ForumsArt, Music, and WritingMoon's Metrophobia

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MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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THE THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM!

As some of you might already know. I'm Moon. This is my third attempt at keeping a thread alive.

It's totally gonna die,
and I might cry.
But it's worth a try :3

^ Poem of the OP. Please Help the poem prove itself wrong, and don't let it die. Donate your time and feedback to this poor thread, so it can feed it's baby poems. :>


Anyways. I'm not really sure what all this will contain, I just hope there will actually be people willing to help me become better at whatever I try to do. So... I guess that means I will be writing (duh), drawing, and other artsy-fartsy stuff I shall attempt.

So... That's all I have for the OP! I hope that all onlookers will enjoy what I do!

  • 258 Replies
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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A heap of shattered glass and dust is all that remains.
A constant clash of minds is a harsh mental drain.
We hurt each other and ourselves at the same time.
Nothing we can do will fix this brutal crime.

A heap of shattered glass and dust is all that remains.
Nothing can fix this eternal heartfelt pain.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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I always lied to you
And never felt bad
You kept coming back
And that made me so mad.
I never gave you a reason to love me
I always hated that you stayed
I wanted you to go
So I could be alone

I hurt you too much
The last time around
When I realized I loved you
And you couldn't forgive me
Because I broke your heart too many times before
You couldn't seem to find it in you
To let someone in
So I saw you shut your heart down
And store all emotions beneath the skin.
So this is a goodbye
To all of my family and friends
I just want all of this to end.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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The mournful winter releases life
From its duty for a season,
Some view it as death,
But I view it as with a reason

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Maybe I should look at my summer reading.... ehhh I haven't done summer reading since middle school so nah >8D Lesse... I could do Chinese and Laundry... maybe....


Maybe I'll go write out my own schedule, while I stick this here.

Instead of reaching conclusions
I find illusions
Things that aren't real
Misleading my mind
This wasn't the deal.
This isn't what I was supposed to find.

The dead body on the floor
This wasn't the condition upon which we swore
No one was supposed to get hurt
You weren't to kill anyone
How this situation I want to invert
You weren't a hired gun.

Innocent and harmless
Now because of your mistake we have to confess
You blew the whole mission
Don't blame me
You put us in this condition
How is this what I was to foresee?

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Here is a tale
Of a fallen hero.
Thrown from his home,
Family and friends
He lays, crumpled on the ground.
The corner of a forgotten dead end.
He goes through his memories of his
False fame and glory.
The people that took the blame
So he could be a hero in his own story.
He caught the bad guys,
Convicted evil doers.
No one questioned the evidence.
No one thought to look
At what was inside
Of our Hero's little black book.
The lives of the 'evil'
Were honestly innocent
But they were played
As our Hero's instrument.
They took the fall,
So he could appear good.
Who would think to question
What no one else would?
Our Hero had a boy
A good natured son
Who would've thought
He would be the one?
To uncover the truths
About his father.
What was he thinking?
Why did he bother?
He saw the black book
And read of the lives
That were held inside.
The boy went to the papers,
And our Hero's fame reached it's end.
No one adored him,
Now that they knew what he did.
The boy rose to the occasion
As the first Hero fell.
He would not lie so that people would praise him,
He only promised this story to retell.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Sometimes the most unappealing roads lead to the best places~

daleks
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daleks
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Sometimes the most unappealing roads lead to the best places~

Until you are walking down the road and a bear jumps out and kills you.
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Wooooo. Well, whatever there was going on with that dippy and I, it is over. They really called the cops, and the cop just told them to go back home and sort it out themselves.

THANK YOU OFFICER D.

Anyways. An old new piece:

No matter the turn of events
No matter the situation
They stuck through it all
Even through the complications.
I've always questioned their feelings for me
I've never thought that I changed
But apparently I have
Because now I can brighten their day.
I always thought I brought them down
But I see that I make them smile
I can manipulate the air around
And make our times worthwhile.

_____

A nice contrast to what has been going on lately.

Salvidian
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Salvidian
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That last one sounded like the lyrics to a song. Oh, and 'manipulate the air around' was an incredible phrase. It leads up to a lot of other really interesting thoughts and it kind of hints at the possibility of you being a superhero.

Or a rapper. It does sound like a rap lyric.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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I actually disliked that line, but still used it lol.

Anyways, update:

A picnic on a diving board
Eating all the food
That we could afford
Simple dining
While the sun was shining
Is it possible
That our hearts were aligning?
You're here now
Here for me
I want to understand
What do you see?
It is more of an investigation
Because people run
When they see my reputation.
I love it that you stick around
You know what to say
It is so profound
I thought I would drive you away
And I tried very hard
But the evil I do
You just disregard.

A picnic on the diving board
I don't deserve you as a reward.

wolf1991
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wolf1991
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Tell me Moon, how does one commence a picnic on said diving board?

Overall the flow is generally even and the rhyming is well put together. Only critique is that the punctuation is a little off throughout the entire poem, and that tend to affect its rhythm. Aside from that minor detail it's well done and I enjoyed it's simplicity in theme.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Well you sit on one end, and the other person sits on the other end, facing you, then you splash the food between the two of you.

Yeah no , . , . , . , . thing or anything. Danke wolfie.

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
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Walking out to war
The new feel of those
Shiny hard helmets
Gotta have dry socks
Have to blend in

A bomb goes off
In the distance
Men go down
My brother
Along with them
They held me back
From saving you
They kept me from
From keeping you alive
Why did it have to be you
And not I?

Our parents will never see you again
Never hear your laugh
Just the memories.
The good were few
The bad were many
I should of changed that
I could've.

But I didn't.

It is my fault
And I know you would say otherwise
But I was supposed to be in your squad,
Your place.
I sent you to your demise.
Unknowingly.

I'm so sorry.
So sorry.

Kyouzou
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Kyouzou
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Nicely done, good play on the emotion. The first stanza really doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem which, in my opinion, really disrupts the flow. Other than that, I thought it was quite good.

SunPixie
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SunPixie
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OH MY GOD KYO

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU BUTT

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