ForumsForum GamesThe Many Uses of OctoCan - The Best Canned Octopus In The World!

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CommanderPaladin
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CommanderPaladin
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OctoCan has an almost infinite number of uses. It's up to you to figure out what they are. Of course, no vulgar or obscene material.

Also, OctoCan has a clan now. For information on joining Clan OctoCan, contact [url=MagicTree]

I'll start:
1. Instant Seafood.
If you happen to be entertaining guests from the South Pacific who are having dinner with you only to discover that the local pizza joint was the epicenter of an inexplicable volcanic eruption, OctoCan is your answer. Mix the contents of one can of OctoCan with one box of Seafood Helper and cook for 15 minutes. When the timer rings, you'll have a large spread of calamari ready to serve.

2. Crowd Control.
When loaded into low velocity 40mm grenade cartridges or spring-operated canisters, OctoCan is excellent for non-lethal riot dispersal. When fired, the canisters will burst open and release multiple octopi at the angry mob. The octopi will then attach themselves to the targets faces, causing them to scream and flail about trying to get the squishiness off their faces. The sight of people running around with octopi clinging to their faces will also have a profound psychological effect on other rioters, causing them to disperse before the same fate befalls them.
With 24 hours' notice, Paladin Industries can have 50 truckloads of OctoCan riot ammo ready for transport to New York to clean up that little mess in Zuccotti Park. >

3. Practical Joke/Revenge.
If someone is bothering you and you want to get them back, or if you're just a practical joker, OctoCan is the resource you need. Three of the easiest and most popular methods of using it are as follows:
1. Sneak up behind your target and empty a can of OctoCan down the back of their shirt. It has approximately the same effect as a slushball similarly applied, except that it's lukewarm, it's squishy, it wriggles around, and it doesn't melt, so it's actually way better.
2. Empty a can of OctoCan onto your target's chair just before they sit down. Sitting into such squirmy squishiness has extremely disturbing psychological effects and may even leave your target mentally scarred for life. >
3. Just tilt a can of OctoCan back and forth in the presence of your target. That constant "schlorp...schlorp...schlorp...schlorp..." sound will drive ANYONE to insanity. >


Okay, your turn. Surprise me!

  • 348 Replies
CommanderPaladin
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CommanderPaladin
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33. Bungee Jumper
Like to bungee jump but worried about the safety or lack thereof concerning your gear? Use OctoCan! Attach one set of suckers to yourself and the other set to whatever you're jumping off of, and take your ill-advised leap of faith!
Warning: OctoCan's springiness, upon rebound, may shoot you into the stratosphere.

pokemonfire
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pokemonfire
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34. INSTANT GANG
sick of being picked on
bullies punching you to much
well grab at least 20 cans of OctoCan and open them up
then boom there you go

CommanderPaladin
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CommanderPaladin
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35. Protection (sorta)
[An expansion, in a way, of the above use]
Are you a shrimpy little thing who can't avoid getting beat up all the time? Well then, you need OctoCan! The next time someone opens up a can of kick-butt on you, open your can of OctoCan. The octo will engulf the impending butt-kick, rendering it harmless and likely embarrassing the person responsible for it.
Disclaimer: DOES NOT WORK ON CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKS. EVER.

MagicTree
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36.Stress reliever
Are you stressed? Tons of homework? Bullies? Big Brothers? No need to worry, OctoCan is the best stress toy there is! It is squishy, squeezable, squashy and mushy! You be mad not to buy it!
Warning: Waych out for the ink!

37. Prank stress reliever
Grab a can of EctoCan and say something along the lines of "Here. I know you're stressed." and watch as the hilarious scene unfolds. The ghost Octo pops out and... I wont spoil it.

crazyape
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crazyape
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38. Auto repair.

Fill flat tires with liquid inside to keep them from going flat! Also good for keeping your shocks in good repair.

aamer13
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aamer13
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39: trampoline

just pour out and jump.(becarful cause they dont come off)

crazyape
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40. Torpedo
Place a cna in a magnatorp launcher, find the nearest dominion warship, ad fire away!

CommanderPaladin
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CommanderPaladin
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41. Automotive Safety
Worried about maniac drivers and cars that collapse upon impact? OctoCan to the rescue! (insert cheesy "ta-da" type sound here) Just cover your car in the Octopi, and they'll absorb any level of impact force up to a small comet. Or, for something a little more rigid, leave the Octopi in the cans and cover your car that way. Guaranteed to stop vehicle accidents and armor-piercing anti-tank sabot rounds.

BoredMartian
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BoredMartian
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42. Makes Great Toy
OctoCan is fun to play with, and underwater, OctoCan turns into a live octopus! If it unleashes a odd sound, get out. It's it's mating call.

dair5
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dair5
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Fashion

Ever worry about going to school and nkt having anything good to wear? Well with octocan you can go to school and feel confident that you're the best looking person there. Wear it as a hat! Shoes! Gloves! Even as pants! The possibilities are endless!

Warning: octocan can do nothing for people who are already ugly. Do not apply octocan to hair if you have hair, and do use as pants if you are male.

aamer13
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aamer13
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44. cool candiate name.

want to go up for presidant make octocan your name it sounds cool

this message had brought to you by: ohhhh yeaaaaaa

CommanderPaladin
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CommanderPaladin
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45. Game Assist
Ever play a computer game where you have to push a bunch of buttons really fast and you can't keep up? Release your OctoCan onto the keyboard, and watch your score multiply!

xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
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46. house builder

dont you have enougth money to buy a house? cant you even rent one? OctoCan is the answer! just buy a can of the new Constructor-OctoCan and he builds everything you want!

aamer13
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aamer13
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47: wig

Are you bald , well Octocan can't help.

this message has been brought to you by: ohhhh yeaaaaaa

CommanderPaladin
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CommanderPaladin
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^ Aamer, OctoCan can do anything! And since this thread is about what all it can do, your post is kind of like spam to the subject.

Here's a rework to get things back on track:

47.1: Wig
Are you bald? OctoCan can help! Just use the octopus as a wig, or if you want you can use the octo's suckers to pull some new hair right out of your scalp and into a nice new head of hair!

48: Stain Remover
Got an ugly stain on the carpet that brand-name cleaners and powerful acids just aren't getting? Use OctoCan! Release that little critter onto the affected area, then just sit back and watch the stain disappear before your very eyes! Also works on lime scale and hard water deposits, so make sure you get plenty of OctoCans to use as stain removers!

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