Forums → Forum Games → The Many Uses of OctoCan - The Best Canned Octopus In The World!
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OctoCan has an almost infinite number of uses. It's up to you to figure out what they are. Of course, no vulgar or obscene material.
Also, OctoCan has a clan now. For information on joining Clan OctoCan, contact [url=MagicTree]
I'll start:
1. Instant Seafood.
If you happen to be entertaining guests from the South Pacific who are having dinner with you only to discover that the local pizza joint was the epicenter of an inexplicable volcanic eruption, OctoCan is your answer. Mix the contents of one can of OctoCan with one box of Seafood Helper and cook for 15 minutes. When the timer rings, you'll have a large spread of calamari ready to serve.
2. Crowd Control.
When loaded into low velocity 40mm grenade cartridges or spring-operated canisters, OctoCan is excellent for non-lethal riot dispersal. When fired, the canisters will burst open and release multiple octopi at the angry mob. The octopi will then attach themselves to the targets faces, causing them to scream and flail about trying to get the squishiness off their faces. The sight of people running around with octopi clinging to their faces will also have a profound psychological effect on other rioters, causing them to disperse before the same fate befalls them.
With 24 hours' notice, Paladin Industries can have 50 truckloads of OctoCan riot ammo ready for transport to New York to clean up that little mess in Zuccotti Park. >
3. Practical Joke/Revenge.
If someone is bothering you and you want to get them back, or if you're just a practical joker, OctoCan is the resource you need. Three of the easiest and most popular methods of using it are as follows:
1. Sneak up behind your target and empty a can of OctoCan down the back of their shirt. It has approximately the same effect as a slushball similarly applied, except that it's lukewarm, it's squishy, it wriggles around, and it doesn't melt, so it's actually way better.
2. Empty a can of OctoCan onto your target's chair just before they sit down. Sitting into such squirmy squishiness has extremely disturbing psychological effects and may even leave your target mentally scarred for life. >
3. Just tilt a can of OctoCan back and forth in the presence of your target. That constant "schlorp...schlorp...schlorp...schlorp..." sound will drive ANYONE to insanity. >
Okay, your turn. Surprise me!
- 335 Replies
#171: Meat Grinder
Ever have meat you need to butcher? Well OctoCan can help you. Just insert the carcass in its hole and watch it spew blood and bone transform it into mush that may not be edible. Careful not to stick your hand or anything unusual into it because it will shred like pencil sharpener.
Disclaimer: You may not receive the input for this use, so put anything... irreplaceable.
172: Resurrection
Did a thread just die out?
Well no worries, and screw that necromancy crap, Octocan is all you need!
Simply apply the octopus to your post and voila, the thread has been resurrected!
173: Facehugger
Did your last facehugger just die? Do you need to **** the faces of humans everywhere? Then just get a can of OctoCan give as a present to your human of choice and let the rapeing begin! And to boot its reusable!
174:boot to the head!
Want to boot someone, but wearing shoes?
well don't bother stealing boots or buying new ones, even if you do, the victim will most likely keep the boot you throw at them to exact revenge.So what do you?
Octocan is what you do!
Simply throw the octopus at them, it will be twice as effective than a boot would be.
As a bonus, it can also have a variety of effects, from mind control to slimy headgear, loss of hair, and even facehugging.
175: Octosnuggy!
Have you ever wondered why the snuggy is open at the back. Or maybe why blankets are just too thin for your needs? Well the Octosnuggy is persect for you! Just open a can of Octocan, grab the snuggy, and make the arms "hug" you, and veoila! The Octosnuggy will perfectly contour to the shape of your spine! Much better than that memory foam crap. Does memory foam have suckers? Or an ink cannon?
176: Email Answerer
Do you have a cluttered inbox? Does reading your email every day get to be more and more frustrating because there's just so much of it? Well, that's not a problem with Octocan! Just dump Octocan on your keyboard and mouse and it will read your emails and put them into your brain with its suckers, and, with eight arms, it is so fast it can read your whole inbox in seconds! Say goodbye to spam, because it also omits spam messages from your mind!
177: Essay writer
Do you have a five page essay due tomorrow? Do you hate your english teacher? Well, the Octocan, can! Just dump it on several peices of paper, hook one sucker to your head, and just think of the prompt. It'll instantly write the perfect essay! If you don't get a 100%, Octocan garuntees it will kill your english teacher.
As Clan head, I am omitting Chess341's post from the official records on the grounds of inappropriate material and misuse of the OctoCan.
#178: Forum Cleaner
Did someone just make a maliciously inappropriate post on your forum? Is someone spamming or trolling your online community? Not anymore! Release the Octo onto your forum, and it will immediately begin to erase the offending posts. And if the problem continues, Octo will travel to the offender's house, short out his computer, and then firmly secure itself to the perp's head and use its mind-control to render the offender un-offensive.
179: Hill Claimer.
is some guy now a dictator of the my hill thread? do you want to defeat him easily? no fear with octocan! simply place octocan in front of your computer, and it will go into the internet, and make perfect counters to every attack post on my hill. you will win every time!
180: Gives You Wings
Haven't tried, or actually figured out that Red Bull doesn't actually give wings, well OctoCan will give you wings. Just attach packaged octopus to a helmet, a backpack, (not suggested) your shoes, anything that you can strap to your body- even another OctoCan. It will magically sprout wings and fly you (or just the object you attached it to) to anywhere it wants to fly to.
Disclaimer: We are not at fault for a consumer injured by crash landing, dislocation from high speeds, suffocation from altitude, etc that could have been prevented by proper gear, or not preventable at all. (As well as loss of product due to improper use)
181: Point maker
Is someone using OctoCan as a hill claimer, making posts that don't work but they believe it makes perfect sense? NOT ANYMORE! With OctoCan, you can get the point across that they cannot claim your hill (or whatever else) for whatever reason. YOU'LL NEVER LOSE YOUR HILL (or whatever else) AGAIN!
Warning: Does not work if they can do the things they say they can do. Do not come crying to us if their response is perfectly logical and you know it. Only use if you are right in saying they are unable to claim your hill or whatever else they are trying to claim. Essentially, what I'm saying is don't use unless you have a right to use it.
182:tv cleaner
see a stupid tv comercial? well then the octocan will eat it
183. House
Do you not have a dream house? Is it not mobile enough for your fast life? Does it not spew ink any time you want it to? Well OctoCan has the perfect solution! Just give it your blueprints, and it will instantly form into the perfect house. Are you moving to a new state? Well, no problem, just put the OctoCan back into the can, and remove it at your property, and Octocan's memory brick technology will return it to your house at any time you want it to.
184. Armor Points Machine
Hi. Billy Mays here. (not really) Are you criticized for having a low rank? Would you like to change that? Now you can with OctoCan! Just pour it on your computer and it hacks Armor Games and makes you a gold king. You'll never be called a n00b again!
Warning: We are not responsible if you are banned from Armor Games or arrested.
185: reality alteration
Is your life boring? do you want to be in a famous action movie? no fear for octocan is here. he can break every single law of physics imaginable and can literally insert you into a movie, or even a TV show, and make it seem as if you were part of it.
Warning: don't use for too long, or else you might lose the ability to distinguish reality from the TV world.
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