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Moon's Metrophobia

Posted Jul 18, '13 at 2:11am

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

My heart sings
When I hear your voice
I can leap over mountains, streams, and skies.

My heart smiles
When I see your face
With you I know I can fly.


This one seems like it should be happy and hopeful, but I'm getting a depressed vibe from it. I've read it like a dozen times but I still don't know why.
 

Posted Jul 18, '13 at 2:32am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,419 posts

This one seems like it should be happy and hopeful, but I'm getting a depressed vibe from it. I've read it like a dozen times but I still don't know why.

Uh maybe it is all in your head? Well I mean. It was the line I was given, so I decided to make something happy out of it.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I should make something out of a little tidbit I wrote. SO I'm going to post it here and if it recieves feedback I guess I'll try to continue it. But I'm not exactly sure. I dunno. Just tell me what you think I guess, and if I can sit down and imagine where I want to go with it, I'll continue it.



If everyone and everything was perfect. Would we be happy? If there was no such thing as disease. hate or greed. If there were no problems? What would it be like? Is it a problem to have no problems? This was the thought of Him when he built us. When He created the world. A lack of perfection is perfection. Because perfection does not exist here. So by creating problems for us, he gives us meaning to life. Like the rat in the maze, our goal is to pass the obstacles and then get our cheese. Our cheese is the next life. He promises that in the other world, perfection exists. We canât imagine it here, because we do not have the ability to. We are clouded by emotions. Emotions only exist here. But He promises that in the next life, we donât have emotions. So we can reach true perfection. Which is what we all want. Right?
 

Posted Jul 18, '13 at 2:41am

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

Aaaaaand you posted it here. I'd just copy & paste from the other thing but that's lazy and rude. I seriously need to sit down and think about this anyway because this is super intriguing.

 

Posted Jul 18, '13 at 2:59pm

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

I'm typing this from my phone so please forgive me if there are any grievous errors that ruin my overall coherency. I'm also going to ramble a bit, so beware. :P

So I sat down and thought about the whole premise of the backstory and where it might go and whatever else. I build up a lot of ideas on my own but I shot most them down because they probably wouldn't fit your writing style. Then again, very few ideas of mine fit anyone but me, which makes sense. I tried to do a fantasy oriented thing but it was kind of difficult to really think in that mindset without entering the Dune or Avatar (not the Last Airbender) cliches. I suppose if you're comfortable writing using a cliche and you can do it well, then by all means. It's just that I can't see it working well for you in that fashion. I also wanted to keep that God theme in it, but for the life of me I cannot put the idea of religion into a story with Dune or Avatar cliches. I just don't see it settling nicely.

But then there was that mutation idea you had. I really like that. Having the humans mutated in order to obtain carbon and hydrogen from other planets. Inserting a main character (because you said you wanted one) into a setup like that is a piece of cake. Plus it's easy to introduce other characters. You could have the main character's friend be a fellow planetary explorer, or you could have an enemy be his evil, manipulative boss. Or you could have the mutants rebel against their leaders because they're like slaves to the humans. Or you could do a psychological journal of the main character's thoughts as he progresses through the steps of his evolution, and you could add in a physical journal of the main character's body through evolution. Or you could do all three! The possibilities in this story are limitless.

I had an idea last night of taking this away from a "main character" set up and instead focus on several different peoples' stories. With that, you could delve into the history and backstory behind the whole mutating humans in order to get materials to sustain the normal humans thing. You know, you could focus on the dystopia's leader for part of the story, then switch to a mutant's perspective, then switch to a regular human perspective, then go somewhere else. Or you could have all the characters meet up at some point in the story and create some epic catharsis where they all kill each other.

Going off of that thought, the climax of the story would be huge. I mean, it's about billions of people over dozens of planets that include hundreds of possible stories. In the climax you could have some sort of crazy malfunction in the mutating mechanism that kills everyone or mutates everyone into something excessively nuts. Or you could have the mutants rebel against the humans and have the mutants create a new society. Or you could have a single mutant escape from the planetary mines and go off on his own (ever see The Shawshank Redemption?). From a small cast to everyone, this story is essentially endless.

Anyway, that's all the creative juice I have for now.

 

Posted Jul 19, '13 at 1:21am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,419 posts

Wow sal u_u i do not deserve you as a friend you are awesome for paying attention and actually thinking about stuff you are great don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
If I find the energy to get off my butt I might try to continue chatting with you guys about it but i feel like i need to write it all out, what we want to happen. Instead of just making ideas that jump off of each other. Somehow stay focused, etc.




July 2nd, 2010

Atop a cliff
I wonder
Staring down into the water
What it would feel like,
Those few seconds of free falling

Fear?
Adrenaline?
Terror?
Thrill?

I might just take the jump
To find out.

 

Posted Jul 22, '13 at 2:49am

Riptizoid101

Riptizoid101

6,333 posts

Oh. I really liked that. It was like a mix between prose and poetry, giving it a unique aspect. It's surprising that this was from so long ago, though.

 

Posted Oct 1, '13 at 2:46am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,419 posts

Perfection. First of all, the dictionary definition of perfect:

"the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects."

This is what google has given me as the definition of 'perfect'. So, we know what basically constitutes perfect. Now what is the definition of flaws or defects? Google has given the answer of a flaw or defect to be 'an imperfection.' We know imperfection means not perfect so again we are left with what makes it not perfect. What makes it a flaw? As free as possible from flaws means imperfection so is imperfection also perfection? And that's just a nice little loop that people can argue over until the end of time. But for me, personally,

I believe that true perfection for everyone in the world does not exist. To be perfect, you would have to determine what the definition of a flaw is. And your definition of perfection or flaws will never match up with everyone elses. It's like determining you 'type' of partner. You may like blonde hair and blue eyes, but will everyone else think so? Probably not.

But that doesn't mean that a personal idea of perfection doesn't exist. I haven't experienced any sort of perfection, but just because I haven't doesn't mean that no one else has. I'm pretty sure that one out of the 7.118 ish billion people on this Earth have found at least one thing that they have found no match for. Nothing will ever exceed that single thing. And it doesn't have to be in every aspect of their life. They may have found the perfect color to paint their bedroom and no other color will ever change that. Or they have defined their own idea of 'flaws' in something and they have found something that doesn't have a single flaw.

This is actually confusing me now, so I should probably wrap this up. And I've probably missed the topic of this discussion completely but that's okay. You can be pleasantly surprised if you lower your expectations and you can attain perfection as soon as you decide on what your type of perfection is.

 

Posted Dec 27, '13 at 12:01am

Pieguyme

Pieguyme

1,030 posts

So I'm not quite sure. Is this supposed to be a suggestion thread, or just somewhere for you to showcase your work? Anyway, what I've seen so far is awesome. It would be great if you could give me some tips on writing, as you seem to be an expert at it. If you can't, well, that's fine. Keep up the great work.

 

Posted Dec 30, '13 at 4:16pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,419 posts

Oi a visitor!

I have no idea why that perfection thing posted here, when I put it elsewhere. Maybe I did mean to post it here, but it wasn't meant for AG and I don't remember doin' it.

This is a place for me to showcase my work and receive suggestions on it. I'm far from an expert, but I do appreciate it. Since I'm on my break I'd be totally fine with helping you out on some things, if you'd like.

 

Posted Dec 30, '13 at 5:44pm

EmperorPalpatine

EmperorPalpatine

9,475 posts

I have no idea why that perfection thing posted here

It's surprisingly poetic anyway.
 
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