Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Jahoolio's Adventure
- 1 Reply
Sitting in the woods crying, Jahoolio turned off his Iphone and started walking again. "I am a man..." Jahoolio's generation had colidid head on, technology with forest and animals. Called it the Techno-Plant Aurora.
Jahoolio had just turned 13 that Monday, and it was Wesnday. "How? I am a man, and I am crying!" He took out a pocket knife and carved his name in a tree, next to his fathers, cruely written was this:
He heard a twig break and he turned, his pocket knife glimmered in the eyes of a fox, white eyes scared him and he backed up. The fox yipped and came closer. Jahoolio ran, the fox chasing him. He soon lost the fox, and he was in a cave, the shelves were full of shiny rocks and metals. He saw scratches and bite marks in the walls and twigs on the floor. "Werewolves....?" When he saw one. It clawed at him and he fell to the ground, his face stinging, his hands blocking his face and the werewolf breathing heavily.
This is some pretty good work. One thing though, it might work better if you described a bit more. For example, when Jahoolio is running from the you say is "He soon lost the fox, and he was in a cave," when you could describe a bit better with something like "His heart beating with intense fear of fox, Jahoolio blindly ran through the forrest, running through thick bushes to loose the fox. Exhausted, Jahoolio knew he wouldn't be safe in the open. He could see a cave just ahead, so he scrambled up into it." But that's just a suggestion. This is very good.
You must be logged in to post a reply!
We strive to deliver the best gaming experiences... on the internet and on your mobile phone. Play thousands of free online games, get access to free mmorpg games, online rpg games, fun online flash games, and more.
We offer free flash games in many different genres: online shooting games, online puzzle games, online war games, free online car games, free online hidden object games and dozens more.
This is the best place on the web to play online games for free... play on Armor Games! No matter what game style you prefer, we've got it here.
Gaming websites, passionate bloggers, and quirky streamers are welcome to share or review our games. If you need game keys, art, trailers, screenshots or more check out our press kit website.
Game developer? Visit developers.armorgames.com to request AG developer status, find documentation on our APIs, and get access to our development environment. Let's make sweet, sweet games together.
Looking for a publishing partner that can help your app rocket to success? Contact the mobile team to learn more about how we can help!