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Halo story

Posted Sep 29, '11 at 5:40pm

frisko12

frisko12

213 posts

hey,this is a pretty short story of romeo,same time  of odst,before his part in the game.

Trouble by the name of...Hunter!
     Romeo opend his eyes,everything was blury. He looked up and was able to make out a sky,buildings...and 5 figures standing above him. They were saying something. Finally his eyes adjusted and he was able to hear. "Oh no!" one exclaimed. Great,they were grunts. "It's one of the demons!"
it said. "What should we do?" another one asked. "We should take him in." Romeo wan't about to listen any more. Out of the cornor of his eye he saw a magnum that a marine had droped. He reached for it. When the grunts saw it they ran,
but to no evail. Romeo shot each one in the back. "Aw man,"
he said,"those grunts must have taken me out of my pod!
sickos!"He got up. He noticed one groaning,he wasn't quite dead. He tried crawl eway but romeo simply shot him in the back. He walked back to his pod and yanked his sniper out.
hitching it on his back he continued to walk on. Suddenly he haerd a loud crash,nearby too. He spotted where it came from and sprinted. Soon he came to a cornor of a building. The noise was defining. There was rors and shouts,shots and crashes. He turned the cornor and saw two grunts. "Get 'em!" one said. Romeo shot both in the back. He ran up and crouched behind an old,whrecked car.
He peeked up over the edge and saw...a hunter? "Oh crap."
he said. He un hitched his sniper from his back,and settled
it on the old car. He tride to get a bead on the hunter,but it was moving around to much. And all the smoke didn't help http://i1183.photobucket.com/albums/x474/frisko12/hunter.jpg
either. The hunter continued to hew down marines. "One shot,One shot," Romeo reapeted. If he blew just this one shot,he was good as dead. He seemed to have a bead now. He stedied his aim,held his breath...and shot. The bullet wizzed untill it piersed just the right spot on the hunters head. Blood spaterd and the Hunter wavered,fell to his knees,then hit the ground...dead."Whew!" Romeo sighed.
"Now let's find the others."

You can keave advise for further writing but please,no grammer or spelling checks.

 

Posted Sep 30, '11 at 11:29am

Somewhat49

Somewhat49

1,608 posts

I'm sorry to go agianst what you said, but doing correct spelling and grammer helps alot when reading something.
I thought the story was interesting, but I don't like how you wrote this:

The hunter continued to hew down marines

You never said that there was marienes there before so writing continued is missleading since the hunter wasn't doing that before.

 

Posted Sep 30, '11 at 1:53pm

frisko12

frisko12

213 posts

ya,thx,guess I wasn't really paying ententiom thre.

 

Posted Sep 30, '11 at 7:56pm

loco5

loco5

1,289 posts

a lot of grammar issues, but otherwise good if I don't account some technical nerd stuff, like the fact that a ballistic sniper couldn't go through a hunters head due to armor, and if you shot the grunts in the back, you probably wouldn't kill them that instantly since that is their combat harness for methane

 

Posted Oct 1, '11 at 3:56pm

frisko12

frisko12

213 posts

oh,ok.

 

Posted Oct 1, '11 at 5:57pm

loco5

loco5

1,289 posts

in fact if you want i can help you with nerdy technical stuff

 
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