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General Relationship Thread

Posted Mar 8, '13 at 9:33pm

nichodemus

nichodemus

11,842 posts

Knight

Ok, so if you were kind enough to read the whole story, If you have any advice whatsoever, I would gladly listen to it, I am desperate. I mean it, any advice.

Several mistakes made here. Firstly, never start a conversation with a crush, and a distant one at that, by confessing. Be casual. Be cool about it. Secondly, don't let her realise she has the power at the first meeting. Be the settler/person being chased, and not the reverse. This allows you to be the power holder in the relationship, as crude and ungentlemanly as it seems. Thirdly, put yourself in her shoes. You liked her because of her looks (seeing as you have never really talked to her). Years later, you approach her, and declare your love. It comes out as plain creepy, even though you aren't.

Asking girl to prom. She is a grade higher than me.

How well do you know her?

 

Posted Mar 8, '13 at 9:58pm

daleks

daleks

3,179 posts

How well do you know her?

Pretty well. We were in 2 classes together last year and 1 the year before. Plus I talk to her almost every day.

 

Posted Mar 8, '13 at 10:12pm

nichodemus

nichodemus

11,842 posts

Knight

Pretty well. We were in 2 classes together last year and 1 the year before. Plus I talk to her almost every day.

Has the relationship dwelled into the realm of romantic, and more than friends?

 

Posted Mar 8, '13 at 10:49pm

daleks

daleks

3,179 posts

Has the relationship dwelled into the realm of romantic, and more than friends?

We are not in a relationship. I just plan on asking her to prom. Whatever happens after that is up in the air.

 

Posted Mar 8, '13 at 11:20pm

nichodemus

nichodemus

11,842 posts

Knight

Just ask her to the dance man. Face to face, drop it casually. It's not a big fuss.

 

Posted Mar 9, '13 at 10:01am

daleks

daleks

3,179 posts

Just ask her to the dance man. Face to face, drop it casually. It's not a big fuss.

That is what I am going to do. But the earliest I can see her is over her spring break which is not for another week.

 

Posted Mar 9, '13 at 6:46pm

Strop

Strop

10,823 posts

Moderator

Be the settler/person being chased, and not the reverse. This allows you to be the power holder in the relationship, as crude and ungentlemanly as it seems

Nicho, how do you initiate a conversation with somebody and then portray yourself as the chasee? :P Those kind of guys usually hang around bars looking vaguely disinterested in everything and waiting for somebody to catch a whiff of their overpoweringly ****** musk or something hahahaha.

Also I could never do it like that because I would feel like a ******bag. However I think Nicho's general point within there is that you can't look desperate or that you're acting in a contrived fashion on an agenda, which I completely agree with. How you find your "natural cool" (or "natural dork" as it is in my case) is more to do with you discovering yourself as a person and that's probably the most instrumental thing to discovering people you really like.

As for how I convey "I don't really care what people think and do my own thing therefore I am cool and attractive", I have now been told by several people that my array of brightly coloured pink shirts and ties has a lot to do with it, but, you know, it takes a real man to pull that off :P

 

Posted Mar 9, '13 at 8:06pm

nichodemus

nichodemus

11,842 posts

Knight

Nicho, how do you initiate a conversation with somebody and then portray yourself as the chasee? :P Those kind of guys usually hang around bars looking vaguely disinterested in everything and waiting for somebody to catch a whiff of their overpoweringly ****** musk or something hahahaha.

You initiate, but don't act like you want her as more than a friend, but drop tantalizing hints :P You can't be the chasee straightaway, but you can after you know her a while. At the very least, don't appear ''In-Your-Face".

That is what I am going to do. But the earliest I can see her is over her spring break which is not for another week.

Will that pose a problem?

 

Posted Mar 9, '13 at 8:17pm

Terry_Logic

Terry_Logic

3,993 posts

For those of you who have a significant other, I have an odd but possibly stimulating question for all of you.

If one day, for whatever reason, your significant other had magically morphed into someone of the opposite gender, but was still the same person on the inside, would you still feel the same way about them?

Be honest now, don't lie to yourselves!

 

Posted Mar 9, '13 at 8:20pm

Strop

Strop

10,823 posts

Moderator

but don't act like you want her as more than a friend, but drop tantalizing hints

That only works if your prospective partner is actually interested. I suppose in the context of meeting random people with no other information you do have to play your cards close to your chest at first.

This is why I don't like playing these games. I prefer to cut straight to the chase of stripping people down to their core motivations. Because it's there that I think the strongest relationships and friendships (for me) lie, if I can identify with those motivations or at least understand a person by them, and really what I want the most is for people to understand what I'm about. Well, that works really well for me anyway.

 
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