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Moon's Metrophobia

Posted Aug 29, '12 at 2:05pm

SunPixie

SunPixie

76 posts

OH MY GOD KYO

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU BUTT

 

Posted Jul 3, '13 at 3:25pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

RE RE RE RE REVIVE!

Hey guys. I'm back. Thanks to Emperor I'll be semi trying to keep up with poetry and stuff. I'd really appreciate it if you guys told me what you think about any of my stuff, but you don't have to. Just the views are still appreciated. :)
Anyways this is the poem I posted for the Poetry Contest~

A never ending war between mankind.
Not over land and gold,
But of hearts and growing old.
We all want just one,
To keep to ourselves.
Our lovely little secret,
In our souls held by a spell.

A most blissful feeling,
That cannot be compared.
A personal journey,
With only one that can be shared.
But what is true bliss,
Without catastrophe?
How can we reach true joy,
Without agony?

Is not the taste sweeter,
When its prologue was sour?

 

Posted Jul 4, '13 at 4:20am

pangtongshu

pangtongshu

8,230 posts

Keep it up! ^-^

Anyways..I'm tired, distracted (by you, nonetheless), and other shiz..so I won't be doing much of an analysis..but when I get the chance I shall.

The first stanza has a very natural tone about it..I can easily imagine someone actually reading it to me.

The last four lines in both stanzas also excel with flow..so much so that I want them to continue on..just to bask in the flow. It may not have been intentional, but the effect created by the flow and the desire for it to continue gave the poem a more intrusive touch into my feels..and I like that.

The one thing that throws me off is the sporadic rhyming..though, that isn't to say it is a negative..I'm just personally used to constant rhyming.

But..like I said..keep up the work!
And don't fret..I shan't let this die ;p

 

Posted Jul 7, '13 at 5:31pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

Aw thanks pang (3 days later)

The one thing that throws me off is the sporadic rhyming..though, that isn't to say it is a negative..I'm just personally used to constant rhyming

I normally do constant rhyming, but this time I was just writing whatever in one sitting and pew pew pew out came that. I didn't really notice it didn't rhyme until after I posted and I made no efforts to change it I guess u_u

Ah I don't have much inspiration for anything and I don't know where my old thread is.... D: It's probably so far back it's gone by now sigh

Uhm maybe I'll do something later tonight i dunno

 

Posted Jul 7, '13 at 11:36pm

daleks

daleks

3,177 posts

If I post here Moon will probably yell at me. If I don't she will still yell at me.

I really like your line "I don't have much insperation for anything." It really speaks to me.

 

Posted Jul 8, '13 at 1:55pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

I AM YELLING AT YOU NOW.
jk thanks for the words that you worded here.

Yeah, I really tried to convey my emotions there. A sort of nonchalant, semi-empathetic way to say "Still love me and pay attention to my thread, while I do nothing"

 

Posted Jul 11, '13 at 1:46am

Freakenstein

Freakenstein

8,090 posts

Moderator

A most blissful feeling,
That cannot be compared.
A personal journey,
With only one that can be shared.
But what is true bliss,
Without catastrophe?
How can we reach true joy,
Without agony?

A very nice comparison to the Yin-Yang philosophy, as a world severely biased on one side can hardly compare each other without something on the other side to counteract it.

We all want just one,
To keep to ourselves.
Our lovely little secret,
In our souls held by a spell.

Beeeeautiful! Not sure if taking out the commas would better connect the string, or keeping the commas would give it dramatic pause.

 

Posted Jul 13, '13 at 2:02pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

Thanks guys~

I suppose since my other thread is so far back it is gone, I'll remake my archive. I'm not going to try and go through the entire FLP and make it right now, because that was 14 pages of poetry, double or triple stacking poems in each post, so as you can imagine it is a lot. I'll try to post one of my old poems once a day, and I don't know if the previous poems I have here are already posted from the old archive, so if you have seen it more than once in here, beg pardon. Just point it out to me and i'll have it deleted and such. :D

The mournful winter releases life
From its duty for a season,
Some view it as death,
But I view it as with a reason.

This was my first post in the FLP and since it is so short I'll post the second one too.

He shot me, and my dreams were shattered glass...
Who knows why he did this?
I cannot see if this pain will pass.
Ruining my perfect balance of bliss.

 

Posted Jul 14, '13 at 6:23pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

Come, Come away...
With me
Lets be together
Forever
We will thrive in our glee
Free to love
Free to be
The only future that I can see
Is where you are by my side
Cause you came with me.

 

Posted Jul 16, '13 at 12:49am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,216 posts

Blood drips
from your head down to the floor.
Looking around me
It is a blood fest galore.

Can't run away
Cause the smell is so inviting
Can't stall or delay
The taste is so delighting.

 
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