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General Relationship Thread

Posted Apr 6, '13 at 11:58pm

nichodemus

nichodemus

13,239 posts

Knight

Sup, any interesting tidbits on some unfortunate soul's love life?

 

Posted Apr 7, '13 at 12:01am

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

No, I'm fine so long as I don't **** anything up before prom.

 

Posted Apr 7, '13 at 12:23am

jeol

jeol

3,987 posts

No, don't do that. No, no, no, no, no. That's the worst thing you could possibly do. No, no, no, no, no. Ask her! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But don't ask her at a bad time. No, no, no, no, no. Good luck! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

This is a conservative co-op we're classmates in :P That's not to mention I've only gotten to know her much over the past month, and any advances I try to make at this point will just seem rushed. I'll probably invite her to graduation (she's a graduating sophomore this year, though apparently she only has a few more credits to graduate for good), and we might talk there about what will be happening past that. I'm pretty reluctant at this point to approach her about something I don't even know her opinion on (talking about relationships in general). Then again, we'll have known each other on a personal level thrice as long as we do now, and I have no idea how much would change in that time.

And I haven't even talked to my husband about this...
 

Posted Apr 7, '13 at 12:34am

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

This is a conservative co-op we're classmates in


#YOLOSWAG

Haha, seriously though. What difference does it make? Do you mean you can't do anything until he co-op is over? If that's the case, it just gives you more time.

That's not to mention I've only gotten to know her much over the past month, and any advances I try to make at this point will just seem rushed.


I knew my GF for a month before I asked her out. Now we've been together for nearly 3 years.

I'll probably invite her to graduation (she's a graduating sophomore this year, though apparently she only has a few more credits to graduate for good), and we might talk there about what will be happening past that.


That's... unlikely, mi amigo. Unfortunately, horror stories of graduated kids haunt me everyday. The couple goes long distance and can't see each other anymore, the couple fights due to tensions from the adult life, the couple gets "serious" (used in the least conventional sense possible) before they're ready to and have kids too early... I would get together with her now, lest you lose her after graduation or try to attempt getting together alongside the major stresses of adult life.

(talking about relationships in general)


Cough

Then again, we'll have known each other on a personal level thrice as long as we do now, and I have no idea how much would change in that time.


Like I said, everything could change before graduation. Also, I'll admit that only a month is a bit short. My guess would be that this is only a temporary crush - the same types of things every guy gets in their high school years.

And I haven't even talked to my husband about this...


I would do this before anything, lest you get murdered by two people. :P
 

Posted Apr 7, '13 at 12:53am

jeol

jeol

3,987 posts

Haha, seriously though. What difference does it make? Do you mean you can't do anything until he co-op is over? If that's the case, it just gives you more time.

What I mean is, she actually acts somewhat like a conservative, on a multitude of levels. Unlike me :S

That's... unlikely, mi amigo. Unfortunately, horror stories of graduated kids haunt me everyday. The couple goes long distance and can't see each other anymore, the couple fights due to tensions from the adult life, the couple gets "serious" (used in the least conventional sense possible) before they're ready to and have kids too early... I would get together with her now, lest you lose her after graduation or try to attempt getting together alongside the major stresses of adult life.

What other option would there be? If I ask early, we'd only end up being long-distance anyways, unless I somehow convinced her to go to the same college as I, which is rather unlikely. Lawl at the 'kids too early' part... Even I have my traditional traits.
Like I said, everything could change before graduation. Also, I'll admit that only a month is a bit short. My guess would be that this is only a temporary crush - the same types of things every guy gets in their high school years.

Nope. Not quite. I've had my share of crushes, but a few things stand out in this situation: 1. The girl actually talks back. 2. The girl is actually asking back. 3. It's more of a qwerky admiration for her than a . . . how you say, lust? She's almost freakishly conservative, in a way that has blindsided me and intrigued me such that I never expected to quite like a girl who seems to remain so innocent. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, but it seems so rare, even within the co-op.

Anyways, nope, not a crush, and it's definitely not one-sided.
I would do this before anything, lest you get murdered by two people. :P

Right... Onet
 

Posted Apr 7, '13 at 1:03am

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

What I mean is, she actually acts somewhat like a conservative, on a multitude of levels. Unlike me :S


That isn't beneficial; however, 'cause she's talking to you and all, she might be a little, um, what's the right word... lenient? She might be a little more, uh, lenient towards having a relationship. Or I guess you could say she'd be more open to one. By the way, what's the nature of your conversations? Flirtatious, I'd assume, because you're one swanky guy haha. But seriously, the nature of them could very well convince her towards a relationship.

What other option would there be? If I ask early, we'd only end up being long-distance anyways, unless I somehow convinced her to go to the same college as I, which is rather unlikely.


Oh, right. You're a Senior. I forgot. I suppose a long-distance relationship would be your only method of having any relationship then.

1. The girl actually talks back.


Y

2. The girl is actually asking back.


E

It's more of a qwerky admiration for her than a . . . how you say, lust?


S

Anyways, nope, not a crush, and it's definitely not one-sided.


She sounds golden for you, man.

She's almost freakishly conservative, in a way that has blindsided me and intrigued me such that I never expected to quite like a girl who seems to remain so innocent. I don't mean that in a bad way at all, but it seems so rare, even within the co-op.


Wow... That's what brought me to my girl...
 

Posted Apr 7, '13 at 1:23am

Xzeno

Xzeno

2,354 posts

And I haven't even talked to my husband about this...
Good lord I thought that nonsense was a thing of the past.

Anyway, if you think you might like a girl but blah, you should talk to her about your feelings. Just talk to her about the same sort of stuff you're describing to us. Seriously, you do know what to say. You just said it. It really is that easy. Often.

Also, if you're attracted to a girl's innocence it probably means you're a bad person. Xzeno relationship advice!
 

Posted Apr 7, '13 at 9:55am

Strop

Strop

11,085 posts

Moderator

What I mean is, she actually acts somewhat like a conservative, on a multitude of levels. Unlike me :S


deeeeeeal breakerrrrrrr! xD

Okay on a more serious note:

1. The girl actually talks back. 2. The girl is actually asking back. 3. It's more of a qwerky admiration for her than a . . . how you say, lust?


Observer bias may cause you to skew interpretation of otherwise innocuous phenomena. This is how accusations of "she was totally leading me on man" happens. I say this based on personal experience from having those weird crushes I never understood (they were never my type) and the girl would always seem to make these friendly overtures but if you up and asked, you'd get a pretty quick clarification. So yeah totally don't sit on it too long.

Also, if you're attracted to a girl's innocence it probably means you're a bad person.


What if you're attracted to the contrast between a girl's presumed innocence and her true nature? }:-P My best (female) friend who is the mutual friend between my gf and myself keeps admonishing me not to hurt her because she is "very innocent" and apparently I can be like some totally bad boy who is all detached and cool and stuff. Uh huh. Right. I'm really like that >_>
 

Posted Apr 7, '13 at 4:29pm

jeol

jeol

3,987 posts

Also, if you're attracted to a girl's innocence it probably means you're a bad person. Xzeno relationship advice!

Heh, very comforting, Xzeno.
Good lord I thought that nonsense was a thing of the past.

Depends. We very rarely talk on a regular basis. I try not to question our marriage in case she disowns me.

And yes, that is just as illogical as it sounds.
Observer bias may cause you to skew interpretation of otherwise innocuous phenomena. This is how accusations of "she was totally leading me on man" happens. I say this based on personal experience from having those weird crushes I never understood (they were never my type) and the girl would always seem to make these friendly overtures but if you up and asked, you'd get a pretty quick clarification. So yeah totally don't sit on it too long.

See, that's part of what worries me. She's asked for help from me and was actually the one who asked to slow dance at first, but the latter was more of a joke and I can't decide if anything was heartfelt but rather, like the dance, sort of like a mock action as a joke. The fact that I return the intentionally awkward motions might not help much. :P But yeah, there's always the possibility that she is completely trying to come on as friends, which is very possible at this point and is partially what worries me. I don't know if she would consider us good enough friends to set aside intentional meetings outside of school, whether approaching from a relationship standpoint or not. I might try to nab her during a free period and talk about various topics to get more than a small-talk perspective.
 

Posted Apr 8, '13 at 7:29am

Strop

Strop

11,085 posts

Moderator

I might try to nab her during a free period and talk about various topics to get more than a small-talk perspective.


Good plan. At your stage it seems like that's a start, and then the bigger test would be whether somebody was willing to actually spend one on one time with you in a purely social setting. This doesn't differentiate between friends and more-than-friends, after all, I catch up with my friends over dinner frequently, but it certainly gauges levels of comfort. That crush I had back in 2008... I should have known two years before being told, that it wasn't going to be reciprocated when she got sudden cold feet for no apparent reason on a lunch that we'd enthusiastically organised a week in advance... two years later a mutual friend informed me that this girl had quietly confided in him that she thought this may be an indication that I liked her (which was true) and that she didn't feel she could return those feelings (which she should have been clearer about... maybe). No harm done, it's not like I was "boyfriend material" back then anyway.

p.s. when I said "observer bias" the specific term I should have used was "confirmation bias".

You know what though, my seniors kept telling me that when you get "old" enough to know what you are and where you stand, and more importantly where you might be going, even if that means you know that there's only limited certainty if any at all, then you know enough to know somebody who is just right for you when you see them. That's what happens when people just "click". I'd stop short of calling it "soul mates" or "love that is meant to be" but I sarcastically once summarised it as "magic" and shockingly, somebody agreed with me. And more shockingly I "clicked" with somebody and now I have all these suspicious intuitions that it's something that's actually going to grow and develop. Only time will tell whether that's true, of course.
 
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