ForumsArt, Music, and WritingThe Hyper Hive Version 2.0

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Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

Ah, welcome to the Hyper Hive v 2.0. The prior version, which a very select few might remember, was something I made when I had just barely joined AG. Some of the poetry in there was actually pretty good *gasp*. I know, I know, I was shocked as well.
Anyway, since that one died, I am creating a new one. I call it Version 2.0. Original, huh? As you can see, I've improved the honeycomb design...done new things with the coloring...you get the point.
Anyway, I have several old poems I wrote in, say, First Line Poetry and what have you that I didn't post in the original HH that I'm posting now.

What Does The News Say?

Every news page says more of the same thing
"We're making progress, we're recovering."
Every news page will tell the same old tale
And in this respect, Uncle Sam has failed

"A murderer executed by firing squad."
But what they don't tell you, is it's all a facade
"Another oil spill, again caused by BP!"
But they never report on the harsh reality

The tabloids will tell you other peoples' mistakes
"Lohan arrested again, it's the breaks!"
But they never consider what's really important
Not celebrities or fashion or any assortment

Some might tell you about politics and such
"Tea Party v. Obama...wish them good luck!"
But only you can know what's important to you
And that's what you make it, your life as you choose

Melting Away

Teetering on the glacier's edge,
black fingers clinging to the ledge.
So freezing cold and so alone.
Fingers slipping on granite stone.

BANG! Like a gun, ice is cracking.
Ice is breaking, snow is packing
into every crevice and gap.
Weight's building up, it's soon to snap.

Frozen solid from head to toes.
Can you feel it? Nobody knows.
Cold as ice, emotionless, numb
from snow packed tight, till you're struck dumb.

On everything are water stains.
Soaking it all, 'till naught remains.
Your own hunger you cannot sate.
Memories blurred, you're a blank slate.

Water runs on memories, sounds.
Distorting them, then they're torn down.
Once ruined, they can't be repaired.
You cannot feel it, cannot care.

Forgotten things are beauties lost.
Like buildings ruined by the frost.
By water, your thought's corruption.
Lost it all in one eruption.

Forgotten memories, lost thoughts.
In oblivion now you're caught.
A snowman on a sunny day.
Drip, drip, drip, you're melting away.

Death's Serenade

I lay dying with no one beside me.
No one rides in my cavalcade.
Die now, I'll be alone eternally.
My last request, a serenade.

Not one visitor by car or by phone.
Of death itself I'm unafraid,
but I quake to think I will die alone.
I ask for one last serenade.

I think back to barren recollections.
I walk alone on esplanade,
empty of any and all affection.
Now, my sole wish? A serenade.

I still cling to life, I cannot yet leave.
My health a ghastly masquerade.
But I struggle, and continue to breathe,
that I might have my serenade.

I'm dying alone with no one else there.
Not because I'm a renegade,
but because when I could, I did not care.
Now I can have no serenade.

I know that this is a futile desire.
But still I will remain unswayed.
Through any pain of venom or of fire,
I will live for my serenade.

From life comes notice of my eviction,
but Death's call I have disobeyed.
I won't be shaken in my conviction
until I've had my serenade.

Tap! Tap! There come two knocks upon my door.
It's an old friend in black brocade.
Someone I once knew well, but know no more.
Sole guest for my last serenade.

"I believe I knew you once," says my guest,
"long ago, over a decade.
It would seem that now you can have no rest
until your final serenade."

"Indeed," said I, "what chance now to meet me!
Although by time I've been abrade,
I still have for you one last entreaty.
Please sing for me a serenade."

"Of course I shall," said my guest with a smile.
"Walk with me on the palisade.
I've so much to say, I could walk a mile!
Then you will have your serenade."

"Oh, thank you!" said I, "I owe you my life!"
"Not your life, but death, I'm afraid,"
Said my guest. I then called out in my strife,
"You're death, come for my serenade!"

"Tis true," said Death, "can you not recall me?"
"No!" said I, "my mind is downgrade
ever since I got this disease, you see?
I wanted just my serenade,

And then I would have left and in good haste!"
said Death, "I am here to persuade
you to leave this one life now, in good taste
but you can have no serenade."

"I guess I could leave," I said with a sigh.
"Although I am very delayed."
"Sorry," said Death, "it is your time to die,
you can have no last serenade."

"Please!" I begged Death, "I am willing to die!
As soon as my peace has been made."
Death watched me with pity in hollow eyes.
"Okay, you'll have your serenade.

Just as your family has long since passed,
it's your time to enter the shades."
Said I, "it seems it has gone by too fast.
But I'll leave with my serenade."

As, in the deathbed, I felt myself fade,
Death sang, what beautiful things it did say!
And now I've had my serenade,
My final guest, Death, can take me away.

The above poem is actually an old one that I have heavily revised and built upon.

The Crossroads of La Malhora

My life was so boring and dull.
I had nothing at all to do.
I wondered how to make it full.
Suddenly, one day I knew.

There was a very special train.
That takes you through the world and time.
Deserts and mountains, winds and rains.
This idea was so sublime.

So, with the attendant I spoke,
and quickly enough I did learn.
They would let in all sorts of folk,
the chance didn't have to be earned.

But there was a small catch, you see.
You could only ride the train once.
Just once, in all eternity.
I thought naught of it, like a dunce.

The attendant also explained
that the doors only opened at
crossroads on this one special train.
Then I boarded, and that was that.

There were several others I met
on the train, folks from everywhere
All of them had seen nothing yet.
And strangely, they seemed very scared.

I asked what was wrong, they wouldn't tell.
I felt fear begin to creep in.
I wondered, is everything well?
Dark nightmares haunted my sleeping.

Like the others, I stayed inside.
Wracked by nervousness and worry.
From something, I would try to hide.
Crossroads approached, slowly, surely.

We arrived at the first crossroads.
For a moment, I was unafraid.
The doors slid open that were closed.
I took one step, but then I swayed.

On the crosssroads stood a figure
horribly scarred, and clad in black.
Terror gripped me; stiff with rigor,
I could not move, could not go back.

"It's La Malhora!" came the cries.
"She will appear at a crossroads
when someone is about to die!"
In me, oh! What terror she sowed!

Slowly, La Malhora approached.
I found my strength, and ran back in
before she crushed me like a roach.
I slammed the door, and caused a din.

I felt my head rush, my heart pound.
I swore never to leave the train
unless to exit to safe ground.
Outside, was lovely falling rain.

All about, beauty surrounded.
At each crossroad, I hid, eyes shut.
For fear La Malhora's around
to claim my life with one last cut.

Other passengers looked and saw
the beauty and the history.
But I saw La Malhora's maw,
I saw her coming after me.

After seeming eternity,
the train fin'ly came to a stop
Now the ride was over for me
With joy, out of the train I hopped.

Then I realized I saw nothing
I could have seen beauty, felt joy.
But chose fear over everything.
My one chance, I let fear destroy.

Then I recalled, to my chagrin
I'd never have that chance again.
We've no choice, she comes after all
But it is our choice what we do
Before we must heed La Malhora's call.

From the plains to the midnight sun
I chose to look the other way
I've made my choice, now it is done.
On that special train, on that special trip
I stood before crossroads in more ways than one.

Tower, Tower

Bone and stone to build the tower.
Tower, tower high.
Sweat and tears to build the tower.
Tower, tower high.
Flesh and blood to build the tower.
Tower, tower high.
Sweat and tears provide the power.
Tower, tower high.
Flesh and blood provide manhours.
Tower, tower high.
But bone and stone build the tower.
Tower, tower high.
Mortar bricks cement bone and stone.
Tower, tower high.
And soon the tower high has grown.
Tower, tower high.
The high tower starts to topple.
Tower, tower high.
With wind and rain the bricks grapple.
Tower, tower high.
Bone and stone begins to crumble.
Tower, tower high.
The tower high begins to tumble,
Tumble from the sky.

The Tide Is Rising

Azure troughs and crests of the ocean swell.
For these are now the subject of my speech.
They creep, ever so slowly, towards the beach.
Not that the sea could ever be halted.
But I thought that it might be wise to tell.
Before these waves crash against the beach's shore.
And with the water, fear envelops all.
Drownt in panic as water, watch, enthralled
As sea swallows land, who is so faulted
As to let the waves just drag them away
Without helping, nor feeling some slight sway
As they flail in the water, but then stop
And their eyes glaze over, then their arms drop
Then sink in the water, always to stay
It is not my place to tell such a thing
But it's best that you know the tide is rising.

Dreaming

A child lies sleeping in bed
His eyes twitch-twitch under their lids
His fingers twitch-twitch round his head
Full of dreams and ambitions hid
So cleverly within

He dreams up a dream of college
Then just as quickly forgets it
He trades wealthiness for knowledge
Dreams of billions on which he sits
The possibilities!

Dreams of fame, actor or rock star
Dreams of doctor or architect
Dreams, oh dreams! Carry you so far
To drop you from the highest set
They cannot carry you

Imagining the paths to take
So many different choices
The roads to build, money to make
While listening to the voices

Ah! Suddenly, the boy awakes
He tries to stand but he cannot
Twitching turns to convulsing shakes
In this deadly trap he is caught
That hid so cleverly within
As he falls so hopelessly
All of the possibilities
Begin crashing down to the true
Falling, they cannot carry you

And everything becomes clear
This is no boy, this is a man
A man asleep and dreaming here
This is no man, but an old man
Old man asleep and dreaming here

Dreaming of childhood dreams
While listening to the voices
They said he could be anything
They said there were endless choices
But they've forgotten many things
Dreaming of childhood dreams
They forgot what dreaming will bring
When all that you do is to dream
Dreaming is only half the fight
The one you win by dreaming
The rest you win throughout your life
By being those dreams, not seeming

Old man, asleep and dreaming here
Wakes up, and his dreams disappear
As he wakes up, he falls asleep
A sleep so endless, dark, and deep
That he will never wake again
And he was dreaming, in the end.

Fire and Ice

A flame flickers, blindingly bright
For a short and fleeting second
Then it fades to glorious night.

In the sunlight, how snow beckons!
Crystals sparkle like precious gems
For a short and fleeting second

Before dissolving to their end.
Till fire burns away the melting snow
Crystals sparkle like precious gems

'Fore disappearing in heat's glow
If only it was forever!
Till fire burns away the melting snow

I know that it must be severed,
That it must someday meet its end
If only it was forever!

If eternity it could lend.
But beauty comes from the knowing
That it must someday meet its end.

Oh, the glory of the snowing
And burning passion of the flame
But beauty comes from the knowing

Of the end of nature's cruel game
Beauty's not found in crystal ice
And burning passion of the flame

It's true that all beauty must die
That is what makes it beautiful
Beauty's not found in crystal ice

But found in something horrible:
Knowing you won't see it again
That is what makes it beautiful

To be beautiful, it must end
Else how would we treasure it so?
Knowing you won't see it again

We know it will happen, we know
Before ice melts, flame burns away
Else how would we treasure it so?

The burning beauty of the day
A flame flickers, blindingly bright
Before ice melts, flame burns away
Then it fades to glorious night

I shall post new poems as they are written.
In case you hadn't noticed, my favorite meter is iambic tetrameter, and I usually go with a fairly basic ABAB or AABB rhyme scheme. Occasionally, you'll see me write iambic pentameter or iambic trimeter, but I'm generally a creature of habit.

  • 24 Replies
Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

Lost

Soul afire, bones to crumble
Eyes are gone, and blind men stumble
Flesh is rotten, blood is boiled
Boldest heroes now aspoiled

Outcast, humbled, always alone
Darkness surrounds, there is no home
Deaf never hear, blind never see
Cursed unto all eternity

Wrinkled hands are growing old
Geras the evil takes his toll
Worthless, helpless, a long-lost cause
Now harboring their fatal flaws

Yellowed teeth begin to rot
A person lost and never sought
Groping the stones, searching for light
But trapped within the endless night

The person is lost, 'tis too late
Given a cold and heartless fate
Rubbing raw old painful scars
Never going to make it far

Out of sight, and out of mind
Searching for what you cannot find
Whispers of demons go unheard
It may be best that way, to purge

Crying softly, falling tears
Chastised by your deepest fears
Clawing hands reach out for you
Murmuring things that are not true

You hear naught but silent taunting
You see naught but darkness haunting
Cast away, so carelessly
Trapped within and never free

Insanity is taking hold
Shivering in the lightless cold
Mind is broken, finally gone
Never to realize another dawn

But death is not our greatest fear
No pain nor age shall draw our tears
For we have paid the highest toll
We've lost our one immortal soul
We've lost ourselves and paid tenfold.

0.0
I think I frightened even myself with that emotastic poem. It's strange, because I don't normally write that darkly...hm.
It might be because I've been listening to a lot of Chopin lately. Classical(or Romantic, as the case may be) music always makes me write darker things, whereas metal always makes me write happier things. I've noticed that...it's rather strange, no?

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Well.
That is a large wall of text. Oo
I tend to get intimidated by large walls of text, no matter how poetic.
At a first glance, I really like your poems. The structures are nice and ordered and every poem flows well. I particularly like Death's Serenade and the last stanzas of the Crossroads poem as well as the Fire and Ice poem.
You obviously put much more time and effort into your poetry than I do. :b
Also, I adore Chopin, so woot.

Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,677 posts
Peasant

Yes, it is quite strange, though not totally inconceivable. Perhaps it is as a balancing mechanism? In order to maintain balance, it creates what has become overpowered.

Very good work, Hyper.

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

A Forgotten Name

I once had a childhood friend
I have since forgotten her name
Her hair was fire, like her dreams
To be an actress was her aim

She wanted fame above all else!
There was no price she would not pay
To walk the red carpet, to have
A place in time marked with her name

As she grew, her dream grew with her
As did her talent, and her skill
Like her ambition, and beauty
They grew to reach her only will

At first, she was optimistic
Certain that her dreams would come true
But as time wore on, she lost hope
No producer thought she would do

She wanted fame above all else!
There was nothing she would not say
To walk the red carpet, to have
A place in time marked with her name

As she grew old, her chance was lost
The red carpet was out of reach
Replaced by younger, better folk
There was no one she could beseech

Finally, she was left alone
No job, money, or family
There was nothing for her to do
But one thing that could set her free

She wanted fame above all else!
There was no chance that she might save
To walk the red carpet, to have
A place in time marked with her name

She bought a shiny revolver
As tears streaked down her blushing face
She put the gun up to her head
And fired once, for death's embrace

Now at the spot where she fell dead
There is a carpet stained blood red
The only place marked with her name
Is at the gravestone where she lays
With her died her dreams of fame
Now, even I can't recall her name
She's still as marble, pale as snow
Her name? No one will ever know.

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

That is a large wall of text. Oo

Agreed.

I tend to get intimidated by large walls of text, no matter how poetic.

It is as I feared!

At a first glance, I really like your poems. The structures are nice and ordered and every poem flows well. I particularly like Death's Serenade and the last stanzas of the Crossroads poem as well as the Fire and Ice poem.

Thank you very much.
Death's Serenade was a pain to write, I tell you. You'd be surprised how difficult it is to find things that rhyme with "serenade" after nineteen stanzas of the stuff!
I'm glad you like it. Speaking of Fire and Ice, I do have another terzanelle, but I shall have to dig it up. I'm not sure what I did with it, exactly.

You obviously put much more time and effort into your poetry than I do. :b

http://media.kotaku.com.au/wp//2010/11/phoenix-wright-objection.jpg
Thank you for that. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for the perfect opportunity to pull out that picture.

Very good work, Hyper.

Merci.
Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,677 posts
Peasant

Also very good, Hyper.
I do have one suggestion, stop listening to so much Classical music. Listen to some Disturbed for a bit.

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

I do have one suggestion, stop listening to so much Classical music. Listen to some Disturbed for a bit.

Alas! Chopin's Funeral March is irreversibly stuck in my head!
DUN,DUN,DUN DUN...dah dah dah duh duh duh duh duh dun!
Try and guess what book I'm reading right now. It shouldn't be too difficult.

Welcome to our society
The land that's without fault
Hello Comrade, we welcome thee
To freedom of hypocrisy

I'm sure you'll come when you are called
With no loud protests or debates
As we all do, since we're enthralled
Though why, no one yet dares recall

This is a place where all our hate
Misery, and pain hold
Themselves as common things, to sate
Ambitions of the higher-rates

You may feel that you're sad and cold
Why not be happy, too?
When no one is honest and bold
Our freedoms are already sold

Welcome dear Comrade, to your new
Life in Oceania, where what's true
Is false, when we think what to do
We have no thoughts of our own, too,
We're thought for, we don't know by who
And the most vital thing of all:
Big Brother always watches you
Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

The one thing that bugs me most about your poems is the use of continuing a phrase on the next line. It sort of makes me think that you're too lazy.

http://www.desicomments.com/funnypics/funnycat247.jpg
Repetition is a technique used in many great poems to create emphasis(Whitman's "O Captain My Captain", the first stanza of Eliot's "Ash Wednesday", etc.) Monsieur Jeol. Refrains are very common, and for terzanelles and villanelles in particular, are actually an integral part of the poetic form itself.
But I appreciate the constructive criticism, and my offended-ness is only in jest.

How about the Star Wars theme? Awesome stuff there :P

Yuck. I never liked Star Wars, to be honest. Too overrated.

I realized that that only really went for the last few poems.

Tis true.

Anyways, good job! You are a good writer.

Thank you.

I am a little overwhelmed with the amount of poetry, though.

That seems to be a recurring theme, or, as the case may be, a refrain.
Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

I do have one suggestion, stop listening to so much Classical music. Listen to some Disturbed for a bit.

I listened to some Escape the Fate(Issues and Gorgeous Nightmare) and Avenged Sevenfold(entire Nightmare album).
This happened.

*Untitled*

I cannot say a single word
And when I do, it is not heard
It's as though I cannot speak
I'm silent, worthless, mute and meek

I cannot feel a single thing
Not wood nor steel nor golden rings
It is as though I don't exist
I'm shapeless, formless, like a mist

I cannot taste a single drink
No pop nor water from the sink
It is as though I have no tongue
I taste nothing, from mouth to tum

I cannot see a single sight
Behind my eyes, it's endless night
It is as though I have no eyes
I'm blind, sightless, to trucks and flies

I cannot recall anything
But one mem'ry to which I cling
"I am so blind, I cannot see!"
That's why I hit the stupid tree
And why I was doing eighty
When I swerved to miss the dumb cat
And old grandma on the crosswalk...
They should have known better than that!
Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

Victory

At long last now we have won the old war!
And with our triumph in hand we stand before
You, guns in our hands, medals on our chests
All cheering and calling that we are the best

We march through the streets where citizens wait
Parading our triumph and our valor great
They applaud and cheer for heroes of war
Praising our courage for the oaths that we swore

We turn to our leader, icon of hope
To see him dangling from a gallows rope
Everyone screams, then they all curse the day
Bringing back emotions we thought went away

We recall the fear this triumph has cost
And all of the people whose lives are now lost
We turn to the graveyard, elation gone
Fearing all the things that we have brought upon

Ourselves, when we achieved this victory
Like retaliation from the enemy
Economy's shambles, all broken homes
To match all of the broken hearts, lives, and bones

We'd lost what we left for, when we came back
Forgotten the fear that brought on the attack
Buried the secrets but still them we save
With corpses half-hidden in poorly dug graves

They are not leaving, as long as we live
We carry them with us in gifts that we give
In choices we make, in people we meet
In alleyways weighted by our marching feet

We are victorious, war we have won!
Now we must bury all our daughters and sons
Our brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts,
Soon they're forgotten in our cheers and our chants

Do we recall why this war was begun?
The war which we fought and the war which we won
At such a high price, not just for ourselves
But too for the enemies whom we have felled

The cities all bombed into ashes and dust
Both countries saying, "We'll do what we must"
Our flag hangs over them, ragged and torn
Life or death chosen by the symbols they'd worn

We inherited war from our fathers
Who inherited it from our grandfathers
And so on and on, it will never stop
Guns won't cease to fire, nor bodies to drop

In war, life, or politics this will be true
Where there are winners, there are losers too
But when there is war, you must ask yourself
Who is still standing, if everyone fell?

We try to abolish, try to forget
We try to pretend we're not weighed by regret
But they follow us when we close our eyes
And this will continue, until we all die

No! We can pay the highest price no more.
We are still haunted by ghosts at our doors
It was worth killing, it was worth dying,
But we can't ignore that we are crying.
At long last now we have won the old war,
Though it is no longer worth living for...

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Shepherd

So. I must admit. I'm kinda sorta only glanced at that HUUUUUUUGE post of yours.
I guess I should read through them all, since I archived mine in the same fashion as you, BUT I do not believe that any sort of critique is possible on your work.

I don't dissect poetry and lable it with these meters of your sort, I might later on though. Maybe then I will look through all of that and have a cup of tea while discussing iambic trimeter with you. But for now, no.

Your images make me laugh.

On untitled though, I'm kind of iffy about this tidbit.

That's why I hit the stupid tree
And why I was doing eighty
When I swerved to miss the dumb cat
And old grandma on the crosswalk...
They should have known better than that!

It was all awesome then you went and made it humorous. Awwwwww.

But it is still great.

The last one....
*bows*
HolyflyingfrickinfrackinrigginfryingfrokingfukingCrap.
That was awesome. It was all rhyme and awesome and amazing and breathtaking. I adore it.

THIS IS A NOTIFACATION THAT I AM ADDING YOUR THREAD TO MY ABOUT OF AWESOME AMW THREADS.

*pokes with stick*

*bows again*
Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

The Ninja Spy Science Guy

"I'm the ninja spy science guy"
If you ask who I am, that's what I'll reply
I'm black ops with a black belt
I know jujitsu, and I'll kick you to hell

If you do happen to kidnap me
I'll free myself with HNO3
And if you don't give me the Nobel Prize
I'll pour HBr right into your eyes

I like to do kickflips shaped like integral curves
But because I'm a spy, there's no one that has heard
Of my epic skills, now that is just sad
And it makes the ninja spy science guy mad

I'm related to Einstein, Pascal, and Pythagoras all
I've been to England, Russia, the States, and Nepal
I've kidnapped the governor and blackmailed his wife
Then called Ian Fleming for the movie rights

"I'm the ninja spy science guy"
If you ask who I am, that's what I'll reply
I have a black belt, a badge, and a Ph.D
The ninja spy science guy, yeah, that is me


This is a poem that I wrote for the First Line Poetry and never bothered to post in the original thread.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,386 posts
Shepherd

I remember that.
I made the first line. P:

Belt and hell? Hmm. Not the best choice of words to rhyme.

Other than that I loved it.

devouredbyvermin1
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devouredbyvermin1
20 posts
Nomad

This is really weird and confusing

Dragonblaze052
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Dragonblaze052
26,677 posts
Peasant

Hyper, will you not be adding any more poems to this site?

Also, The Ninja Spy Science Guy.......
LMMFAO

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