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My World (Emo-Works)

Posted Apr 17, '12 at 8:19pm

emochick324

emochick324

108 posts

Chapter One:

My world is known as Kalharia,the land of peace and wolves. I was "born" in this world by wolves. Coming out as a Wolvetta*,the only species of wolf known to Zaplods* that can speak in their language.The only reason this happened is my fsther, LuckPup and my mother, Fai-Fang mated.
Whimpering at the sight of my limp body when I was born.
Soon,they took me to Kahme the Mage. She fixed me up..Breathed into me,Brought me to life...Now this is the story of my life.

 

Posted Apr 17, '12 at 8:21pm

emochick324

emochick324

108 posts

*Wolfetta is a small human like wolf that can talk in wolf or human tounge.

*Zaplods are small human like elves that run around my world...soon to find out about me.

 

Posted Apr 17, '12 at 8:33pm

emochick324

emochick324

108 posts

Chapter two:

The fact is, Wolfetta's live longer,meaning:My parents are old...they will die soon. I feel their pain and aches like a  mini Fai-Fang. Soon, A moon after me and my litter-mates
were born our mother died,Leaving me to be Alpha. "I refuse to Luckpup! I will not let...that lead us!" barked one of the warrior wolves, Jin. "She'll kill us all!" he complained "she will not.she is my daughter!" Luckpup barked back."father,why do others hate me?" I asked. "because,you sre...different." he Said calmly.

 

Posted Apr 17, '12 at 8:36pm

Darktroop07

Darktroop07

657 posts

I believe this should be more of an intro since it's introducing the characters and giving off some background info.
You should also give some information on how they look or at least some information as to why and how the parents met.
And finally theirs a thing called spell check you should try using it.

 

Posted Apr 17, '12 at 8:47pm

TheSuperSaiyan1

TheSuperSaiyan1

43 posts

And finally theirs a thing called spell check you should try using it.

xDDD Lol true. Emo, that is a really small paragraph if your writing a book. Chapter 1 seems very small intro and Chapter 2, you have to give an attention grabber...

 

Posted Apr 17, '12 at 8:51pm

Darktroop07

Darktroop07

657 posts

you have to give an attention grabber..

My world is known as Kalharia,the land of peace and wolves. I was "born" in this world by wolves. Coming out as a Wolvetta*,the only species of wolf known to Zaplods* that can speak in their language.The only reason this happened is my father, LuckPup and my mother, Fai-Fang mated.
Whimpering at the sight of my limp body when I was born.
Soon,they took me to Kahme the Mage. She fixed me up..Breathed into me,Brought me to life...Now this is the story of my life.

I believe this part got me hooked but I started getting lost at chapter 2 things seemed rushed.
Because chapter one should have been part of chapter 2 as well as the intro.

 

Posted Apr 19, '12 at 2:17pm

Jazmoon

Jazmoon

218 posts

It sounds great its fun to let you feelings and emotion run wild sometimes and spelling and grammar don't matter as long as you enjoy writing it. Write more please ;p

 

Posted May 7, '12 at 4:36pm

DrPepperRain

DrPepperRain

77 posts

Good writing good story, your misspell some words every now and then so it wouldn't hurt to go back and re-read your writing. It would only make it better, not worse. :)

 
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