ForumsArt, Music, and WritingMoon's Metrophobia

258 39260
MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,428 posts
535

THE THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM!

As some of you might already know. I'm Moon. This is my third attempt at keeping a thread alive.

It's totally gonna die,
and I might cry.
But it's worth a try :3

^ Poem of the OP. Please Help the poem prove itself wrong, and don't let it die. Donate your time and feedback to this poor thread, so it can feed it's baby poems. :>


Anyways. I'm not really sure what all this will contain, I just hope there will actually be people willing to help me become better at whatever I try to do. So... I guess that means I will be writing (duh), drawing, and other artsy-fartsy stuff I shall attempt.

So... That's all I have for the OP! I hope that all onlookers will enjoy what I do!

  • 258 Replies
MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,428 posts
535

Just a little more.
We are almost there.
Just one step outside the door
And we can get a breath of fresh air.

So long have we have had to wait
Too much pain,
We have had to take.
Such a burden
Is not wise.
Because there's no doubt
That it lead's to your demise.

Someone has to do it.
Might as well be me.
Who else can shoulder,
Such a responsibility?

So now you and I
Should part this destructive trail.
For if you continue much longer,
I'm afraid that you might fail.

Just leave now,
So you can live your life.
I can handle this pain,
You don't need to have such strife.

_____

This is an old poem, from the First Metrophobia....

But don't expect me to just post old ones on here. I will hopefully be doing one post a day with something noteworthy in it.... But yeah! I will totally take requests or anything, I mean I'm pretty much begging for a bone to be thrown. :3

nichodemus
online
nichodemus
14,474 posts
21,890

I will kindly donate 3 minutes of my time, and maybe throw in a dozen words of encouragement. :3

Kidding. We need a Renaissance in the AMW or it'll sink into obscurity and mediocrity.

I like how you scramble it in free verse, instead of sticking to rigid structures which timid folk like me swear by. Keep it up, though you could vary the vocab a little.

You want a topic to be thrown at you?

MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,428 posts
535

OH MY GOODNESS THE FIRST POST IN HERE THAT ISN'T MINE, WE MUST NOW CELEBRATE THIS DAY AS NICHO DAY, THE KIND AND AWESOME DONATOR.

loljk. But I would if I could.

or it'll sink into obscurity and mediocrity.

I'm pretty sure I was the cannonball that sunk that ship already, but I've transformed into the raft that is trying to save the bits that are left!

Scramble in free verse? Hun, you might not of seen some of my other stuff....

I pretty much,
Stick to this way.
It is easy on the eyes,
And simple to say.

See? It's built into me like breathing. But I do hope I can push my boundaries and try to step outside of my box of comma-A period-B.

I will try to step up my vocab, but like I said earlier, I have kindergarten structure built into my cells, which includes kindergarten rhyming. But I will try to bump it up a notch to satisfy the smart population of the AG community, which is pretty much all of them... T_T But okay!

Yes, I will take a topic or two, but don't expect me to toss back a timeline. Creativity has it's own clock, as I'm sure you know. :P
nichodemus
online
nichodemus
14,474 posts
21,890

Lost track of the AMW after I went AWOL, long even before you were launched towards the ship from the twelve pounders haha.

Yup. Try experimenting with meter and rhyme if you're feeling plucky, and toss in more literary devices to boot.

Have you seen the population of AG in the Video/Flash Games and Tavern Sections? The gene pool that spawned many of them must have been short on grammar and anti-spam genes that day, not to mention being a few proteins short of making the intelligence gene.


I don't know. Old and New, since we're going with the 2012 theme lately.

MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,428 posts
535

I visit the Tavern often... :<

Old and New? Well.... let's put a pin in it, and I might upload something fitting the theme besides my entry for the poetry contest.

goumas13
offline
goumas13
4,895 posts
22,165

I really enjoyed the poem of the OP. Its a really nice and witty little poem. Keep up the good work!

MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,428 posts
535

http://i756.photobucket.com/albums/xx210/MikuMitsuki/Snapbucket/74B75468.jpg

This is what happens when everyone on the forums has seemingly disappeared and I'm armed with a mechanical pencil and some paper. I draw armatars and name them. Oh yes. I am the definition of cool.

nichodemus
online
nichodemus
14,474 posts
21,890

JEZZ, HOW did you know Jess?

Kyouzou
offline
Kyouzou
5,169 posts
3,265

Frank's ancient dwarf god might be a tad upset that you've turned him to a fwarf.

I enjoyed the second poem, it had a certain emotional weight behind it, but as Nicho said, vary word choice, unless going for repetition of course. Also, there were times when it seemed that you used a word just to establish a rhymer, specifically the last stanza, and the word just didn't fit.

I think that's about it as far as comments go, oh and I must point out that if you don't start naming these, this is going to get very dreary.

MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,428 posts
535

Well I don't know Jezz, but I see her around a lot . I like the armatar, it's why I doodled it.

Notes have been made about titles, and another vote for expanding word choice. Did I miss anything major?

nichodemus
online
nichodemus
14,474 posts
21,890

Oh really? I don't see her on AG anymore.

MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,428 posts
535

She was active in the FLP recently, I believe.
Great. Now I feel like a stalker.
Thanks, Nicho. Thanks.

MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,428 posts
535

http://i756.photobucket.com/albums/xx210/MikuMitsuki/Snapbucket/74B75468-1.jpg

So.. I hope this is a smaller version... Because up close you can see how... not so good it is. While far away is easier on the eyes

nichodemus
online
nichodemus
14,474 posts
21,890

FLP?

Anyway, I like the drawing of Jess especially :P

daleks
offline
daleks
3,840 posts
12,860

So.. I hope this is a smaller version... Because up close you can see how... not so good it is. While far away is easier on the eyes

The only one I don't really like is Frank. It is OK but some features seem to be off. The rest are really good though. Otto is the best.
Showing 1-15 of 258