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Moon's Metrophobia

Posted Jun 3, '14 at 9:08pm

Gantic

Gantic

11,166 posts

Moderator

I unsticky a lot of things. If it were up to me, I'd unsticky everything and leave the only one sticky in each forum with a bunch of animated GIFs and links to threads. I'm going to properly redo a few and it will be perfection.

A slumbering mountain,
Ancient and exhausted.
Shifting and moving,
An avalanche of tingles.
The sound of snapping trees
mixed with the shrill cries of birds.
Piercing through dusty lids,
The brilliant sun grows brighter,
ripping you from lethargy.


I think this is too metaphor heavy. The idea is there, but the comparison to the image of an old slumbering mountain is too clichéd. The sharpness of sensory input, shrill, piercing, ripping action puts force behind being woken unwillingly, and I like that, but I think there could be a stronger contrast and a better transition from slumbering to ripping, reinforced perhaps by regular rhythm coupled with pleasant alliteration, assonance, or consonance like using slow/slowly, slothful, sluggish, etc. when you also use slumbering. Slowly, slothful, sluggish would easily fit a trochee or an iamb. However, this might take some power/reverence away from the image of an ancient mountain stirring.
 

Posted Jun 9, '14 at 12:35pm

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

Why are you scared of trains anyway? Or big cities?

 

Posted Jun 9, '14 at 2:17pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,420 posts

Why are you scared of trains anyway? Or big cities?

what
 

Posted Jun 9, '14 at 3:13pm

Salvidian

Salvidian

4,299 posts

"Metrophobia"

 

Posted Jun 10, '14 at 7:22pm

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,420 posts

"Metrophobia"

why don't you google, metrophobia, hun.
It means fear of poetry. And this is a poetry thread. get it
 

Posted Jun 10, '14 at 11:05pm

Gantic

Gantic

11,166 posts

Moderator

Metro for the public transportation comes from metropolitan subway. Metropolitan comes from metropolis. Metropolis comes from Greek meaning "mother city". Therefore, metrophobia could actually mean "mother fear".

Metro in the sense of metrophobia as referenced above comes from the Greek word for measure. Poem already comes from Greek. Why the heck do you appropriate the word 'meter' into metrophobia in some weird synedochic confusatorium. poetophobia would make more sense even if it's wrong.

English sucks.

 

Posted Jun 15, '14 at 12:08am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,420 posts

English sucks.

Tru.

It's why we should all learn Chinese, kids. I don't care if you want to call it Mandarin or Putonghua or whatever the hell but you all need to go out and learn some form of it because it makes sense in a weird way.

that is all.
 

Posted Dec 15, '14 at 10:34am

MoonFairy

MoonFairy

3,420 posts

It's been 11 months exactly since I've posted here.

Wow.

How has the AMW been? Any quality stuff coming from this place anymore? What's happened in the past (almost) year?

 

Posted Dec 15, '14 at 1:26pm

Gantic

Gantic

11,166 posts

Moderator

I don't know about you, but that's a 'u' not an 'a'.

Nothing interesting has happened in the last six months in the AMW.

 
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