You can use a pen
But a pencil is uselesse
So i use a pen
First of all, welcome to Haiku Land, Arceus12! Thank you for posting your haiku here. As a haiku enthusiast, I'm going to critique your haiku and you see what you think.
I would try rewriting the haiku like this:
[b]One can use a pen,
since a pencil is useless.
Therefore, I use pens.[/]
I changed your first line 'you' to 'one' because that way the perspective doesn't change. I added a comma at the end to sort of join it to the second sentence. I changed 'but' to 'since' because you're saying one can use pens and pencils are useless. One of the ways to join those two ideas together and make sense would be to use a word like 'since'. You use 'but' when you're trying to compare characteristics of a single thing. Exemplis gratis: He's a great guy but he can be annoying sometimes.
I added a period at the end of the second sentence because it seems to end there.
I also changed the last line so that it wouldn't sound so repetitive. I hope this helps!
