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thoughts of a freak

Posted Dec 29, '11 at 8:12am

xAyjAy

xAyjAy

4,900 posts

if you have any ideas for me or want to help with my english, you are welcome. but if you say things like my english is bad (it makes me sad to hear such things while i try my best) then dont post.

living in the dark (its a story, please bear with my english...)

lyz, a twenty-seven old lieutenant, stand before the office of the Commander. she knocked and heard a "come in". she opened the door, got in and closed it behind her. "sir, the creature is captured." "2so, we caught finally one of them?" "yes sir, but it was hard. i lost five my men by the try to find it and again five while we catched it." ten police men died?! its stronger than we thought. anyway, where is it now?" "in the interrogation room. we needed two straightjackets and some chains to sedate it. we positioned two guards with tasers and tranquilizer guns at the door in case it breaks out." "tazers and tranquilizer guns?" "yes, tasers and tranquilizer guns. it healed any wounds caused by bullets or blades very fast. we tried to shock it, but that lasts not long. then we used tranquilizers, and combined with the electro shocks we were able to catch it." "did the doc visit it allready to make his tests?" "yes, and he says it can talk."

 

Posted Dec 29, '11 at 8:14am

xAyjAy

xAyjAy

4,900 posts

sorry for the double post, but i hit the submit button accidentally, i was still editing and writting...sigh.

 

Posted Dec 29, '11 at 8:07pm

xAyjAy

xAyjAy

4,900 posts

"commander jack and lieutenant lyz, we want to ask the creature some questions." said jack as they stood in front of the two guards. after some paper war they got all into the interrogation room. on the ground layed a night-dark skinned, human like creature. its right tentacle looked like a reversed pin cushion because it had many syringes in it, but they fell to the ground and the wounds healed. instead of yelling at the guards jack walked to the creature, taking a closer look of it. its left arm was held down with two slightly ripped straightjackets and chains. its left arm ended in sharp and deadly claws, painted red from its victims. before the guards could react jack kicked the creature gently in its stomach. it woked up, looking with its three eyes, a look like a sheep in a slaughterhouse but with the will to fight even it dies in them, into the eyes of jack. "so, i heard you can understand me. i hope i got no false informations." "where am i?" asked the creature with a dark, nightmare-like voice. "you are in the police department of new new york. we want some answers. what are you? why have you killed my policemen?" "the only thing i can remember is that there was one day a hole in the sky. shadows came out the hole, attacking humans. the next thing i can remember is...that i...deffend my- *cough, cough* myself..." that were its last words before it blacked out.

 

Posted Dec 31, '11 at 3:25am

godsmvp

godsmvp

31 posts

It's true grammar is very important and just reading the first couple lines I stopped to check comments to make sure everyone was making the same one... It's hard to read things that make you feel retarded haha. Just fix up some of the grammar and punctuation. I liked the nightmare part :] keep writing.

 

Posted Dec 31, '11 at 8:34am

xAyjAy

xAyjAy

4,900 posts

It's true grammar is very important and just reading the first couple lines I stopped to check comments to make sure everyone was making the same one... It's hard to read things that make you feel retarded haha. Just fix up some of the grammar and punctuation. I liked the nightmare part :] keep writing.

i should use a correction program. what did you mean with nightmare? there is no one. it is happening in a near future.

 

Posted Jan 1, '12 at 3:22pm

xAyjAy

xAyjAy

4,900 posts

"can we trust it?" "we can make a polygraph examination to see if it lied." "then do that. what is with your daily report, anything new?" "the walls are provisorily repaired and the guards survived the last attack." "ok, you can go now." after she closed the, jack was alone in his officwe again. the town was in a bad situation. after the shadows came out of a portal they started to attack everyone. but that happened one-hundred years ago, how did this creature know of this event as if it saw it with its own eyes? even if it would be over one-hundred years old, how did it survive? something like it could not hide unnoticed. except...it lived by these shadows..."thats it!" said jack, as he ran to the basement, where they put the creature in a cage. the cage was fixated with chains to the ground just as well as the creature. jack stopped in front of lyz, who stopped to talk as soon as she had seen jack. she looked at him with a questioning look but continued to ask the creature questions.

 

Posted Jan 3, '12 at 7:58pm

xAyjAy

xAyjAy

4,900 posts

>it could remember only few things. that it was a human and that something happened to it so it transformed. it happened after the shadows came out of they dimension. but nothing what could help. we need to study it, to understand it...no, thats not right, it was once a human, even if it...he became one of the shadows. no, it...he...is a hybrid. maybe we can befriend it...him. why cant i stop of thinking that he is a creature?< thought jack. "what should we do with him?" asked jack to himself but liz heard it. "if you mean the shadowling, then we could let him free. maybe we learn from eachother." jack was amazed and upset at the same time. "shadowling?" he asked, looking at liz like she had a second head. "we gave the creature this name. i would not like it if someone call me creature, even if i cant remember my name." "why do you want to free him? he could kill us all." "maybe, but he could be...friendly. i mean, he wanted just to survive. you would do the same if you were surounded by these shadows." "yes, thats right. but i disagree with the idea to let him free." "dont wory, i wont bite" said a dark voice behind jack. jack turned around, surprised to see the shadowling standing in front of him. jack was a little bit shoked by the look of the shadowling. his right tentacle arm with spikes and thorns, his third, on the body free moving eye and his left arm that ended in sharp blood-red claws were frightening enough, but there was a tail with an eye-like mouth. the legs ended in...claw hands. the whole body was black like the night except the blood red claws. and on the stomach was a fourth eye. >a look that only a mother could love<, thought jack.

 

Posted Jan 15, '12 at 8:33am

xAyjAy

xAyjAy

4,900 posts

>outside of the city new new york: the shadow-creatures are killing anything that is not like them. nothing can stop them, their wounds heal if they get shot or cut. and they are still fearing the humans, even if they are weaker. the leader is a thirty feet tall, has four eyes and a hand that looks like a claw. his wings are strong enough to carry three of him and he is strong enough to destroy a house with one punch. he commands all shadows, even the bounded hear his command. and if the bounded shadows take controll over their bodys they create new shadow-creatures. then they will know how it will feel to be controlled, to move everytime someone moves. the mirror picture becomes the original while the original becomes the mirror image...< >what a strange dream< thought shadowling. he could still not remember anything, neither his real name nor who he was before he turned into this creature.

 

Posted Jan 19, '12 at 11:44pm

awesomeplayer312

awesomeplayer312

197 posts

It's true grammar is very important and just reading the first couple lines I stopped to check comments to make sure everyone was making the same one... It's hard to read things that make you feel retarded haha. Just fix up some of the grammar and punctuation. I liked the nightmare part :] keep writing.

 

Posted Jan 20, '12 at 7:47am

xAyjAy

xAyjAy

4,900 posts

thanks for the good review, i continue it the next days or so. i want not to make it too long in one post.

I stopped to check comments to make sure everyone was making the same one...

what do you mean, making the same one?

 
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