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Alexis' Assorted Writings

Posted Dec 7, '11 at 8:57pm

j_c_mooncity

j_c_mooncity

128 posts

Wow, disturbingly beautiful. To get rid of the weird little sign things copy and paste your stuff into Notepad, then into the thing. Make sure you change the text to something else before you do paste it here.

 

Posted Dec 9, '11 at 8:40pm

Alexistigerspice

Alexistigerspice

677 posts

Smile
A picture is worth a thousand words
And a smile is worth a billion.
But from the things I’ve heard
Stories told and lessons learned,
Words cannot describe the sight
Of a face that has filled with light;
Beauty that comes from within
Bright and fresh as spring-time winds
The love and laughter simply found,
Something so common yet it resounds.

     I am writing a novel.  I will begin posting parts of it soon.  Probably not today, but soon nonetheless.

 

Posted Dec 9, '11 at 8:42pm

j_c_mooncity

j_c_mooncity

128 posts

Lovely, such a simple subject, yet so beautifully written, and I can;t wait for the novel.

 

Posted Dec 9, '11 at 11:35pm

Alexistigerspice

Alexistigerspice

677 posts

Not Without Will
The battle between good and evil is only a fight to keep the balance.

Prologue     
     “Assimilate.  There is no identity for the weak.  I am your strength, your mind, and the thoughts you think belong to me.  Every step you take is in the direction I steer you towards, and every breath you breathe is evidence of my mercy.  You deserve nothing, yet I give it all to you.”
     The hastily assembled army stood in silence as “bad dude’s” amplified voice fades.  He looked out among the faces of his emaciated people, his cold grey eyes passing over me as though I was but an inconsequential speck on this world in which he ruled.  The young and the old swayed in unison around me, eyes wide and mouths gaping.   Controlling people was effortless for him.  They were more than willing to be led, weaklings with less power over themselves than a simple animal.  They could be taught tricks: to fetch, to sit, to kill, as it suits him.  With the sound of his voice and the press of his mind he has sent hundreds to war.  The only trouble he ever had came from the few pests among these people who would begin to think for themselves.  His gaze would linger upon these people, and he would make a note to himself.  They would be ‘handled’ before the end of the night.
     “I understand you are hungry, and I can see your fatigue in every movement you make; but this is no excuse,” he said, voice rising, “for you to disobey me!  You know who I am.  I am your leader!”
     Each word he laced with his will, and the assembled crowd had bowed in deference.  The strongest of these minds fought his power, but I could feel them succumb as he finished. 
     “You are one.  My children, you shall wish for my happiness.  You will not question my authority, and you will not disrespect me, lest death be your goal!”
     The cool evening air thrummed with the power his voice evoked, and I watched him from my supplicating position as the setting sun sent a bloody cast over the land. I saw his composure begin to crumble.   Already he was being afflicted by one of the piercing headaches that so frequently accompanied these speeches he made.   It isn’t easy to spread the power of one mind, albeit superior, over such a large expanse, and it made him weak.
     I am of his kind.  I am the only other mind bender like him, and as my gaunt campmates and I stood, I knew it was time to end his tyrannical rule.   Reaching out with my mind, I encircled his and constricted.  There was a great mental struggle, his mind and mine clashing, barbed wire against the untainted expanse of my consciousness.  His eyes were clouded as I watched him fall.  I could no longer feel his mental presence, and the camp was in pandemonium. 
     This is it.
     I walked with legs made of lead to where he was laying upon his makeshift stage, senseless.    No longer would he oppress us, no longer would he send us to risk our lives for his gratification.  These were my thoughts, when everything went black.

 

Posted Dec 9, '11 at 11:52pm

devsaupa

devsaupa

924 posts

It looks good. The symbols mess with some of it but doesn't take away from the story. It's a bit hard to see where the dialogue ends, but I can see where talking is going on. This may be the side of me that loves to complicate things, but "mind bender" seems too generic. Maybe replace it with something, for a lack of a better word, alien or foreign. But that's just me.

 

Posted Dec 9, '11 at 11:53pm

Alexistigerspice

Alexistigerspice

677 posts

Yeah, I also dont have a name for the antagonist yet.  I'm calling him "bad dude".  Idk its a work in progress.

 

Posted Dec 9, '11 at 11:56pm

VinceNeille

VinceNeille

123 posts

Not Without Will
The battle between good and evil is only a fight to keep the balance.

Prologue     
     "Assimilate.  There is no identity for the weak.  I am your strength, your mind, and the thoughts you think belong to me.  Every step you take is in the direction I steer you towards, and every breath you breathe is evidence of my mercy.  You deserve nothing, yet I give it all to you."

     The hastily assembled army stood in silence as "bad dude's" amplified voice fades.  He looked out among the faces of his emaciated people, his cold grey eyes passing over me as though I was but an inconsequential speck on this world in which he ruled.  The young and the old swayed in unison around me, eyes wide and mouths gaping. Controlling people was effortless for him.  They were more than willing to be led, weaklings with less power over themselves than a simple animal.  They could be taught tricks: to fetch, to sit, to kill, as it suits him.  With the sound of his voice and the press of his mind he has sent hundreds to war.  The only trouble he ever had came from the few pests among these people who would begin to think for themselves.  His gaze would linger upon these people, and he would make a note to himself.  They would be 'handled' before the end of the night.

     "I understand you are hungry, and I can see your fatigue in every movement you make; but this is no excuse," he said, voice rising, "for you to disobey me! You know who I am. I am your leader!"

     Each word he laced with his will, and the assembled crowd had bowed in deference.  The strongest of these minds fought his power, but I could feel them succumb as he finished.

     "You are one.  My children, you shall wish for my happiness.  You will not question my authority, and you will not disrespect me, lest death be your goal!"

     The cool evening air thrummed with the power his voice evoked, and I watched him from my supplicating position as the setting sun sent a bloody cast over the land. I saw his composure begin to crumble.   Already he was being afflicted by one of the piercing headaches that so frequently accompanied these speeches he made.   It isn't easy to spread the power of one mind, albeit superior, over such a large expanse, and it made him weak.

     I am of his kind.  I am the only other mind bender like him, and as my gaunt campmates and I stood, I knew it was time to end his tyrannical rule.   Reaching out with my mind, I encircled his and constricted.  There was a great mental struggle, his mind and mine clashing, barbed wire against the untainted expanse of my consciousness.  His eyes were clouded as I watched him fall.  I could no longer feel his mental presence, and the camp was in pandemonium.

     This is it.

     I walked with legs made of lead to where he was laying upon his makeshift stage, senseless.    No longer would he oppress us, no longer would he send us to risk our lives for his gratification.  These were my thoughts, when everything went black.

 

Posted Dec 9, '11 at 11:57pm

Alexistigerspice

Alexistigerspice

677 posts

Vince! You're amazing! Thank you for fixing it up for me.  I hate those nasty symbols... >.

 

Posted Dec 10, '11 at 12:14am

VinceNeille

VinceNeille

123 posts

Yeah, no problem. :) I wish you the best of luck with your stories, Alexis! :D Keep doing what your doing!

:D

 

Posted Dec 10, '11 at 12:16am

devsaupa

devsaupa

924 posts

You said it's a prologue, so is Chapter one going back in time to explain how that character got in that situation? Or are you doing the complete opposite and skipping ahead in the future? Or are you just going to pick the story up from where the prologue left off? Or do you have no clear idea yet? Or kittens? Choose wisely.

 
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