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Story

Posted Feb 15, '12 at 10:32pm

Zeus01

Zeus01

38 posts

Here is a story I will try to make visits and write some more :)
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
There I lay on my bed staring straight up at the blank ceiling, my mind blank and floating away from the worries of life. A voice suddenly broke the quiet and peacefulness of that moment.
"Ryan!" My dad shouted in a soft tone.
"Coming dad." I replied back.
I stepped out of my room and into the bathroom i quickly brushed my teeth with my red and white Oral-B® tooth brush. I skipped the dark oak polished stairs one at a time and landed on the soft blue rug at the bottom of the stairs. I ran to the glass dining table and gave him a high-five. I took the milk out of our stainless steel fridge and got Fruit Loops® from the cabinet. I grabbed a spoon and took a seat by my dad.
"Hey" I said as I sat down.
"Hello" he replied in a happy tone.
"Why so happy?"
"I got the job"
After those words, I was speechless.
Now my friends I have no clue what is going to happen next I will figure it out farewell until next time guys!

 

Posted Feb 15, '12 at 10:34pm

Zeus01

Zeus01

38 posts

I dont know why the A shows up after the r

 

Posted Feb 15, '12 at 10:41pm

killersup10

killersup10

2,766 posts

killersup thinks that it is a good story.it got a little to much of him just doing radnom things that din't need said.anyway god story that was only thing killersup did not love.you will get better with time.good job!:)

 

Posted Feb 16, '12 at 2:32am

Grokuu_Kultiras

Grokuu_Kultiras

3 posts

Its not bad. Not very creative for a first instalment...the only reason being is that it really has no hook. A good story should have a hook to keep the readers wanting to come back. Give that a think over and I'm sure the next instalment will be great.

 

Posted Feb 16, '12 at 8:05pm

ponyo97

ponyo97

43 posts

its relly good

 

Posted Feb 16, '12 at 10:58pm

NewZullord

NewZullord

2 posts

nice story :)

 

Posted Feb 18, '12 at 11:42am

Zeus01

Zeus01

38 posts

"Why aren't you happy?" He asked suspiciously.
"Moving!" I yelled back.
"Everyone moves sometimes."
"I've been here since preschool, all my friends are here."
"Were moving I need the job, actually we need the job. I can't pay bills working at a gas station, they pay too little. The gas prices have gone down, so pack your bags were going to NYC."
I went up the stairs into my room and packed all day until all my bags and boxes were full. Not how i wanted to spend my weekend I thought.
I went downstairs and saw the whole house was full of boxes.
"The movers are going to be here tomorrow." He announced
"Okay" I replied in a glum tone.
I went to play MW3 on XBox only to find that had been packed.
Nice fun weekend this is I thought while kicking a box out of my way.






Ill post more today

 

Posted Feb 19, '12 at 12:49am

Zeus01

Zeus01

38 posts

The movers arrived in a big red truck that said in white letters:
CALL 1-800-MOVERS
"Ugh." I said in a disgusted tone.
The tall big men sat in the truck and started driving away. Me and my dad got into our old red car and followed them. The drive was an hour long.
We arrived in front of a old cracked apartment building.
"Home sweet home, for now." My dad said while smiling and staring up at the top of the building.
Of course theres going to be more moving
My dad went up the steps and stopped at apartment 41B. He put the key into the lock and turned it when he opened the door and found dust everywhere.
"We have cleaning up to do."

 

Posted Feb 19, '12 at 1:09am

ponyo97

ponyo97

43 posts

I think it's awesome

 

Posted Feb 19, '12 at 9:04am

LucasDaLegend

LucasDaLegend

1,088 posts

Nice. I would really like to see you carry this on and then perhaps create another fascinating story.

 
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