Forums → Forum Games → The Many Uses of OctoCan - The Best Canned Octopus In The World!
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OctoCan has an almost infinite number of uses. It's up to you to figure out what they are. Of course, no vulgar or obscene material.
Also, OctoCan has a clan now. For information on joining Clan OctoCan, contact [url=MagicTree]
I'll start:
1. Instant Seafood.
If you happen to be entertaining guests from the South Pacific who are having dinner with you only to discover that the local pizza joint was the epicenter of an inexplicable volcanic eruption, OctoCan is your answer. Mix the contents of one can of OctoCan with one box of Seafood Helper and cook for 15 minutes. When the timer rings, you'll have a large spread of calamari ready to serve.
2. Crowd Control.
When loaded into low velocity 40mm grenade cartridges or spring-operated canisters, OctoCan is excellent for non-lethal riot dispersal. When fired, the canisters will burst open and release multiple octopi at the angry mob. The octopi will then attach themselves to the targets faces, causing them to scream and flail about trying to get the squishiness off their faces. The sight of people running around with octopi clinging to their faces will also have a profound psychological effect on other rioters, causing them to disperse before the same fate befalls them.
With 24 hours' notice, Paladin Industries can have 50 truckloads of OctoCan riot ammo ready for transport to New York to clean up that little mess in Zuccotti Park. >
3. Practical Joke/Revenge.
If someone is bothering you and you want to get them back, or if you're just a practical joker, OctoCan is the resource you need. Three of the easiest and most popular methods of using it are as follows:
1. Sneak up behind your target and empty a can of OctoCan down the back of their shirt. It has approximately the same effect as a slushball similarly applied, except that it's lukewarm, it's squishy, it wriggles around, and it doesn't melt, so it's actually way better.
2. Empty a can of OctoCan onto your target's chair just before they sit down. Sitting into such squirmy squishiness has extremely disturbing psychological effects and may even leave your target mentally scarred for life. >
3. Just tilt a can of OctoCan back and forth in the presence of your target. That constant "schlorp...schlorp...schlorp...schlorp..." sound will drive ANYONE to insanity. >
Okay, your turn. Surprise me!
- 335 Replies
#219: octo-trainer
are you tired of your diets? do you want to look like a bodybuilder? then buy a can of the new trainer-OctoCan! open the can and put the octos on your body and the octos will move for you! lose fat in a week! look like a bodybuilder in three days!
warning: using this product can tire you out.
220. pie. step 1. open can.
step 2. dump in pie crust.
step 3. bake.
step 4. serve. DELICIOUS PIE! YUMMMMMM!
#221: little girl screamer
have you ever wanted to make the sound "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" like a little girl, but your voice is too low? not anymore with OCTOCAN! This amazing will force the octo into your throat, and alter your voice so you can make any sound you want. hooray.
warning: we are not responsible if the sound you make happens to bring about your demise.
-Blade
#222. Ink Cannon
Trying to defeat the enemy but ran out of ammo? Lost all your weapons during a battle? Then open up a can of Octocan! Just by holding the octopus towards your enemy and squeezing it's head, it'll blast some ink towards them. You can also adjust the volume of the ink by pulling on a tentacle.
Caution: Ink is not dangerous and will not kill your enemy. Octocan is not responsible for any injuries caused by the enemy after use of it.
223 muteapus
ever wanted your family to mute the computer but they wont not a problem with the new muteapus just hit the computer speakers with uteapus and vola it is muted
warning octocan is not responible for damege to you your family speakers or anything else dameged
224. OctoPhone
Have an annoyingly large family. Can't wish them a Merry Christmas fast enough? Well OctoCan provides the world's best 8 ear cellular device Octopus phone in the world!
Warning: Do not wrap OctoCords around neck. OctoCan does not like that.
225. Crash Helmet
Can't afford an actual helmet to protect your head? Want a cheap and effective helmet? Octocan to the rescue! Just place one on your head and start cycling, skateboarding, skating, etc. The next time you have an accident and hit your head, the octopus will absorb the damage to nothing.
Warning: Not as effective as an actual helmet
Warning 2: Don't confuse this with the Mind Control Octocan or face the consequence of being a mindless person who would follow any order given to them.
#222. Ink Cannon
Trying to defeat the enemy but ran out of ammo? Lost all your weapons during a battle? Then open up a can of Octocan! Just by holding the octopus towards your enemy and squeezing it's head, it'll blast some ink towards them. You can also adjust the volume of the ink by pulling on a tentacle.
Caution: Ink is not dangerous and will not kill your enemy. Octocan is not responsible for any injuries caused by the enemy after use of it.
Aw, come on, DarkFire! OctoCan can do anything! Let's try this:
#222.1. Ink Cannon
Trying to defeat the enemy but ran out of ammo? Lost all your weapons during a battle? Then open up a can of Octocan! Just by holding the octopus towards your enemy and squeezing it's head, it'll blast some ink towards them. You can adjust the volume of the ink by pulling on a tentacle. The ink will eject at injury-inducing bullet-like velocities, and on top of that it is extremely caustic. Your enemies will be reduced to pools of steaming goo in no time!
Caution: Ink is extremely dangerous and will likely melt or otherwise mutilate your enemy. Octocan is not responsible for any injuries caused to the user during use of it (That's why it has a "Front Toward Enemy" label. If you don't read it, that's your problem.).
[Resume numbering @ #226]
226. Slingshot
Ran out of ammo in the middle of the Hunger Games. Katniss! Come on! Well don't worry! Haymitch sends a can of OctoCan! Simply open and sling your flexible friend to any of your tributes! OctoCan guarantees a one hit kill, so you only need one! May the odds be ever in your favor!
#227 DJ OctoCan (in da house!)
Wanna add some life to the party? Set Octo loose on the sound board, and he'll swirl not two, but Eight platters at once!
Warning: Not responsible for any mental injuries caused by the resulting unrecognizable sounds emanating from your speakers.
#228 invisible ink
open a can of OctoCan and use the invisible ink to write secret messages or to become invisible!
warning: may cause headache, losing your coordination abilitys and stains. causes injuries when it is missused.
#229 High Tech Body Armor
Open a can of OctoCan and wear it and tie the legs together on your back to keep it on your chest! it also reflects some damage to attacker!
Pros: Now available in 2 colors! Blue for boys and pink for girls!
Cons: Hard to take it out! really hard!
#230 Boxing Partner
Getting tired of beating those wimpy boxers in the ring? Want a better challenger which can actually give you a bit of a challenge? Open up an OctoCan and place some boxing gloves on it's tentacles. Now your ready for a great challenge with eight fists coming towards you to defeat you.
Note: OctoCan is in no way responsible for any injuries caused by the octopus.
#231. Portals.
Is GLADoS giving you a hard time? Do you need help in a test chamber? Well here's OctoCan! Open it up and give him some Portal guns, and you got 8 portals you can go through! Now you can fight off everything with your new OctoBuddy!
Warning: OctoCan is violent against AI Robots such as Atlas, P-Body, and Wheatley. Do not get 100 feet or closer if you are AI capable.
Sorry I have Been Gone so long! I'll explain another time. But for now;
232. Salt And Pepper Shakers
Are you bored of run-of-the-mill, boring Salt and Pepper shakers?
Do you want innovating new interior decoration. Then OctoCan is for you!
Fill it with salt, pepper, ketchup or even hot sauce and OctoCan will dispense with the squish of it's head.
233. Hand Gel Dispenser
Do you need some Anti-Bacterial Gel? Are your hands infested with germs? Well, Dr. OctoCan now has the ability to dispense Premium Ink-Gel, the latest technology in the Hygiene Department! So buy now!
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