ForumsArt, Music, and WritingMoon's Metrophobia

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MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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THE THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM!

As some of you might already know. I'm Moon. This is my third attempt at keeping a thread alive.

It's totally gonna die,
and I might cry.
But it's worth a try :3

^ Poem of the OP. Please Help the poem prove itself wrong, and don't let it die. Donate your time and feedback to this poor thread, so it can feed it's baby poems. :>


Anyways. I'm not really sure what all this will contain, I just hope there will actually be people willing to help me become better at whatever I try to do. So... I guess that means I will be writing (duh), drawing, and other artsy-fartsy stuff I shall attempt.

So... That's all I have for the OP! I hope that all onlookers will enjoy what I do!

  • 258 Replies
Freakenstein
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Freakenstein
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My feels. They be pouring out.

I don't know what drugs I was on


You were on pure sugar.
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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My feels. They be pouring out.

aw babe thanks

July 5th, 2010

The star shines alone,
The light is blinding.
But beautiful.
Then I noticed the others around it.
All just as amazing,
Yet they shine on their own.
Together, but separate.
Breathtaking.

_____

Meh, I don't like it but archive u_u I'll double this up with an equally terrible one just because I'd hate to make multiple posts that contain such garbage.


(also from July 5th, 2010)

As the sun sets it is a picture perfect moment,
I grab my camera to preserve it forever.
But I was a moment too late,
And you couldn't see the brilliance.
I will try again on a later date.

_____

School is starting again soon. Let's see how long I can keep up.
Riptizoid101
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Riptizoid101
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Bit late on posting.

Anyways, your 3(4?) year old poems aren't as bad as you make them out to be. Also, I'm noticing the reoccurring motif in your old poems of happiness, beauty, individuality, etc, which puts me in a good vibe after reading them, even if they're not the "best" poems. It's the message that's conveyed, not simply the content.

Anyhoo, I demand that you give us your first 2014 poem this instant! >

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Anyhoo, I demand that you give us your first 2014 poem this instant! >

That's not quite how things work, darling. But maybe sometime I will get around to it.

Anyways.

July 5th, 2010

I wake to the dawn.
The early morning sun,
Is rising to greet me.
Fills me with energy,
As I wonder what I will see.

I step out into the sunlight,
Looking upon all the beautiful colors of nature.
The green on the leaves and the green of the ground.
A lavender flower petal falls without making a sound.

I walk with a purpose.
Throughout my day.
The light, bouncy, air around me,
Begs for me to play.

So I skip through the yellow fields of wheat.
I climb up the old, faithful tree.
This day is such a wonderful treat.
It is amazing just to be.

When the day begins to darken,
I begin to feel tired.
So I walk back to my home,
And dream of the beauty of nature.
I am ready for a new dawn.

_____
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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1,445

July 7th, 2010

It is worth fighting for,
My country's honor is worth this war.
I don't care if I die today.
Hell, I'm not even getting paid.
_____

Alright this one was just messing around on the FLP, so I don't exactly count it as a legit piece of work, so I'm gonna add the next one on to this post as well.
_____

July 9th, 2010

Staring into the night
I see
How amazing dark can be.
Stars are glistening.
People are asleep.
Looking into the water,
You can't tell how deep.
All is quiet.
You are alone.
To ponder the thoughts,
Of places unknown.
Streaks of soft light begin to show.
Light clouds caress the sky.
The night begins to fade, although,
You will see such beauty again.
When the day says good bye.
_____

Ah, this one I kind of like. The rhythm of this one kind of gets funky at the end, and I'd like to change that but I'm not quite sure how. I don't think that I do these visually descriptive poems much, so they are not always the best. But alas I shall seek improvement.

I'll be attempting to keep this alive while I'm in school, but please bear with me if I skip over a few days. (if any of you are even bothering to look at this, I do appreciate it)

IceClaw247
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IceClaw247
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It's a great poem Moon, I love the subject of it too. As it is about night time and how peaceful and gentle it is with everything is silent I feel the lines should be slightly re-structured. If you lengthened the lines of the first half (line 3 back spaced onto the previous line) and connect the next couple of lines after that together to give it more structure also building the poem up more. After

You can't tell how deep.
I think there should be a break and start a new stanza. In the second stanza you can have the lines shorter with enjambment which will emphasize each line until the finale.
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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1,445

July 16th, 2010

The annoyance
Of that gol darn bee.
Thinks that he can keep pestering,
Me?!

Never
Will I ever
Let that bee leave alive.
For I,
The evolved one,
Have the element of suprise.

SMACK
Almost gotcha!
SMACK
Get back here!!!!
SMACK
C'mere Buddy!
SMACK
I'm your worst fear.

So he thinks he can beat me?
Thinks he can just leave?
Fly out of MY window?
And into the breeze?

No way bud.
Not today.
I've got a fly swatter.
And it is your butt I'm gonna slay.
_____

This poem was for humor purposes ONLY. I'm kind of ashamed of it, but alas the archive rules demand I post it.

Freakenstein
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Freakenstein
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I recited this poem in the chat, I think the dramatic effects won me over.

Tapassum
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Tapassum
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While reading through these, I was convinced the first letter of every line would spell out a message of some sort

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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It's a great poem Moon, I love the subject of it too. As it is about night time and how peaceful and gentle it is with everything is silent I feel the lines should be slightly re-structured. If you lengthened the lines of the first half (line 3 back spaced onto the previous line) and connect the next couple of lines after that together to give it more structure also building the poem up more. After

You can't tell how deep.

I think there should be a break and start a new stanza. In the second stanza you can have the lines shorter with enjambment which will emphasize each line until the finale.


Thank you! I agree with you completely, and when I'm writing these down I will most definitely make these changes.

I recited this poem in the chat, I think the dramatic effects won me over.

Oh god Frank did you really..... seriously....

While reading through these, I was convinced the first letter of every line would spell out a message of some sort

Sorry to disappoint.


July 21st, 2010

As the tiger runs,
I try to run alongside.
I can't keep up,
But he slows down,
Natures rules we both abide.

I see no danger in him,
He doesn't see it in me.
He is just a majestic beast,
Waiting to be free.

So I will run beside him,
Faithfully as a friend.
And we will both wait patiently,
Till we can run again.
_____

I kind of like the idea I had behind this one, but I feel like it's just too short and I forced the rhyme was just way too forced. Ah well.
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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The comfort of the darkness,
As it wraps itself around me.
Like a blanket,
Only it is everywhere, surrounding.

It is where I can relax,
Where I can feel peace.
I can throw off some troubles,
Of the real world at least.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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1,445

August 17th, 2010

Life has been shadowed by death
Ever since the world has been spinning.
A new life comes,
An old life goes,
It is a cycle that is never ending.

Not everyone feels the pain of someone gone.
But sooner or later they will,
But it doesn't mean you should be depressed,
It is just The Life's Deal.

Salvidian
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Salvidian
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I liked how that last one sounded a lot.

< _ <

> _ >

I may have shared it with others.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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1,445

August 17th, 2010

My day? It started off okay.
Did all the same things that I would do,
Got ready to face the world,
But I wasn't ready to face you.

Life just isn't fair, now is it?
So I'm stuck in this place.
Sitting across from you.
Trying to not stare at your face.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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September 19th, 2010

The tear of our sorrows,
Is all that we will give.
No matter how many curses and plagues,
That we try to outlive.

So much death,
So much sorrow.
What is the point,
Of looking foward to tomorrow?

We can't let you in,
Or you might be able to see.
How much pain there is,
Or all of the suffering.

So let it be known,
That we are still strong.
Even though it is false,
Even though it is wrong.

So only a small tear,
Will drop from our faces.
Only a small rip,
Tears the courage where our faith is.
_____

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