Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Moon's Metrophobia
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THE THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM!
As some of you might already know. I'm Moon. This is my third attempt at keeping a thread alive.
It's totally gonna die,
and I might cry.
But it's worth a try :3
^ Poem of the OP. Please Help the poem prove itself wrong, and don't let it die. Donate your time and feedback to this poor thread, so it can feed it's baby poems. :>
Anyways. I'm not really sure what all this will contain, I just hope there will actually be people willing to help me become better at whatever I try to do. So... I guess that means I will be writing (duh), drawing, and other artsy-fartsy stuff I shall attempt.
So... That's all I have for the OP! I hope that all onlookers will enjoy what I do!
- 258 Replies
He shot me, and my dreams were shattered glass...
Who knows why he did this?
I cannot see if this pain will pass.
Ruining my perfect balance of bliss.
Come, Come away...
With me
Lets be together
Forever
We will thrive in our glee
Free to love
Free to be
The only future that I can see
Is where you are by my side
Cause you came with me.
Blood drips
from your head down to the floor.
Looking around me
It is a blood fest galore.
Can't run away
Cause the smell is so inviting
Can't stall or delay
The taste is so delighting.
I think you naturally insert common themes into your stuff. I doubt you even realize it, or at least that's how you allude in your responses to Emp (which were funny as hell). I could point out how the theme here is love and its evils (or I just did, rather), or I could find another example of this natural theme insertion. Or I'll do both.
Just a little more.
We are almost there.
Just one step outside the door
And we can get a breath of fresh air.
So long have we have had to wait
Too much pain,
We have had to take.
Such a burden
Is not wise.
Because there's no doubt
That it lead's to your demise.
Someone has to do it.
Might as well be me.
Who else can shoulder,
Such a responsibility?
So now you and I
Should part this destructive trail.
For if you continue much longer,
I'm afraid that you might fail.
Just leave now,
So you can live your life.
I can handle this pain,
You don't need to have such strife.
There. From the very first page. You've been doing this for a while.
Also I've apparently been here before.
As casually as "I ate his liver with a side of fava beans *sucking hiss*."
Don't forget the glass of Chianti.
To clarify... having a consistent tone or mood adds to a writer's appearance and image. It's a good thing.
And Emp, you are one strange duck sir.
. But this time, you sent it so casually. As casually as "I ate his liver with a side of fava beans *sucking hiss*."
I'm still laughing
Sal I try to do all sorts of things but my main thing is emotion. My poems are usually sad and junk. u_u
This isn't evil! see this is a sad one yes
But why me?
I have always asked myself
What crime did I commit?
That would make me deserve this?
I was always true
To you
And then you left me out of the blue
Tears ran down my face
My heart was ripped in two
So here I am wondering
What did I do wrong?
Trying to figure out
Why my life
Is a heart break song.
I'm sorta lost on this one. What particular style of poetry were you going for on this one? Four stanzas on first, doesn't rhyme, but break 2 and 3 have five and both rhyme. Great imagery on the theme, though! Oftentimes things happen abruptly without your knowledge of what happens, which hurts the most.
Hold on, these are all from the FLP thread, correct? So, these are individual poems rather than one big one?
Anyways, I really like these poems (or poem if they are one and the same), especially that last one.
None of these are a part of the same poem. I would post them all together if they were.
I don't have a particular style of poetry, dude. It's all just free verse stuff I guess. I don't try to rhyme on purpose, and I don't try to shove it into a certain sheme. I usually go with a b a b c d c d, etc, but sometimes it just comes out different.
I guess I'll start putting dates on these, so that way no one gets confused as to what's new and what isn't.
July 2nd, 2010
_____
My heart sings
When I hear your voice
I can leap over mountains, streams, and skies.
My heart smiles
When I see your face
With you I know I can fly.
Meh I don't really like this one but y'know. archive.
July 2nd, 2010
Free as a bird
Flying all night
Flying all day
With all of my might
Diving down fast
Feel the air rush around me
Can't catch me now
Free as anyone could ever possibly be.
That last line seems really cluttered and messes up the flow of the piece.
That last line seems really cluttered and messes up the flow of the piece.
Yeah I know... It's why I don't really like it. But since it's a poem I wrote in the FLP and I'm trying to archive I sort of have to put it there.u_u
My heart sings
When I hear your voice
I can leap over mountains, streams, and skies.
My heart smiles
When I see your face
With you I know I can fly.
This one seems like it should be happy and hopeful, but I'm getting a depressed vibe from it. I've read it like a dozen times but I still don't know why.
This one seems like it should be happy and hopeful, but I'm getting a depressed vibe from it. I've read it like a dozen times but I still don't know why.
Uh maybe it is all in your head? Well I mean. It was the line I was given, so I decided to make something happy out of it.
I'm trying to decide whether or not I should make something out of a little tidbit I wrote. SO I'm going to post it here and if it recieves feedback I guess I'll try to continue it. But I'm not exactly sure. I dunno. Just tell me what you think I guess, and if I can sit down and imagine where I want to go with it, I'll continue it.
If everyone and everything was perfect. Would we be happy? If there was no such thing as disease. hate or greed. If there were no problems? What would it be like? Is it a problem to have no problems? This was the thought of Him when he built us. When He created the world. A lack of perfection is perfection. Because perfection does not exist here. So by creating problems for us, he gives us meaning to life. Like the rat in the maze, our goal is to pass the obstacles and then get our cheese. Our cheese is the next life. He promises that in the other world, perfection exists. We canât imagine it here, because we do not have the ability to. We are clouded by emotions. Emotions only exist here. But He promises that in the next life, we donât have emotions. So we can reach true perfection. Which is what we all want. Right?
Aaaaaand you posted it here. I'd just copy & paste from the other thing but that's lazy and rude. I seriously need to sit down and think about this anyway because this is super intriguing.
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