid friendship and it's a wonderful thing to have, really.

Then a few months ago (late August/early September) I kinda had to realise I'd developed a crush on her. There was some denial. Then some "but we'd be an awful match anyway" from me in a feeble attempt to shun the feelings before they took hold. She kind of countered that, though, so it really didn't take long at all for me to just accept it.

So that's nice. There's a lot of closeness and trustbetween us. Sadly there's also an atlantic ocean and a solid stretch of land.
The distance is a glaring issue.
Another issue is that she's largely asexual, so while there's mutual affection aplenty and I'd never question that she means it when she says she loves me, she isn't really capable of the "falling" part of falling in love. That might sound weird. This whole thing might. It is kind of awkward.

Blah.
It's a complex situation and I needed to air it, particularly after a conversation we had about it the other day. I haven't really been able to get my thoughts straight - if anyone who noticed I've been back wondered why I went off the AG radar again for a few days, this is most of the reason.

 

Posted Nov 8, '12 at 5:05am

Cenere

Cenere

14,002 posts

Knight

This will be awkward, but eh.

Correct me if I am wrong, but

Another issue is that she's largely asexual, so while there's mutual affection aplenty and I'd never question that she means it when she says she loves me, she isn't really capable of the "falling" part of falling in love.

asexuality does not make someone incapable of falling in love. It means they have no sexual desire of any kind, which does make relationships rather tricky, but they are fully capable of falling in love, being in love and having a romantic relationship with someone.
The falling in love and being in love part is covered by the -romantic label, as far as I am concerned. Like being bi-romantic meaning you could form a relationship and love with both genders, while being hetero-sexual just means you will only be sexually attracted to one part of those you fall in love with.

So, the asexuality should not be a problem any more than the regular, run of the mill of "does she love me, does she care for me for real?" insecurities.
 

Posted Nov 8, '12 at 12:28pm

Zophia

Zophia

9,535 posts

Moderator

Oh right, separate word for that. Pretend I remembered that earlier and used it.

 

Posted Nov 8, '12 at 12:45pm

Cenere

Cenere

14,002 posts

Knight

So she is both? That might be a big issue, I am not even sure how that would work out properly at all, since that kinda forms towards something that cannot become a relationship at all.
Wouldn't it, practically, just be a tight friendship?

 

Posted Nov 8, '12 at 1:15pm

Zophia

Zophia

9,535 posts

Moderator

May need to sidenote that those labels aren't a black and white matter. She's not all the way out in the robotic end of either them (and effects of a sex change might end up playing in later, but likely for the worse).

But yeah, practically it might well just qualify as a "tight friendship". Which is why it's kinda problematic to have all these feels which is why I needed to air thoughts. :V

 

Posted Nov 8, '12 at 5:42pm

pickpocket

pickpocket

5,880 posts

Yeah Zophia, there really isn't much we can help you with. Have you tried to make plans to see each other? Like, one of you goes to the other? Face to face communication could help a little....

 

Posted Nov 9, '12 at 1:46am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

9,700 posts

I am waiting for her to see this thread and be all, da**** dude! Why?


Oh don't worry...she is already well aware =p

I'm in that awkward "middle stage" if you will.


Well...now we get you out of it! You said you have talked about school stuff? Continue with that....try to start up more conversations and use that topic as a way to do so. (Also...pay attention to what she says...obviously). Continue being friendly and then ask for her number (either just straight up..or if you are nervous...start up a conversation that you know you guys wouldn't be able to finish in time, maybe because you both would have to get to class...then use the fact that you need to finish the conversation as a way to get her number)
 

Posted Nov 10, '12 at 9:58pm

idigit

idigit

261 posts

I just stopped my crush from committing suicide. Twice. and stopped her from cutting twice. she has cut before. no way for y'all to help but yeah. all of thiss anti-relationship s*** and i FINALLY open up myself to like someone and she tries to kill and hurt herself. and you guys were jealous of me.

 
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