Forums

ForumsArt, Music, and Writing

do you like my ode

Posted May 24, '08 at 12:53am

BASHA

BASHA

695 posts

ode to pie
pie delicous pie
there's apple there's pumpkin there,s more
when you take a bite the flavours ignite
and leave you longing for more

pie wonderful pie
if I could I would eat them all
when I eat a slice I try to be nice
so that maybe I can get more

what do you think

 

Posted May 24, '08 at 1:11am

squidlidink

squidlidink

506 posts

I think that the rhymes could have been better, and you could have used better vocabulary. Also, the ode is a form of poetry where you would say things like you were sending a letter to a piece of pie.

For example: Dear Pie.
You are so scrumpious and flavorful Etc....


You get the picture. You made the ode about youself in the ending line, so the whole poem therefore felt incomplete.


Overall I would give it a 6/10

keep trying!
-Squidlidink

 

Posted May 24, '08 at 2:51am

StrategyGamble

StrategyGamble

135 posts

fine ode but it will better when u make this longer :-)but u ve used fine rhymes...

 

Posted May 27, '08 at 12:02pm

jason100111

jason100111

211 posts

really good - put a smile on my face. clever way of rhyming slice nice etc

 

Posted May 28, '08 at 1:10am

BASHA

BASHA

695 posts

thanks for the feed back and my Language arts teacher seemed to like it 100%

 

Posted May 28, '08 at 1:25am

LordBob

LordBob

563 posts

@squidlidlink

I hope you are NEVER my english teacher, I would fail before I wrote my name one my essay!

 

Posted May 28, '08 at 2:22am

eagleye761

eagleye761

26 posts

same

 

Posted May 28, '08 at 6:52am

ShaGRocK

ShaGRocK

59 posts

i like it good work

 

Posted May 31, '08 at 12:15pm

BASHA

BASHA

695 posts

thank you very much

 

Posted May 31, '08 at 12:17pm

Aids247

Aids247

66 posts

its pretty good

 
Reply to do you like my ode

You must be logged in to post a reply!