ForumsWEPRWhat Is Your Opinion On Cheating (In a sense of adultery).

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DairyHick
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DairyHick
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I personally think very low of people that cheat on their boy/girl friends or spouses and I have zero toleration for these people. If my girlfriend where to just kiss another guy on the lips I would break up with her.

Although I regret to say this I am not very certain that in situations whether I would cheat on my girlfriend or not...

Since we are all friends here I thought we could perhaps talk about this topic.

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zakyman
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zakyman
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I think that if you cheat than you do not deserve the person that you are in a relationship with. When you are in a relationship it should be exclusive unless you and your partner agree upon if you can date other people.

Since we are all friends here I thought we could perhaps talk about this topic.


I'M NOT UR FREND!!!!!!!!!!!!

/jk
DairyHick
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DairyHick
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I'M NOT UR FREND!!!!!!!!!!!!


NOW YOU ARE!

----------------------------------------------------------
Ok...

I think that if you cheat than you do not deserve the person that you are in a relationship with


What if your partner has cheated on you?
zakyman
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zakyman
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What if your partner has cheated on you?


Well then I would break up with her.


NOW YOU ARE!


WHY!!!!!!!!????????
MageGrayWolf
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MageGrayWolf
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Relationships require a certain level of trust between the to involved. Going behind someone's back like this would constitute a violation of that trust.
Of course it's a different story of both parties have agreed to not be exclusive, but I don't think that is what your talking about here.

314d1
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314d1
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If my girlfriend where to just kiss another guy on the lips I would break up with her.


Heh. Sure you have a girlfriend.

I personally think very low of people that cheat on their boy/girl friends or spouses and I have zero toleration for these people. If my girlfriend where to just kiss another guy on the lips I would break up with her.


Really depends on the context and society, doesn't it? I mean would it be considered "cheating" if your wife got *****? If you have zero tolerance, then why would you have any standards for ever cheating on your wife? What is considered cheating?
zakyman
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zakyman
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I mean would it be considered "cheating" if your wife got *****?



He means if she makes the conscious decision to go and have sex with another person other than him.
wipe42
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wipe42
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Perfect example today actually. Now this was a little awkward though..
SO this girl really likes me but I don't like her at all. Actually, most of you know why, if not then I'm gay so there you go, and after a little bit of a day she tries to ask me out, but I have a boyfriend so I really am not attracted to her at all. Remember though she has a boyfriend knows, I'm gay, and lives with her boyfriend. So now I have to talk with her and her boyfriend with my boyfriend and just to prove that I'm not trying to go out with her....

Of course it's a different story of both parties have agreed to not be exclusive, but I don't think that is what your talking about here.


Now I don't understand this. Why would you cheat anyway? You're making an agreement to be with that person while your dating them, so why jeopardize that in any way regardless if you have agree to not be exclusive?

What if your partner has cheated on you?


Public humiliation. I know how people around me work. I know what makes them tick and if they hurt me badly enough I use that against them. I've only ever done this once though so I'm not really a horrible person for just knowing it am I? I wouldn't think so if I just kinda figured it out...
DairyHick
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DairyHick
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WHY!!!!!!!!????????

CAUSE I ADDED YOU!!!

Heh. Sure you have a girlfriend.

lol what do you want, a facebook add?

Now I don't understand this. Why would you cheat anyway? You're making an agreement to be with that person while your dating them, so why jeopardize that in any way regardless if you have agree to not be exclusive?


I think weakness in itself is in human nature. You can never truly be in full control your desires. For example, I have a girlfriend. However If I were to be given the opportunity to sleep with someone that I find VERY attractive I am not sure if I have that kind of self control to deny the opportunity. <-- I say this in all honesty. Of course, If my girlfriend does find out I would still understand why she would break up with me.
Dewi1066
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Dewi1066
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It all depends on the relationship.

Men are supposed to be naturally attracted to multiple partners at once and a recent study suggested that when men stray, they do so whilst still loving their partner, its just they want more sex.

Personally I believe you can choose to be monogamous or not. Society expects monogamy, but different people expect different things from individual relationships.

I'm married, I've chosen monogamy as has my wife, so if our relationship became anything other than monogamous, we'd have to reassess whether we wanted to be together any more.

Highfire
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Highfire
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If my girlfriend where to just kiss another guy on the lips I would break up with her.

I have little experience in this field but I don't think that makes my opinion invalid.

Depends on who the guy is, really, and the persona of my partner in the first place -- in order to properly interpret what the kiss was. Physical intimacy is usually not done between common friends, and usually is between two partners and very close friends in a time of comfort (when on a serious level)... I think it's underdone, as a result, and if my partner thinks the same and both her and the guy she would kiss are "on the same level" (Him knowing that I'm the boyfriend and respecting myself and my 'osition' (Her knowing that I'm her boyfriend and would frown upon (to say the least) anything else otherwise), I think I would be fine with it, I would find it quite heartwarming to see the same honestly. It shows a large sense of security for myself, it allows my girlfriend and the other person to have better expression themselves without worrying that much about me (confidence in my personality themselves), and etc.

This wouldn't be a likely situation, being how kissing is culturally perceived it should be taken into account that something could easily be going on and as a result I'd be much more skeptical but... well hey, I was thinking about an ideal situation.

Although I regret to say this I am not very certain that in situations whether I would cheat on my girlfriend or not...

I tend to think of situations on a positive note, especially if it would be between two different people in a relationship like this. I'd prefer be broken-up with straight up, it's more honest, and it doesn't allow any surprises... even if it's for another guy. Do I hate the guy? Depends, do I actually dislike his character or what he's done previously, or am I just taking a biased standpoint against him because my ex-girlfriend is with him? I would think that I would be with someone intelligent enough to make her own choices and we could at least end on a positive note in that stance... if not, then I would view it as for the best... wouldn't you?

However If I were to be given the opportunity to sleep with someone that I find VERY attractive I am not sure if I have that kind of self control to deny the opportunity.

Before this quote you stated it a possibility of human nature. For your sake, don't try and protect your inability to control yourself (yes, that's supposed to sound blunt) with a generalized judgement on humanity. Learn to develop your actions based on what you think is the most logical / reasonable, where that fuels your discipline. It is much easier if you're able to tell yourself to shut up and do what you know is right, especially.
Make the right call, and break up with her beforehand at least, because if you're with someone then it should be obvious that they at least do not deserve to be violated in terms of the trust you share together.

<-- I say this in all honesty.

I hope you rethink your first statement - 'I think weakness in itself is in human nature.' then. Sorry to go on about it, but hey -- it's for self-improvement, I would think. It's great that you honestly think this, and furthermore that you put this out there (admittedly to anonymous people who you've likely never met), but this is my honest feedback, I hope you give it a bit of thought. Thanks, if you do.

Men are supposed to be naturally attracted to multiple partners at once and a recent study suggested that when men stray, they do so whilst still loving their partner, its just they want more sex.

What is natural and what is allowed need not be one in the same. Don't get me wrong -- I believe some things that are natural should not be changed (such as homosexuality, if you look at that thread), but the more, I guess you could call "civilized" aspects of humanity I believe can be retained even if it tugs at your &quotrimal desires". Also, it could be possible that guilt caused from actually cheating during the sex (especially when thinking back on it) could inspire a form of love for your initial partner.

Society expects monogamy, but different people expect different things from individual relationships.

It would be on the safe side -- and a fair one, honestly, to be explicit on that in the relationship.
Monogamous does not really require anything to say about it -- since you're not really doing anything, but having sex with someone else is mathematically an additional action, so it calls for notifying your initial partner.

- H
Dewi1066
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Dewi1066
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What is natural and what is allowed need not be one in the same. Don't get me wrong -- I believe some things that are natural should not be changed (such as homosexuality, if you look at that thread), but the more, I guess you could call "civilized" aspects of humanity I believe can be retained even if it tugs at your &quotrimal desires". Also, it could be possible that guilt caused from actually cheating during the sex (especially when thinking back on it) could inspire a form of love for your initial partner.


Well, you know better than the people who have spent years studying it then. You should contact them with your assumptions on human nature and see whether they'll take it on board.

It would be on the safe side -- and a fair one, honestly, to be explicit on that in the relationship.
Monogamous does not really require anything to say about it -- since you're not really doing anything, but having sex with someone else is mathematically an additional action, so it calls for notifying your initial partner.


Do you know what monogamy is? Do you have any idea about the other types of relationship (which are perfectly normal and natural incidently) that exist?

You're not talking about something you have no experience or clue about yet again are you, because it would appear you are.

Monogamy is something you have to agree, it isn't a given. It is part of the unspoken agreement between a couple that comes about by getting to know each other. Some couples choose to discuss it quite openly with their new partner as I did with my wife. We agreed a monogamous relationship before we married. Had we agreed another form of relationship by mutual consent, as long as it was agreed, no problem.

Cheating is simply doing something that goes against the agreed relationship. It doesn't have to be sex, it could be a number of other things.
DairyHick
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DairyHick
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Men are supposed to be naturally attracted to multiple partners at once and a recent study suggested that when men stray, they do so whilst still loving their partner, its just they want more sex.

Personally I believe you can choose to be monogamous or not. Society expects monogamy, but different people expect different things from individual relationships.


I find this very interesting.

Also, lets talk about society itself. General speaking, a women with multiple sex partners is looked down upon more than a men with multiple sex partners. Do you guys have anything to say about this? Why do you think this happens? Do you think its right?

I would think that I would be with someone intelligent enough to make her own choices and we could at least end on a positive note in that stance... if not, then I would view it as for the best... wouldn't you?


If my girlfriend really were to cheat on me I'm not sure if I want to end it on a good note. We have been together for so long that If it were to end like that, I would probably go through a phase of self-loathing and the loathing of others.

Make the right call, and break up with her beforehand at least, because if you're with someone then it should be obvious that they at least do not deserve to be violated in terms of the trust you share together.


I completely agree with you here. However, actually imagine the scenario here. You're at a night club and you see that this hottie is really into you. You go to her place and right before you have "sexytime" you remember you have to be a good person and not violate the terms of trust. So you call up your girlfriend and tell her your about to get it on with someone else. Or you could go and have you poontang and go home filled in shame, but as long as your girlfriend doesn't find out nothing will change between you and her.
Highfire
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Highfire
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Well, you know better than the people who have spent years studying it then. You should contact them with your assumptions on human nature and see whether they'll take it on board.

I'd appreciate if you lacked belittling and sarcasm. But you know, even with that, I guess I'll throw out a simple reason for why my point can stand to truth.
People don't think the same way I do. In culture, do they value logic and reason as much? Hell, freaking, no. I would recommend you do not question me, as I don't leer towards that which happens, but what could happen. My fantasist side kicking in -- but hey, it works for those with an open mind.

Would you like an example? Myself, again. Secondary and unreliable evidence at best, but hey, you know what? You probably have examples yourself. How "natural" do you think you and I are? What "motives" are we given that we ignore, and what urges have we made blunt under our years of civilization? I'll give you some time to think about that.

Do you know what monogamy is?

Speaking in the sense of a relationship, not marriage. Should've clarified.

Do you have any idea about the other types of relationship (which are perfectly normal and natural incidently) that exist?

Funny. Monogamy is "a form of marriage in which an individual has only one spouse at any one time". I guess marriage is natural in itself too?
Consider what else is natural, religion is, where an answer, proven or unproven, right or wrong is a natural form of ideology that people created in order to explain purpose.

You're not talking about something you have no experience or clue about yet again are you, because it would appear you are.

Considering I said I've no experience, I guess that part sticks.

You're also helping with the chemistry here.

Monogamy is something you have to agree, it isn't a given.

My poor presentation is at fault here.

It is part of the unspoken agreement between a couple that comes about by getting to know each other.

Marriage is not unspoken, it is a declaration.
But in the case you are speaking on the level I intended... unspoken rarely works. It is a given, which is why I said you should be EXPLICIT when being anything otherwise. As far as I'm concerned, the reasonable time for this to be recognized is when the status is "couple" or "dating".

Some couples choose to discuss it quite openly with their new partner as I did with my wife.

... For the first part, that's stating the obvious.
As for the second, I fail to see relevance in experience until it is reasonably backed up.

Simply (and bluntly) put, what is your point on that?

Had we agreed another form of relationship by mutual consent, as long as it was agreed, no problem.

That is the point of agreeing. Hello? Despite your apparent belief, I'm not a muppet.

Cheating is simply doing something that goes against the agreed relationship. It doesn't have to be sex, it could be a number of other things.

In the sense of adultery.
Although being as it is closely related with the topic, fine.
And please explain where you derived the idea that I hadn't come to the same conclusion?
Ironically I'm going to give a fair bit on experience -- and that is that a lot of people on the WEPR, the "veterans", especially are incredibly intelligent and well-versed people. I'm not saying I am, but being as I've spent a lot of time here I'm not really a "rookie" in any subject of discussion. As long as I know the situation I feel I can make a good call, but one of the best things is looking past that, and seeing a better situation.

The irony is, a debate, or in this case it's more of me being slashed, usually engages with the disproving of ones ideas, even if it is subjective, through logic and reason.
You repeatedly state various things, much not related to my point but more or less to me -- and you have nothing backing it up that provides a sufficient counter-argument to what I've already presented. In the case of evidence being myself, I can't really give any more, but the debate should be waged on both sides and looked at openly by both sides -- if I have a point but can't prove it, then it would be good for both of us to try and make it an agreed subject, or vice versa.
I'm not going to go on about debates, as I hope you have a good idea of what they are already.
It's recommended you follow that, of course.

- H
Highfire
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Highfire
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Also, lets talk about society itself. General speaking, a women with multiple sex partners is looked down upon more than a men with multiple sex partners. Do you guys have anything to say about this? Why do you think this happens? Do you think its right?

Why do I think this happens?
Could be to do with nature, just the way early and primitive civilizations worked, due to the way reproduction works and also how significant natural selection was (can't really say 'is' as technology is what makes us dominant of course).

Is it right? No. Society and morality has evolved beyond that. Whilst I don't approve of having multiple sex partners simultaneously I do not view difference between a female or male in this (or most other) situation(s).

If my girlfriend really were to cheat on me I'm not sure if I want to end it on a good note.

I didn't mean it through cheating, I think I put it in good enough context... but just to clarify and make sure.
Ending on a good note if she wanted to leave me for another guy -- depending on the situation, I'd likely prefer it end on a good note (I generally don't like the idea of ending on a bad one, for little good reason). I hope it wouldn't be because of my own personality or something like that, there's a fair bit to consider when concerning this -- if I think the judgement was right (or rather just slightly justified) and the like.

I would probably go through a phase of self-loathing and the loathing of others.

Er...
If you think that would be a bad thing, don't do it. There is not too much point bringing yourself to that when there is really no need... I don't really think that it provides anything as, well - anyone willing to cheat on you really hasn't got a moral complexity to deem you anything really, right?

Or you could go and have you poontang and go home filled in shame, but as long as your girlfriend doesn't find out nothing will change between you and her.

I would likely not go into the situation in the first place. How can I deny that it's tempting? But ultimately I hope to have the strength to bring myself to do the right thing -- I would hate myself to be a dishonest person... and there are various times where my standard of being was not what it should've been and the guilt from that alone was terrible... And one of those times results in me doing what I think is right, and striving to be a better person not for myself, my would-be girlfriend and etc, but for my deceased nephew.

- H
Drink
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Drink
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if you cheating is low and has caused suicides...if you dont love your bf/gf enough to stay faithful then you shouldnt be with them or at least dump them before you cheat..

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