ForumsArt, Music, and WritingGantic's Sworded Axe of Paronomasia -- Round Five, Page 7

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Gantic
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Gantic
11,892 posts
King

Much to your disappointment, this is not another run-of-the-mill fantasy story about a weapon of crass distraction. This is a thread of Sordid Acts of Paronomasia that'll scare and amaze ya, scare ya with the sheer terribleness of puns created, amaze ya with the absolute incredibleness of ingenious puns skillfully fabricated.

So is this a thread of Gantic's terrible terrible (sometimes multilingual) puns? No! It is Gantic's Sworded Axe of Paronomasia, a contest! ... of sorts. And it'll run for six or seven rounds. You the punster, be you pungent or fragrant vagrant, are challenged to come up with the best pun relating to the theme of the round.

The prize? Well, ancient wisdom says:

A good pun is it's own reword.

And I agree. But don't fret! The punster who accrues the most Gantic Points shall awarded the title. What title? Why the title, of course! This thread, at its conclusion, shall forever be known as YourNameHere's Sworded Axe of Paronomasia.

Entries can be submitted in whatever format necessary to present the pun. Got a joke? Got a story? Or a visual pun? No problem. It doesn't even have to be funny! Other forms of wordplay may also be substituted for punnery. One entry per person per round.

Entries will be judged arbitrarily according to predetermined criteria, i.e. whatever the judge likes, and rated on a scale of 0-5 Gantic Points. The judging is highly impartial. To win, good punmanship is a necessity.

Be aware that there is such a thing as a bad pun and you may lose points (i.e. a negative score) if it's really bad. There's a difference between bad and groanworthy. Just for kicks, I'm not going to delineate the difference between bad and groanworthy.

So if you can lose points, then you must also be able to gain bonus points! Just to be fair, of course. And yes there is! But that is for you to figure out.

Onward to the theme then:

Theme for Round One against the Sword Axe: Armor Games

You have until Wednesday, June 20th.
  • 69 Replies
Xzeno
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Xzeno
2,301 posts
Nomad

Yo dog, I heard you like entries, so I put an entry in your entry so I can participate in the first round while I participate in the second round.

The Judgening
Or: How I learned to stop caring and accept late entries.

by The Rabbit's Tears

It was my job to never take anything too seriously and I took that role rather seriously. It was a quite a mess of a position, really, as my mystique was also saddled with another responsibility, ever since another removed his. Hey was a curious god, all said, apt to vanish or brandish an iron fist. Or really an iron hoof, if you will. Some might suggest he was just an iron, but I found the second word closer to the truth.

He was a fickle god, at that, flighty as a bird but vigilant as a hawk. Now and then he'd storm in, grumbling like a roaring red motor, ready to find users to bury. His mood was as hot as his curry, known for equal parts passion and furry.

He could hardly be considered unique, in that regard. In fact, even as my own fur prickled, I noticed their seemed to be a certain affinity I could never quite finger properly. Still, you know. Don't stick a gift-horse in the ***.

I was ready, at least, to dole out the next round of holy judgment, save for one missing entry. The wanderer was inconsistent at best. Tried to be both young and old, but in truth, youth had taken hold, and was more interesting fighting male oppression than wandering.
"Quit dogging me, I'm almost done." the wanderer demanded, unrequested. "Don't be such a round-hound." I winced. At least I might as well take a look at the wanderer's work. More of a butcher's than a look, if his opening puns were anything to go by.

"We all know that he'll pick the best
And then buffalo the rest
But entrants are few
and with no more than two
It's really quite clearly no contest."

"Thread given, an award he had coin'd
But this throws us all into disjoint.
It might be a neat reward
Or even a shiny sword
But it was forgotten for ill of a point."

"On both ends, this stick has a carrot
So give them a prize, you can bare it.
I see the future like tarot:
You'll give points to entries that blow
But at least avoid those with no merit."


I was at a crossroads. On one paw, I didn't want to acknowledge the true tripe, but on the other, I wanted them out of my hair. As the wanderer flew in, metaentries flapping from duster, I decided to give a piece of my beleaguered mind.

Your entries I didn't like one bit.
They're a little too sharp and not enough wit.
The goal was a pun-filled, light skit
Not a self-absorbed fit.
And even you must admit
Your reaching for clever was really quite ****.
Even the puns aren't legit:
You played the parrot for want of a tit.

That said, I had entered full-blown clever punster mode. I was inspired by user writing and brimming with energy as the sun began to rise. To tell the truth, even the crack of dawn wasn't exactly secure from my literary whims. And so, as golden light filtered into my window I, **** at the ready, started "writing."

-------------------

If I'm a good enough punster, all the pointless vulgarity should be deducible from context without any need for censor dodging.

Strop
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Strop
10,817 posts
Bard

My god, if Katia Managan were here, I think Armor City would have gone up in a blazing inferno D:

aknerd
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aknerd
1,416 posts
Peasant

This theme has unsurprisingly brought out some pretty bad stuff. I'm sure the next one will bring out the wurst.


Oh, I assure you, I have only begun to scrape the bottom of the pickle barrel. I was tempted to force yet another line, probably with awful donkey reference, but I figured my "story" was already asinine enough.
light_chaser
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light_chaser
1,044 posts
Peasant

I have another one... Pick whichever one you find worthy: a. (original entry) when I didn't find any eggs in the chicken coop, I suspected fowl play...

OOOR, b. Q. which animal is the most content? A. the crow! It never complains without caws!

crazyape
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crazyape
1,606 posts
Peasant

Sometimes when I'm writing, I pen paper two things.

No pun intended.

Gantic
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Gantic
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King

OOOR, b. Q. which animal is the most content? A. the crow! It never complains without caws!


That's a recycled Daffynition, which I will not accept.
Mickeyryn
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Mickeyryn
276 posts
Shepherd

Mnaa.. I suck at these, but whatever.


I'm not a big fan of archery... It has too many drawbacks.

plokkey
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plokkey
4,572 posts
Jester

Wait What?!?! I bet you didn't expect the old plokeyman to join this. Sure, I'll gopher it. Why don't you all just SCAT? (your puns are leaving trails of it.) I'll make you wish you were anywhere but hare. I don't think you herd me, everyone knows my puns are the bee's knees. I'll easily tear you all into pisces with my bear hands! I mean seriously, all your puns are just..... bat.

Oh and Gantic... aren't you happy I didn't use that joke about what you say when you see your report card?

light_chaser
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light_chaser
1,044 posts
Peasant

Ok gantic. It was just so... punny...

Gantic
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Gantic
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King

Mnaa.. I suck at these, but whatever.

I'm not a big fan of archery... It has too many drawbacks.


That doesn't mean you can plagiarize. Do not post anything that you did not create. This forum is for your own original works, not someone else's.
Reton8
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Reton8
3,173 posts
King

That doesn't mean you can plagiarize. Do not post anything that you did not create. This forum is for your own original works, not someone else's.


Okay, now I have some serious questions. Since certain puns are so simple, usually just two words (e.g. fowl play, fowl language), does that count as plagiarism if you reuse puns like that?

What happens if you take an old pun and use it as your punch line after setting up your own original story beforehand?

Also, with many puns being old and hard to trace the exact origin of, is it possible to plagiarize something like that? (As in: we don't know the original author and several people may have supposedly thought of the pun simultaneously and independently.)

Other forms of wordplay may also be substituted for punnery. One entry per person per round.


Does this mean we can use spoonerisms, malapropisms, and mondegreens?
Gantic
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Gantic
11,892 posts
King

Let me preface my reply with the fact that I read a lot of puns. It's easy for me to spot a pun that has been made before. Copying and pasting one of those puns is obvious plagiarism.

Okay, now I have some serious questions. Since certain puns are so simple, usually just two words (e.g. fowl play, fowl language), does that count as plagiarism if you reuse puns like that?


Using simple puns won't get you far. You don't get much for using unoriginal puns. Originality will get you more points. Refer back to the first judging and the puns about not wanting copycat puns and or parroting of well-worn puns.

With certain puns, especially joke puns, there is only a certain wording that works, so if you're going to use it, you're definitely going to be plagiarizing. Reusing a punchline is plagiarism. Fowl play, fowl language shouldn't be as much of a problem unless you're reusing the set-up, because fowl puns are too easy to make, which affects my decision in the judgement.

Also, with many puns being old and hard to trace the exact origin of, is it possible to plagiarize something like that? (As in: we don't know the original author and several people may have supposedly thought of the pun simultaneously and independently.)


Some puns are just easy to make, so I like to give the benefit of the doubt. For example, it's easy to make an awful offal joke. As stated previously, easy ones don't get you far. Now if you were to make a more unique joke about a small fry who grew to be the biggest fish in her school only to be caught and cooked, and then poisoning the diners because the cook left uncooked fish and poultry in contact and call that a salmonella story, I will fault you if it's been done before.

Does this mean we can use spoonerisms, malapropisms, and mondegreens?


Yes.

In other news, I believe I have surreptitiously announced the theme for Round Three, so hop to it while I type up the judgment. I'll still reiterate the theme for those who haven't figured it out or just want to make sure they're on the right track.
Gantic
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Gantic
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I'm probably one of the rather few judges who do not repost the entries in the judging, even though there is probably favor for it. It just makes the judgement more difficult to navigate. I try, if I can remember to do so, to recap an entry in a way that makes it easy to remember which one it was. Like "I12345Poop" (Bonus points for figuring how that makes sense.) this isn't a 'contest' contest where I must choose a winner. If it were a 'contest' contest, I would repost the entries because comparisons will be made, even when considering the individual entries on their own merits.

In the "Sworded Axe of Paranomasia", you are judged on your own merits. There is a score for each round, but placement is not decided by who did better than you but how well you did. However, if everyone makes the same pun, everyone loses points. I did state that originality helped, especially in this round. Unoriginality also hurt. I did not want puns that have been done before.

The theme for the Second Round was Animals, not just birds, or fowl. Onward to the menagerie of puns.

jeol - Not sure you submitted anything, so I'll take your reply as your entry. Fowl is a foul pun that is too easy to make. (+1) So easy in fact that there's another fowl entry. (-1) Total = +0

Cenere - What happened to Steve?! D: Interesting take on "bird brain" (+2), but it's a bit lacking in context (-1). I don't think Cen is much of a bird brain as compared to other characters *cough*. Is that Cen? It looks like Cen. That's Cen's hair tuft right? Total = +2

Maverick4 - The punchline was delightfully unexpected play on the phrase (idiom? proverb?) "birds of a feather flock together" (+3), but it isn't strong (-1). What I mean by that is that the chickens aren't blocking. Sure, Minecraft is a blocky game, but the chickens aren't blocking in any sense. Total = +2

light_chaser - Fowl is an extremely easy pun to make (+1). Unfortunately, it's not too original as it was made previously in this thread (-1). Total = +0

warriorcats123 - Chicken puns are easy to make (+1) but it's too confusing (-1). You don't get faulted for making a second chicken pun (First one was in the theme announcement.) because this is slightly different, having the animal chicken. Total = +0

aknerd - The puns overall are not great (+1) because I couldn't tell what you were going for, but the saving grace is that you aren't a beastly punster (+2), which I hope is what you were going for. I can't exactly read intent, but I'm taking that as the punchline. Total = +3

Reton8 - The puns overall are original, but some have been used before (+4). Some are overly forced (-1). You have the distinction of being the first user to lose points for using bold emphasis (-3). You will also have the distinction of being the first user awarded bonus points by combining two themes (+2). The last line rivals aknerd's for the best line in this contest so far. Total = +2

Xzeno - While the puns overall are mostly stealthy (+3), they lose themselves in the meta which appears to take precedence (-1). Total = +2

Strop - A gajillion points for the straw pony from this post (Scroll down to his non-entry entry). He's a walking animal pun! Total = 0, not even +0 because he didn't actually enter.

plokkey - OMG it's Plokeymon! The puns aren't too original (+2), but while some are very forced they became very groanworthy (+3). It started slow, but then it got so bat it became bunny. Not just bunny, but LOL bunny, because I LedOL. Total = +5

And there is the second round.

Round Three against the Sworded Axe.
I think I'll make it official where I don't announce the next theme but imply it. Even if good punmanship is your bread and butter, this next theme is not to be trifled with. It will bring out the wurst. Cook up and appetizing pun or something really cheesy, but hopefully delectable and original.

You have until Wednedsday, July 4th.

Gantic
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Gantic
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King

Typo. Spelled Wednesday wrong. Can't be bothered to delete and repost.

Also. Cenere's total is correct. It's supposed to be (+3) + (-1) = +2
Ack. It appears I also messed up Cenere's numbers in the First Round. The total is correct. The numbers are not.

aknerd
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aknerd
1,416 posts
Peasant

The puns overall are not great (+1) because I couldn't tell what you were going for, but the saving grace is that you aren't a beastly punster (+2), which I hope is what you were going for. I can't exactly read intent, but I'm taking that as the punchline. Total = +3


"Beastly" was there just in case the others weren't as cleaver as I thought... they weren't super obvious:

I'm going to write something, okay? Nine days ago I ran into a wino named Lobo Vines for hair, his voice lilted of cow bells "Wine!" that pig of a man said, "It's better than coffee!" Lines of purfect trees behind us-
An odd encounter that left me wondering: Am I missing something?


Actually, the whole thing was just a tripe setup for my donkey/asinine pun I made in my second post (I suppose I should clarify these types of things in the future... I really cooked up a mess this round!). Hopefully, my next entry will have some actual caper to it.
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