ForumsArt, Music, and Writingthoughts of a freak

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xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

from now on i will post poems from time to time. here is my first one:

love can safe you

you want to die, but love is a reason to live...

you feel trapped, but love makes you free...

you feel stuck, but love can be inspiring...

you feel like just hanging around, but love will move you...

you feel like falling endless, but love will always catch you.

  • 40 Replies
xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

love can safe you

no matter how dark it is, love makes everything brighter...

no matter how cold it is, love will give you warmth...

you want to die, but love is a reason to live...

you feel trapped, but love makes you free...

you feel stuck, but love can be inspiring...

you feel like just hanging around, but love will move you...

you feel like falling endless, but love will always catch you.

since there is no edit button, i edited it by this way.

xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

nightmares and dreams

a nightmare, is a dream,
where you can die.
falling in to the dark,
never seeing again the sky...

till you wake up.

dreams can be so real,
sometimes i can everything feel.
i can do, what i want.
swimming in glue,
driving a shoe,
or being someone
else, till the
time come
to wake up.

TRUdog
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TRUdog
1,034 posts
Peasant

A lot of grammatical errors. One of the biggest things I saw was "love can safe you." This doesn't really make much sense. Are you trying to say love can save you?
Also, punctuation and capitalization are always good things. Just sayin'.

xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

yeah, i should use a grammar check program. i would be glad if ag had one.

SoccerGirl27
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SoccerGirl27
138 posts
Peasant

Your poems aren't bad but could have a bit more thought in them. Keep it up you'll get better as you go

xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

sometimes i get "hit" by inspiration and then i write what comes into my mind. the result is sometimes bad and sometimes good. i post a new poem tomorrow or so. i wrote more poems in german than in english...its hard for me to write poems in english but i try it. if you want, you can send me a pn and i can post my german poems on your profile.

SoccerGirl27
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SoccerGirl27
138 posts
Peasant

Oh okay I getcha now. Well you're doing pretty well considering English isn't ur first language. (:

xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

@SoccerGirl27 yes, my first language is german. but i make sometimes errors while i am in ecstasy of the inspiration while i write something. my hand is then writting like it has its own mind and i must then read it again to see what i have written.

the next poem is a haiku (i hope it is one):

humans are beings, who dont
know when to stop. sometimes they are
mean, nice, sinners, belivers, god.

SoccerGirl27
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SoccerGirl27
138 posts
Peasant

okay thats cool (: first off thats not a haiku but it still has a good concept behind it

younieboy
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younieboy
309 posts
Blacksmith

why do you post somthing like this?
i don't understand why?

xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

why isnt it a haiku? its 5-7-5. well, at least it is a poem.

SoccerGirl27
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SoccerGirl27
138 posts
Peasant

its supposed to be the number of syllables not the number of words

xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

so its about every syllable of the words? well, some day i write maybe a haiku, but till that day i continue with poems. maybe i post a short story, too.

xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

here is a picture that i maid with paint. i am not a profi with paint, so please bear with me:

[URL=http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/267/achievement1.png/][IMG]http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/6676/achievement1.th.png[/IMG][/URL]

xAyjAy
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xAyjAy
4,854 posts
Jester

sorry for the double post, i made an error.

http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/6676/achievement1.png

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